People who are obsessed with themselves somehow manage to convince themselves that the world revolves around them.
They make every conversation about themselves, every problem they have everyone else’s, and every social situation focused on themselves as the star. What’s worse is that they lack so much self-awareness that most of the time, they don’t even realise they’re doing it. And it’s not just their behaviour that’s toxic—the things they say are pretty eyebrow-raising, too.
1. “That reminds me of when I…”
No matter what story you’re telling, they immediately hijack it with their own experience. You could be talking about your grandmother’s funeral, and they’d somehow make it about the time they went to a different funeral. They genuinely can’t listen to anything without it triggering a personal anecdote.
When someone constantly redirects conversations to their own experiences, they’re showing they see your stories as launching pads for their own, rather than opportunities to connect with you. Try sharing something personal and see if they ask follow-up questions or immediately start talking about themselves.
2. “I don’t usually tell people this, but…”
This makes them feel special and important while creating fake intimacy. They love the idea that they’re sharing something exclusive with you, even though they’ve probably told the same “secret” to dozens of other people. It’s all about feeling like the most interesting person in the room.
Watch how often they use this one, and whether their “rare” revelations actually seem rare at all. Self-absorbed people collect these moments of feeling special rather than building genuine intimate connections.
3. “No offence, but…”
This magical phrase supposedly gives them permission to say whatever they want while avoiding responsibility for hurt feelings. They think adding this disclaimer means they can deliver criticism or insults without consequences because technically, they warned you it might be offensive.
Notice whether they use this statement to say things that are genuinely helpful, or just to express judgements they know are inappropriate. It’s often a way to be cruel while pretending to be honest.
4. “I’m not trying to be mean, but…”
Similar to “no offence,” this one lets them say harsh things while positioning themselves as reluctant truth-tellers. They want credit for being honest, without taking responsibility for being unnecessarily harsh or critical about things that aren’t really their business. Pay attention to whether what follows this phrase is actually necessary feedback, or just them sharing negative opinions that nobody asked for. It’s often a way to disguise cruelty as helpfulness.
5. “Actually…”
Self-absorbed people love to correct everyone, even about minor details that don’t really matter. Starting sentences with “actually” lets them position themselves as the knowledgeable one while making you feel slightly stupid. They get a little rush from being the person with the right information.
Notice whether their corrections are about important facts or just opportunities to show off their knowledge. Someone who constantly corrects minor details is usually more interested in feeling smart than having accurate conversations.
6. “I’m really good at reading people.”
This lets them make pronouncements about other people’s motivations, feelings, or character while positioning themselves as having special insight. They think they’re naturally gifted at understanding people, which gives them permission to analyse everyone around them.
Watch whether their “readings” of people tend to be negative judgements disguised as psychological insights. Self-absorbed people often think they can see through everyone else while remaining mysteries themselves.
7. “I’m just being honest!”
They use honesty as an excuse to say things that are mean, inappropriate, or unnecessarily harsh. In their minds, being truthful justifies any amount of cruelty, and if you’re hurt by their “honesty,” that’s your problem for being too sensitive. Consider whether their version of honesty involves sharing difficult truths that help people, or just expressing every negative thought that crosses their mind. Real honesty includes kindness and appropriate timing.
8. “Most people can’t handle me.”
This one makes them feel unique and edgy while explaining away why relationships don’t work out. Instead of examining their own behaviour, they’ve decided that other people just aren’t strong enough or interesting enough to appreciate their complex personality.
Notice whether they use this phrase to avoid taking responsibility for relationship problems. It’s often easier to blame other people for being weak than to acknowledge that your behaviour might be difficult to deal with.
9. “I have to say what’s on my mind.”
They present their inability to filter inappropriate thoughts as a charming personality trait rather than poor social skills. This gives them permission to share every opinion, criticism, or observation without considering whether it’s helpful or wanted.
Watch whether their “honesty” is randomly distributed, or whether it tends to target certain people or situations. Sometimes “saying what’s on your mind” is really about expressing negativity that should stay in your head.
10. “People always tell me…”
This lets them share compliments about themselves while pretending they’re just reporting what other people have said. They get to brag without seeming like they’re bragging, and they get to feel validated by all these supposed admirers.
Pay attention to how often these reported compliments come up and whether they seem genuine or like things this person wishes people would say about them. It’s often a way to fish for validation.
11. “I’m not like other people.”
Self-absorbed people love feeling special and different, and this phrase lets them position themselves as unique while subtly criticising everyone else as ordinary or boring. They think being different automatically makes them more interesting or valuable than the masses.
Notice whether their claims of uniqueness are based on genuine interesting qualities or just a general sense that they’re too special for normal human experiences. Truly interesting people usually don’t need to announce how different they are.
12. “I could never do that.”
When other people share their choices or experiences, self-absorbed people often respond with judgement disguised as personal preference. This phrase lets them criticise your decisions while making it sound like they’re just being authentic about their own standards.
Consider whether these declarations of what they “could never do” are actual boundaries or subtle ways of making you feel bad about your choices. It’s often a way to feel superior without directly attacking you.
13. “That’s so funny because I…”
Everything you say becomes a launching pad for their own stories or observations. They can’t let any comment pass without finding a way to relate it back to themselves, even when the connection is completely forced or irrelevant.
Watch how often they use your statements as opportunities to talk about themselves, rather than engaging with what you’ve actually said. It shows they’re not really listening. Really, they’re just waiting for their turn to chime in and start their next monologue.
14. “I’m probably the only person who…”
This statement makes them feel special for having opinions, experiences, or preferences that they think are rare. They love positioning themselves as the unique person who notices things other people miss or feels things other people don’t understand.
Notice whether their claims of being “the only one” are actually true, or just ways of making common experiences sound exclusive. Most of the time, they’re not nearly as unique as they think they are.
15. “Everyone always asks me about…”
Similar to “people always tell me,” this phrase positions them as the go-to expert or the most interesting person in their social circle. They want you to know that other people constantly ask for their advice, opinions, or company, which proves how valuable they are. Pay attention to whether these claims seem realistic or inflated. Self-absorbed people often exaggerate how much people focus on them, or go to them for guidance and conversation.
16. “I can’t help it if…”
This one removes responsibility for their behaviour while positioning their flaws as charming quirks or unavoidable personality traits. They’re too honest, too passionate, too whatever to control themselves, so any problems their behaviour causes are really not their fault.
Consider whether they use this phrase to avoid making changes that would help their relationships. It’s often a way to keep behaving poorly while blaming their personality rather than their choices.
17. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This non-apology lets them appear considerate while actually dismissing your feelings and avoiding responsibility for whatever they did to upset you. They’re not sorry for their actions. They’re just sorry that you had the wrong reaction to their perfectly reasonable behaviour.
Notice whether their apologies acknowledge what they did wrong or just express regret that you’re upset about it. Real apologies take responsibility rather than making your feelings the problem.
