Sometimes toxic people aren’t strangers you can simply block and forget about, unfortunately.
They’re family members, colleagues, bosses, or co-parents who are permanently woven into your life whether you like it or not. While you can’t change their behaviour or make them disappear, you can learn to protect yourself and maintain your sanity while dealing with them strategically and effectively.
1. Master the grey rock method.
Become as boring and unresponsive as possible when interacting with them. Give short, factual answers without emotion or detail. Think of yourself as a grey rock that provides nothing interesting for them to latch onto or use against you.
This technique works because toxic people feed off drama, emotional reactions, and detailed information they can twist or weaponise. When you become consistently dull and unreactive, they often lose interest and move on to easier targets.
2. Document everything important.
Keep records of significant interactions, especially anything involving work responsibilities, shared finances, or children. Save emails, text messages, and write down verbal conversations with dates and details while they’re fresh in your memory.
This documentation protects you when they inevitably try to rewrite history, blame you for things you didn’t do, or deny agreements they made. Having concrete evidence prevents gaslighting and provides backup when other people question what really happened.
3. Set and maintain rigid boundaries.
Decide what behaviour you will and won’t tolerate, then stick to those limits consistently. Don’t negotiate, explain extensively, or make exceptions even when they push back with guilt trips or manipulation tactics.
Toxic people test boundaries constantly to see where they can push through. When you maintain your limits without wavering, they eventually learn that certain tactics don’t work with you and may try them less frequently.
4. Control the communication channels.
Limit interactions to necessary topics and preferred methods of communication. If possible, keep conversations to email or text rather than phone calls, and avoid face-to-face meetings unless absolutely required.
Written communication creates a record and gives you time to think before responding. It also prevents them from using tone, interruption, or intimidation tactics that work better in real-time conversations.
5. Never reveal personal information.
Keep details about your life, relationships, finances, and future plans to yourself. Toxic people use personal information as ammunition later, so treat every conversation like they’re gathering intelligence against you.
Share only what’s absolutely necessary for the relationship to function. Your struggles, successes, fears, and hopes are not safe with someone who has shown they’ll use your vulnerabilities against you when it suits them.
6. Develop a support network.
Cultivate relationships with trusted friends, family members, or professionals who understand your situation and can provide perspective when you start doubting yourself. Having outside validation helps counteract gaslighting and manipulation.
Toxic people often try to isolate you or make you question your perceptions. A strong support network reminds you that their version of reality isn’t the only one and helps you maintain confidence in your own judgement.
7. Plan your responses in advance.
Anticipate their common tactics and prepare neutral, brief responses for typical situations. Having scripts ready prevents you from getting caught off guard or reacting emotionally in the moment.
Practice phrases like “I’ll need to think about that,” “That doesn’t work for me,” or “I’m not available to discuss this right now.” These prepared responses help you stay calm and avoid being drawn into drama or manipulation.
8. Focus on facts, not feelings.
Keep conversations centred on objective information rather than emotions, opinions, or interpretations. Stick to what needs to be accomplished or decided rather than how anyone feels about it.
Toxic people love to derail conversations with emotional manipulation, blame, or drama. When you consistently redirect to facts and practical matters, they have less material to work with for creating chaos.
9. Time your interactions strategically.
Choose when and where you engage with them based on your energy levels and their typical behaviour patterns. Avoid dealing with them when you’re tired, stressed, or emotionally vulnerable.
Some toxic people are worse at certain times of day, after drinking, or during stressful periods. Learning their patterns helps you minimise contact during their most difficult moments and engage when they’re more manageable.
10. Create physical and emotional distance.
Limit the time you spend in their presence and create barriers that prevent surprise visits or extended contact. This might mean changing your routine, using different entrances at work, or declining optional social events where they’ll be present.
Physical distance makes emotional manipulation harder and gives you space to recover between interactions. Even small changes like sitting further away in meetings or taking different routes can reduce your exposure to their toxicity.
11. Don’t try to change or fix them.
Accept that this person is who they are and focus your energy on protecting yourself rather than hoping they’ll improve. Toxic people rarely change because their behaviour often serves their purposes effectively.
Trying to fix them keeps you emotionally invested in their problems and gives them opportunities to manipulate your good intentions. Your mental health improves dramatically when you stop taking responsibility for their growth or happiness.
12. Use their predictability against them.
Most toxic people have patterns in their behaviour that you can learn to anticipate and prepare for. Use their predictability to your advantage by planning around their typical reactions and tactics.
If you know they always create drama during family gatherings, arrive late and leave early. If they typically send nasty emails on Friday afternoons, check your messages when you’re mentally prepared to handle negativity.
13. Build your resilience and self-care.
Dealing with toxic people is exhausting, so prioritise activities that restore your energy and peace of mind. This might include therapy, exercise, meditation, hobbies, or time with positive people who appreciate you.
Think of self-care as essential maintenance rather than luxury. The better you take care of yourself, the less their behaviour affects you and the more clearly you can think about handling difficult situations.
14. Know when to escalate or get help.
Understand when their behaviour crosses lines that require intervention from supervisors, human resources, legal professionals, or other authorities. Some situations are too serious or dangerous to handle alone.
Don’t let pride or hope keep you from getting help when you need it. Harassment, threats, stalking, or abuse require professional intervention, and trying to handle these situations solo often makes them worse rather than better.
