Most of us know to mind our Ps and Qs and not be deliberately offensive, but there are some people who have no qualms with being openly insulting.
When someone has a go at you, especially when it comes out of nowhere and is for no reason, it can really throw you off. In the moment, your brain goes blank, or you send up saying something you regret later. It doesn’t have to be that way, though—you don’t have to sink to their level or just put up with it. Here’s how to handle it without making things worse or letting it eat away at you.
Take a second before you react at all.
Your first instinct when someone insults you is probably to snap back immediately or defend yourself. Your heart’s racing, and you want to say something cutting right now, but reacting instantly usually makes everything messier than it needs to be.
Just stop for a few seconds and breathe properly. It sounds basic, but it genuinely helps you avoid saying something you’ll cringe about later, and it also stops you from giving them the big reaction they might be after.
Ask them to repeat what they just said.
Sometimes people throw insults out quickly, hoping you’ll let it slide or not properly clock what they said. Asking “sorry, what did you just say?” makes them either backtrack or commit to being openly rude, which most people actually bottle.
This works brilliantly because it puts the awkwardness back on them instead of you. They either have to repeat their nasty comment and own it, or they’ll mumble something about joking, and you’ve made your point without escalating anything.
Call out the behaviour without getting emotional about it.
You can just say something like “that was pretty rude” or “not sure why you’d say that to me” in a calm, factual way. You’re not shouting or crying, you’re just pointing out what happened like you’d point out they’ve got food on their shirt.
Staying calm while calling it out is powerful because you’re not giving them ammunition to say you’re overreacting. You’ve made it clear you noticed, and you’re not okay with it, but you’ve kept your dignity completely intact.
Use humour to deflect if the situation isn’t too serious.
For milder insults or awkward attempts at banter that missed the mark, sometimes a sarcastic “wow, you really thought about that one didn’t you?” or “cheers for that” works perfectly. You’re acknowledging what they said without giving it weight.
Humour can take the sting out and show you’re not bothered, which often shuts people down faster than getting upset would. Just make sure you’re not using jokes to hide genuine hurt if it actually did get to you properly.
Don’t try to insult them back in the moment.
It’s tempting to come up with something equally cutting to fire back at them, but honestly that usually just turns into a rubbish argument where everyone looks petty. You end up saying things you don’t mean just to land a hit.
Rising above it makes you look better and feel better afterwards. If you stoop to their level, you’ll probably replay the whole thing in your head for days wishing you’d handled it differently instead.
Remove yourself from the situation if it’s getting heated.
If someone’s proper going at you, and it’s escalating, just leave. Say something like, “I’m not doing this right now” and physically walk away from the conversation. You don’t owe anyone your presence while they’re being horrible to you.
Walking away isn’t weakness, it’s you choosing not to waste energy on someone acting like that. You can always address it later when things have calmed down, but staying there in the heat of it rarely makes anything better.
Figure out if this person’s opinion actually matters to you.
Some random person or someone you barely know insulting you should honestly just wash over you. Their opinion of you means nothing in the grand scheme of your life, so why let it take up space in your head for even a minute.
If it’s someone whose opinion you do value, that’s different and worth addressing properly later. However, most insults come from people whose thoughts about you really shouldn’t carry any weight at all when you think about it.
Address it privately later if it’s someone you have to deal with regularly.
If it’s a colleague, family member, or someone you can’t just cut off, wait until you’ve both calmed down and bring it up one on one. Say something like “what you said earlier really wasn’t okay” and give them a chance to explain or apologise properly.
Having that conversation away from an audience means they’re more likely to be genuine about it. People often double down on rudeness when they have an audience, but they’ll usually be more reasonable when it’s just the two of you.
Don’t keep rehashing what they said over and over in your head.
Your brain wants to replay the insult on loop and think of all the perfect comebacks you could have said. That’s normal, of course, but it’s also completely pointless and just makes you feel worse the more you do it.
When you catch yourself going over it again, deliberately think about something else or do something that requires focus. Giving that insult more of your mental energy is basically letting them insult you repeatedly, which they don’t deserve.
Talk to someone you trust about it if it’s really bothering you,
Getting it off your chest with a mate or family member helps you process what happened without bottling it up. They can give you perspective on whether the insult had any truth to it, or if the other person was just being a dick.
Sometimes you just need someone to say, “That person’s an idiot, forget about them” to help you move on. Keeping it to yourself often makes it seem bigger and more important than it actually is in reality.
Consider whether there’s any grain of truth you need to hear.
This is tough, but sometimes insults come from a place of frustration with something you actually are doing. If multiple people have hinted at the same thing, even rudely, it might be worth having an honest look at your behaviour.
That doesn’t make the insult okay or mean you deserved it said that way, but you can take what might be useful feedback and completely discard the nasty way it was delivered, dealing with those as separate things entirely.
Set clear boundaries if this person regularly insults you.
If someone makes a habit of putting you down, you need to tell them directly that it stops now, or you’ll be limiting contact with them. Be really specific about what you won’t tolerate anymore.
People who regularly insult you are testing what they can get away with. Once you make it clear that there are actual consequences, like you seeing them less or ending conversations when they start, they’ll either stop or you’ll naturally distance yourself.
Don’t post about it on social media looking for validation.
Vaguebooking about someone being rude or posting screenshots of the argument might feel satisfying in the moment, but it usually just drags more people into it and makes everything messier. Plus it can come across a bit attention seeking even if that’s not your intent.
Keep it between you and the person involved, or at most your close circle of friends. Broadcasting it online turns a personal insult into public drama, and that rarely ends well for anyone involved, really.
Recognise when someone’s projecting their own issues onto you.
Usually, people tend to insult others bout things they’re actually insecure about themselves. If someone calls you boring, chances are they’re worried about being boring. If they say you’re trying too hard, they probably feel inadequate about their own efforts.
Understanding that insults usually say more about the person giving them than the person receiving them helps take the power away. You’re just an easy target for them to externalise whatever they’re struggling with internally.
Decide if this relationship is worth keeping after what was said.
Some insults are relationship ending, full stop. If someone shows you who they really are when they’re angry or drunk or whatever, believe them. You don’t have to keep people in your life who think it’s okay to speak to you like that.
It’s not about holding grudges forever, it’s about recognising that some people don’t respect you enough to be in your life. You can forgive them without forgetting what happened or giving them another opportunity to do it again down the line.
