Emotional intelligence is one of the most useful qualities a person can have, but sadly, not everyone does.
Among other bad behaviours, people who lack it often say things that create awkward tension without realising it. Unfortunately, their well-meaning comments can damage relationships because they lack awareness of how their words affect everyone around them. These are some of the most common offenders of people with low EQ.
1. “You’re being too sensitive” when someone expresses hurt feelings
This dismisses the other person’s emotional experience and suggests that their feelings are wrong or excessive, and it immediately shuts down any chance of meaningful conversation about what actually happened or how to prevent similar situations.
Instead of invalidating someone’s emotions, try asking what specifically upset them and acknowledge that their feelings are valid, even if you didn’t intend to cause harm. At the end of the day, understanding their perspective is more important than defending your intentions.
2. “I’m just being honest” after saying something hurtful
Using honesty as an excuse for cruelty shows a complete lack of understanding about how to deliver difficult truths with kindness, and this declaration often follows unnecessarily harsh comments that could have been expressed more thoughtfully.
Learn the difference between helpful honesty and brutal honesty, and consider whether your “truth” is actually necessary or if you’re just using honesty as permission to be unkind without consequences.
3. “Calm down” when someone is expressing strong emotions
Telling someone to calm down never actually helps them feel calmer and usually escalates the situation because it implies that their emotional response is inappropriate or unreasonable, and it shows you’re more concerned with your own comfort than understanding what’s bothering them.
When someone is upset, try acknowledging their feelings first and asking what you can do to help. Validation often helps people feel heard and naturally leads to them feeling calmer than being told their emotions are wrong.
4. “That’s not what I meant” without acknowledging the impact
Focusing solely on your intentions while ignoring how your words affected someone shows a lack of empathy and responsibility, and this response makes the hurt person feel like their pain doesn’t matter as long as you didn’t mean to cause it.
Take responsibility for the impact of your words, regardless of your intentions, and apologise for the hurt caused before explaining what you actually meant. After all, impact matters more than intent when it comes to repairing relationships.
5. “You always” or “You never” during arguments
These absolute statements are rarely accurate and immediately put the other person on the defensive because they feel attacked rather than heard, and using these statements turns specific issues into character assassinations that make resolution nearly impossible.
Focus on the specific behaviour or incident that’s bothering you rather than making sweeping generalisations, and use “I” statements to express how certain actions affect you rather than attacking the other person’s character or habits.
6. “I don’t understand why you’re upset about this”
Just because something wouldn’t bother you doesn’t mean it shouldn’t bother someone else, and this statement dismisses their emotional experience while making them feel like they need to justify having feelings about something that matters to them.
Try saying something like “Help me understand what’s bothering you about this” instead. Showing curiosity about their perspective shows respect for their emotional experience, even when you don’t immediately relate to it.
7. “At least…” followed by minimising their problems
Comparing someone’s struggles to worse situations might seem helpful but actually invalidates their current pain, and phrases like “at least you have a job” or “at least you’re healthy” make people feel guilty for struggling with legitimate difficulties.
Allow people to feel frustrated or sad about their situations without trying to put things in perspective for them. After all, everyone deserves to have their struggles acknowledged rather than minimised through comparison to other people.
8. “You’re overreacting” when someone has a strong response
Telling someone their emotional response is too big dismisses their feelings and suggests that you get to decide what’s appropriate for them to feel, and this line often comes from discomfort with other people’s emotions rather than genuine concern for their wellbeing.
Instead of judging the size of their reaction, try to understand what’s driving such strong feelings. Usually, there are deeper issues or repeated patterns that explain why this particular situation triggered such an intense response.
9. “It could be worse” when someone is struggling
This minimising response suggests that people should be grateful for their problems rather than addressing them, and it shows complete lack of empathy for what they’re actually going through while making them feel ashamed for needing support.
Offer genuine sympathy and ask how you can help instead of trying to put their problems in perspective. People need support and validation when they’re struggling, not reminders that other people have it worse.
10. “I was just joking” after making someone uncomfortable
Using humour as an excuse for saying inappropriate things shows poor judgement about timing and audience, and this defence suggests that the other person is wrong for not finding your joke funny, rather than acknowledging that your comment was poorly received.
Learn to read social cues about when jokes are appropriate, and apologise genuinely when your humour misses the mark. Taking responsibility for failed attempts at comedy shows more maturity than insisting everyone should find you funny.
11. “That’s just how I am” when confronted about behaviour
This statement shuts down any possibility of growth or change and suggests that other people should accept poor treatment because it’s your personality, and it shows unwillingness to consider how your “natural” behaviour affects the people around you.
Recognise that “being yourself” doesn’t give you permission to be inconsiderate or hurtful, and consider whether some aspects of “how you are” might need adjustment if they consistently cause problems in your relationships.
12. “You need to get over it” about something that hurt them
Deciding how long someone should need to process hurt feelings shows complete lack of understanding about how emotions work, and this dismissive response makes people feel like their healing timeline is wrong or inconvenient for you.
Allow people to process difficult experiences at their own pace and offer support rather than pressure. Healing happens naturally when people feel safe and supported, rather than rushed or judged for their emotional needs.
13. “Why can’t you just be happy?” to someone who’s struggling
This question implies that happiness is a simple choice and dismisses whatever genuine difficulties the person is facing, and it shows fundamental misunderstanding about mental health, grief, or other legitimate reasons someone might be going through a difficult period.
Instead of questioning why they’re not happy, ask what’s been difficult lately and how you can support them. Showing genuine interest in their struggles is more helpful than suggesting they should simply choose different emotions.
14. “I’m sorry you feel that way” instead of taking responsibility
This non-apology puts the problem on the other person’s feelings rather than acknowledging any wrongdoing on your part, and it comes across as dismissive and insincere because you’re not actually sorry for anything you did.
Take responsibility for your actions and their impact by saying what you’re specifically sorry for. Genuine apologies acknowledge wrongdoing, rather than suggesting the other person’s hurt feelings are the real problem.
15. “Everyone else thinks” to pressure someone into agreement
Using peer pressure or imaginary consensus to win arguments shows poor reasoning skills and disrespect for the other person’s ability to form their own opinions, and this tactic often backfires because it feels manipulative rather than persuasive.
Make your case based on actual facts and reasoning rather than claiming popular support, and respect that people can disagree with you even if you believe your position is widely accepted by other people.
16. “You’re being dramatic” when someone expresses concern
Dismissing someone’s worries as theatrical performance rather than genuine concern shows lack of empathy and understanding, and this response often comes from discomfort with other people’s emotions rather than actual assessment of whether their concerns are valid.
Take people’s concerns seriously even if they seem small to you, and ask questions to understand why this issue feels important to them rather than dismissing their emotional response as attention-seeking or exaggerated.
