You want to be someone younger people genuinely respect and seek advice from, not just tolerate because you’re older.
The problem is that most adults think authority comes from age alone, but younger people can smell fake wisdom and forced mentorship from miles away. If you want to set a good example for younger people and be the type of person they aspire to be, here’s how to make that more likely.
1. Stop trying to relate by using their slang incorrectly.
Nothing makes you look more out of touch than awkwardly dropping “slay” or “no cap” into conversations where it doesn’t belong. You’re not fooling anyone, and younger people find this embarrassing rather than endearing because it shows you don’t understand their actual communication patterns.
Speak naturally in your own voice instead of cosplaying as someone decades younger. They’ll respect your authenticity far more than your failed attempts to sound like them, and you’ll avoid the secondhand embarrassment that comes with linguistic cultural appropriation.
2. Actually listen to their problems without immediately offering solutions.
You rush to fix everything they tell you because you think your experience gives you all the answers, but most of the time they just want someone to understand what they’re going through. Your instant advice-giving makes them feel unheard and patronised.
Ask questions about their situation and feelings before jumping into problem-solving mode. Sometimes saying “that sounds really frustrating” does more for your relationship than a detailed action plan they didn’t ask for.
3. Admit when you don’t know something instead of bluffing.
Pretending to understand their world when you clearly don’t makes you look foolish and dishonest. Whether it’s technology, social trends, or current issues, faking knowledge destroys credibility faster than admitting ignorance ever could.
Younger people respect honesty about your limitations and often enjoy explaining things to adults who are genuinely curious. Saying “I don’t really understand TikTok, can you show me how it works?” creates connection rather than distance.
4. Share your actual struggles and failures, not just success stories.
Your carefully curated tales of triumph make you seem like you’ve never faced real challenges, which makes your advice feel irrelevant to their current struggles. Perfect success stories don’t inspire confidence in your guidance.
Talk about times you messed up, felt lost, or had to change direction completely. These stories show you understand uncertainty and failure, making your eventual success feel more achievable and your perspective more trustworthy.
5. Respect their choices even when you disagree with them.
Constantly criticising their decisions or expressing disappointment in their choices makes them stop sharing anything meaningful with you. They need space to make their own mistakes without facing judgement from every adult in their life.
Save your concerns for genuinely dangerous situations and let them learn from smaller mistakes on their own. Supporting their autonomy builds trust that makes them more likely to ask for help when they really need it.
6. Keep their confidences without conditions.
Breaking their trust by sharing what they’ve told you with other adults destroys any chance of meaningful relationship. Even well-meaning discussions with parents or teachers about their personal information shows you can’t be trusted with sensitive topics.
Clearly communicate what you can and cannot keep confidential upfront, but once they trust you with something, guard that information carefully. Being a safe person to talk to is more valuable than being the adult who reports everything.
7. Show genuine interest in their passions without judging them.
Dismissing their interests as silly, pointless, or a waste of time immediately shuts down any possibility of connection. Whether they’re obsessed with gaming, makeup, sports, or art, your lack of enthusiasm for their passions reads as rejection of them personally.
Ask questions about what they love and why it matters to them, even if you don’t understand the appeal. Learning about their world through their eyes often reveals depth and complexity you initially missed.
8. Model the behaviour you want to see instead of lecturing about it.
Younger people learn more from watching how you handle stress, conflict, and challenges than from any speech you give about proper behaviour. Your actions carry far more weight than your words when it comes to demonstrating values.
Show them how to handle difficult situations by managing your own life well, rather than telling them how they should manage theirs. They’ll absorb your example naturally without feeling like they’re being taught lessons.
9. Support their independence rather than trying to control outcomes.
Your desire to protect them from mistakes often comes across as lack of faith in their abilities. Micromanaging their decisions or trying to orchestrate their success makes them feel incompetent and creates resentment rather than respect.
Offer resources and guidance when asked, but let them own their journey and results. Supporting their growth means accepting that their path might look different from what you would choose for them.
10. Stay current with the world they’re growing up in.
Being completely out of touch with current events, technology, and cultural changes makes your perspective feel irrelevant to their reality. You don’t need to be an expert, but complete ignorance about their world makes meaningful conversation difficult.
Make an effort to understand the major issues and changes affecting their generation without pretending to be an insider. Basic awareness of their context makes your guidance more relevant and applicable to their actual circumstances.
11. Treat them like individuals rather than representatives of their generation.
Making sweeping statements about “kids these days” or assuming they all share the same traits, problems, and interests shows you see them as a stereotype rather than a unique person. This generalisation prevents real connection and understanding.
Get to know them as individuals with their own personality, struggles, and dreams rather than viewing them through the lens of generational differences. Personal relationships matter more than demographic assumptions.
12. Be consistent in your support without expecting gratitude.
Younger people need reliable adults in their lives, but they won’t always express appreciation the way you expect. Withdrawing support when they don’t thank you properly or seem ungrateful shows your help comes with emotional strings attached.
Offer steady, unconditional support without keeping score of their responses. Sometimes your influence won’t be acknowledged until years later, but consistency builds trust even when appreciation isn’t immediately visible.
13. Challenge them appropriately without crushing their confidence.
Either being too easy on them or setting impossibly high standards fails to help them grow. They need adults who believe in their potential enough to push them beyond their comfort zone while still providing emotional safety when they struggle.
Find the balance between encouragement and challenge by paying attention to their individual needs and responses. Some need more support, others need more push, but all need adults who see their potential and help them reach it.
