Some people just leave you feeling completely knackered after spending time with them, even when they haven’t done anything particularly bad or hurtful.
There’s just something about their energy that drains everyone else’s pretty much immediately. You don’t mean to be awful because they’re generally pretty harmless (or at least not terrible), but every minute you spend with them is an exercise in losing your will to live. These are just some of the behaviours they might be guilty of that could be causing this.
1. They need constant reassurance about everything.
These lovely souls ask for your opinion on every tiny decision they need to make, from what to wear to work to whether they should reply to a text message, and they genuinely can’t seem to function without someone else telling them they’re doing okay. Every chat becomes a therapy session where you end up solving their problems and boosting their confidence.
It’s exhausting because you start feeling responsible for their emotional wellbeing, which is a lot to carry in any friendship. You can still care about them while gently saying, “I trust you to figure that out” instead of providing endless guidance, and remember that their need for reassurance isn’t your job to fix.
2. They live in a constant state of worry.
Some people are perpetually anxious about everything from world events to whether their neighbour thinks they’re weird, and being around all that nervous energy is genuinely draining even when they’re not asking you to solve anything. Their worry fills the room and makes it impossible for anyone to properly relax.
You end up absorbing their anxiety without realising it, and suddenly, you’re stressed about things that weren’t even on your radar before. It’s okay to limit your exposure to chronic worriers and protect your own peace of mind from their constant state of alarm, while still being a caring friend.
3. Everything is either amazing or absolutely terrible.
Some people experience every emotion at maximum volume, so spending time with them feels like being on an emotional rollercoaster that never stops for a breather. Their feelings take up all the space in every interaction, leaving little room for anyone else’s experiences or energy.
The intensity can be overwhelming even when they’re happy because you’re constantly having to match or manage their emotional temperature. It’s perfectly fine to step back from people whose emotional volume is consistently too loud for your system to handle comfortably.
4. They turn every conversation back to themselves.
No matter what you’re discussing, they somehow manage to steer the chat back to their own experiences, problems, or achievements, and they do it so smoothly that you don’t notice until you realise you never get to finish your own stories. They’re not being deliberately selfish, just completely wrapped up in their own world.
You end up feeling unheard and a bit frustrated because every conversation becomes about them, even when you really wanted to share something important. It’s okay to gently redirect by finishing your thoughts before engaging with their stories, and don’t feel bad about saying, “Let me just finish this bit first.”
5. Nothing is ever quite good enough for them.
Perfectionist friends can be exhausting because they create an atmosphere where everything feels like it’s being judged or evaluated, and even fun activities become stressful because they can’t just enjoy things without finding fault. Their impossibly high standards affect everyone around them.
Their perfectionism creates pressure even when it’s not directed at you personally because you start second-guessing your own choices and performance around them. Remember that their standards are about them, not you, and you don’t need to live up to expectations that would exhaust a robot.
6. They’re always dealing with some crisis.
Some people seem to bounce from one emergency to another, and while each individual crisis might be real, the constant state of urgency becomes exhausting for everyone in their orbit. They turn minor hiccups into major disasters and expect everyone to drop everything to help.
The drama becomes their normal, but it’s draining for everyone around them, all of whom get pulled into their chaos repeatedly. You can be supportive without getting sucked into every crisis, and it’s okay to say you’re not available to help with every emergency they encounter.
7. They can’t make a decision about anything.
Indecisive friends drain your energy by turning every simple choice into an endless discussion where they consider every possible option without ever reaching a conclusion. From picking restaurants to choosing films, they make everything more complicated than it needs to be.
Their inability to decide means other people end up making choices for them or spending ages waiting while they weigh options, which is mentally exhausting. It’s okay to set gentle time limits for decisions and make choices yourself, rather than waiting indefinitely for them to decide.
8. They need to analyse everything in minute detail.
Some people dissect every interaction, comment, or event until all the spontaneity and joy has been squeezed out of it, and being around this level of analysis can be mentally draining. They can’t just enjoy experiences without pulling them apart to understand every possible meaning.
Their need to examine everything prevents them from being present and enjoying moments as they happen, which affects the mood for everyone else too. You don’t have to engage with their analysis of every situation, and it’s fine to say “sometimes things just are what they are” without hidden meanings.
9. They have zero enthusiasm for anything.
Some people seem to suck the energy out of every room because they’re perpetually flat and uninterested in whatever’s happening around them. They’re not necessarily depressed, just completely disengaged from life in a way that brings everyone else’s mood down.
Their low energy becomes contagious and makes it harder for other people to maintain excitement about things, even when those things are genuinely worth being excited about. It’s okay to protect your own enthusiasm by spending less time with people who consistently deflate your mood.
10. They complain constantly but never change anything.
Chronic complainers drain everyone’s energy by voicing endless grievances about their job, relationships, or circumstances but never taking any steps to improve their situation. They want sympathy for their problems but reject any suggestions for making things better.
Listening to constant complaints without any movement toward solutions becomes exhausting because you feel helpless and frustrated by their refusal to help themselves. It’s okay to set gentle boundaries around how much complaining you’re willing to listen to without feeling guilty about it.
11. They turn everything into a competition.
People who make every interaction feel like a contest drain energy because you can never just relax and enjoy activities without feeling like you’re being evaluated or challenged. They keep score in conversations and turn casual fun into contests nobody else signed up for.
Their competitive nature makes it impossible to be vulnerable or share struggles because everything becomes ammunition for them to prove they’re doing better. You don’t have to engage with their need to compete, and it’s perfectly fine to refuse to participate in contests you never wanted to enter.
12. They’re emotional black holes.
Some people constantly need support, attention, and care but never seem to have any left over for other people when the tables are turned. They absorb all the emotional energy in relationships while contributing very little to anyone else’s wellbeing, and it becomes completely one-sided.
The imbalance becomes draining because you’re always giving without receiving, and they seem genuinely unable to recognise that other people have needs too. Healthy friendships require some give and take, and it’s okay to step back from relationships that only flow in one direction.
