Most people like to think they’re decent, and largely, they are.
That being said, there’s more to being a good person than simply not being overtly horrible to everyone you meet. The kind of human being you are comes out in the everyday way you treat people, especially when you think no one’s keeping track. Sometimes, the nastier side of someone’s personality sneaks out in offhand comments or digs that are played off as “just being honest.” If you catch yourself (or someone else) regularly saying things like these, they clearly have a horrible side that needs addressing.
1. “I just tell it like it is, get over it.”
This line almost always comes before or after something rude. It’s often used to excuse cruelty as honesty, when really, it’s just being blunt with no care for how it lands. There’s a difference between being direct and being cutting. If you need to announce that you’re “just being honest,” you probably already know your words weren’t kind.
2. “Well, that’s your problem, not mine.”
This might sound like boundary-setting, but it usually reads as cold dismissal. There’s a way to protect your own peace without throwing someone else’s feelings out the window. If someone’s reaching out or expressing upset and your response is this, it tells them you have no interest in trying to understand. Rather than displaying strength, it’s indifference dressed up as clarity.
3. “Why are you so sensitive all the time?”
This classic deflection puts the blame on the other person for reacting instead of taking responsibility for what was said. It shuts down valid emotion instead of owning up to the impact. People who say this often think they’re the rational ones, but it’s a tactic to avoid accountability. If you have to question someone’s sensitivity every time, maybe the issue’s not their reaction. Instead, it’s your tone.
4. “Everyone was thinking it, to be fair. I just said it.”
This line gets used to justify comments that were unnecessary, unkind, or inappropriate. It tries to spread the blame around so you’re not the only one who looks bad. However, being the one to say what everyone’s thinking doesn’t make you bold. You’re just the one who didn’t bother filtering a thought that should’ve stayed inside your head.
5. “I guess I just intimidate people.”
This often gets said with pride, like being hard to be around is a badge of honour. Of course, it’s usually a mask for abrasive behaviour or poor emotional awareness. People aren’t avoiding you because they’re weak. They might just be tired of the constant jabs or passive-aggression. If intimidation is your default, connection probably isn’t your strong suit.
6. “Not to be rude, but…”
If you have to lead with that, you probably already know what’s about to come out of your mouth isn’t polite. Saying this doesn’t soften the blow. In fact, it signals it’s coming, and you don’t care. It’s a cheap way to signal self-awareness while still saying something sharp. Plus, it’s usually completely unnecessary. Instead, it’s just a built-in excuse to be mean with a little smirk on top.
7. “You took that the wrong way.”
This one gets thrown out to dodge accountability. It tells the other person that their interpretation is the problem, not your delivery, your tone, or the way you said it. It’s another way of saying, “I’m not willing to look at what I did.” Sometimes people do take things wrong, but if it’s a recurring pattern? It might not be them; it might be you.
8. “I’m not here to make friends.”
This one comes out a lot in competitive environments, but outside of reality TV, it just makes you sound difficult. It’s often said to justify being dismissive, harsh, or self-centred. You don’t have to be everyone’s best mate, but basic decency isn’t optional. If you’re using this line regularly, chances are, you’re making life harder for people around you, and they’re noticing.
9. “At least I’m honest.”
This is the classic defence when someone’s been unnecessarily rude. Honesty is only useful when it’s also respectful. If you use “at least I’m honest” as a cover, you’re not helping. Really, you’re hurting and pretending it’s a virtue. People who constantly lean on this phrase are usually aware they’re being mean. They just want the excuse to avoid doing anything differently.
10. “I don’t do drama.”
Ironically, the people who say this the most often seem to be involved in the most drama. It’s often a pre-emptive strike to shut down emotional conversations they don’t want to engage with. It says, “I don’t want to deal with your emotions,” rather than, “Let’s keep this healthy.” Avoiding difficult moments makes you anything but chill. In fact, it just makes you unavailable.
11. “Calm down.”
Almost guaranteed to do the opposite of what it’s asking for. Telling someone to calm down mid-conversation is rarely helpful. It’s often used to belittle how strongly they feel about something. If you genuinely care, you ask what’s wrong. You listen. You don’t throw a blanket order over someone else’s emotional experience and expect them to feel heard.
12. “You’re overreacting.”
Another classic way to dismiss someone’s feelings. It might make you feel in control, but it leaves the other person feeling invalidated. Reactions have reasons, even if they seem big to you. This one kills empathy in seconds. If you hear it coming out of your mouth often, it’s worth asking why you feel so threatened by someone else’s emotions.
13. “I’m not responsible for your feelings.”
Technically, no, you’re not responsible for all of someone else’s emotions. However, if you hurt someone and whip this line out, it’s just dodging accountability with a sprinkle of self-help jargon. There’s a way to own your actions without becoming emotionally enmeshed. Saying this usually skips that and jumps straight to cold detachment. It’s a major cop-out.
14. “That’s not my problem.”
Even if it’s true, this one’s often thrown out to end a conversation that makes someone uncomfortable. It makes connection nearly impossible, largely because it says, “I’m not interested in helping, listening, or even caring.” People who say this a lot tend to see empathy as optional. However, as time goes on, that attitude makes them the kind of person everyone stops trusting because they know you won’t show up when it counts.
15. “I’m just wired differently.”
This gets used to excuse all sorts of unkind behaviour. It’s one thing to acknowledge that you process the world differently, but it’s another to use that as a shield for being abrasive, careless, or rude. Being different doesn’t mean you get a pass on empathy. If you keep hurting people and then blaming your “wiring,” you’re not being misunderstood. You’re being avoidant.
16. “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me.”
Some people mean this in a healthy way, but when it’s used to justify being thoughtless, arrogant, or reckless, you’re clearly detached from how your actions affect other people. It’s fine not to live for external approval, but if you never care what anyone thinks, you probably aren’t learning much either, and you might be stepping on people without noticing.
17. “Don’t take it personally.”
This is often used right after something deeply personal gets said. It’s meant to soften the blow, but it usually does the opposite. People do take things personally because relationships are personal. Hiding behind this phrase is a way to dodge discomfort. If you said it, own it. If it hurt someone, address it. Asking someone to disengage emotionally from your words doesn’t work. It just makes you look careless.
18. “That’s just how I am.”
This one shuts down growth before it even starts. It says, “Don’t expect me to reflect or evolve.” People who use it tend to see their behaviour as fixed, and expect other people to work around them. Being self-aware means noticing where you’re hard to be around and doing something about it. This line is just a neat way to skip all that effort and stay stuck in habits that hurt people.
19. “You’re too much.”
It usually gets said when someone is emotional, enthusiastic, or expressive in a way the other person doesn’t like. However, it’s not really about the other person. It’s about your discomfort with their intensity. People who say this often don’t realise how shaming it sounds. Telling someone they’re too much doesn’t help them tone it down; it just makes them feel like shrinking to fit.
20. “Grow up.”
This gets used to silence someone when they’re hurt, upset, or reacting in a way you find inconvenient. It’s dismissive, condescending, and usually comes out when someone wants to shut the conversation down. If your go-to response to someone’s emotion is “grow up,” you’re not being mature; you’re being reactive. Real maturity knows how to stay calm, ask questions, and resist the urge to shame.
