When you start seeing someone new, it’s easy to brush off the little things.
They’re nervous. You’re giving them the benefit of the doubt. You want it to work, so you tell yourself, “It’s probably nothing.” However, sometimes, those tiny things are actually signs—little warning bells that something deeper isn’t quite right. On their own, they might seem harmless, but they definitely pile up as time goes on. Unfortunately, by the time they become a problem, you’re already emotionally invested. Here are some of the subtler red flags that could become major issues down the line if ignored.
1. They joke about things that are actually quite cruel.
At first, you might laugh along because they’re “just joking,” but if their humour consistently pokes fun at other people, crosses your boundaries, or leaves you feeling uneasy, it’s worth paying attention to. Jokes are often where people reveal what they really think—just with a safety net.
If someone regularly uses humour to get away with mean-spirited comments, they’re probably not as lighthearted as they seem. Oh, and if they laugh when you bring it up? That’s not a joke—it’s avoidance.
2. They don’t ask questions about your life.
You might assume they’re shy, or just focused on the moment. However, if you realise they rarely ask about your interests, your day, or your opinions, that’s not shyness—it’s self-absorption. A genuine connection goes both ways. If they’re only interested in sharing their own stories, or they regularly forget things you’ve told them, you’re not being seen—you’re just an audience.
3. They’re overly intense right away.
It might feel flattering at first—constant texts, big compliments, talk of the future. However, love bombing isn’t love. If someone barely knows you, yet insists you’re “the one,” it’s often more about control than connection. Genuine interest builds steadily. If someone is coming on way too strong too quickly, it’s usually not about who you are—it’s about how fast they want to feel in control of the relationship dynamic.
4. They subtly dismiss your interests.
Source: Unsplash If they roll their eyes at your favourite show, downplay your hobbies, or act like your job isn’t that impressive, it might seem minor. The thing is, little jabs like that destroy respect over time. You don’t need someone to love everything you love, but you do need someone who respects that it matters to you. Dismissiveness early on usually turns into belittling later.
5. They get defensive over simple feedback.
Say you mention something small—maybe a text that rubbed you the wrong way or a miscommunication—and they immediately get cold, annoyed, or sulky. That’s not just defensiveness. It’s emotional immaturity. You can’t build a healthy connection with someone who treats every minor conversation like an attack. It means you’ll end up walking on eggshells just to keep the peace.
6. They talk badly about all their exes.
We’ve all had rough relationships, but if every ex they’ve ever had is “crazy,” “toxic,” or “emotionally unstable,” and they take zero responsibility for how things ended—it’s a pattern. Sooner or later, they’ll speak about you the same way. The way someone talks about past relationships tells you a lot about how they handle conflict, growth, and accountability.
7. They never seem to have long-term friendships.
It might not seem like a big deal at first, especially if they claim they “just don’t like people.” But if there’s no one in their life who’s known them for years, you have to wonder why. Strong, healthy people usually have a few solid connections that last. If they’re always starting fresh, it could be a sign they burn bridges, or struggle with real intimacy.
8. They always need to “win” the conversation.
If you share something vulnerable and they immediately one-up it, or steer the conversation back to themselves, you might be dealing with someone who lacks empathy, or just really needs control. You deserve a partner who can sit with your emotions without needing to dominate the space. If it always feels like a subtle competition, connection will be hard to build.
9. They push your boundaries, then act confused.
Maybe you said you wanted to take things slow, and they keep pushing anyway. Or, maybe you set a clear boundary, and they pretend they “didn’t realise.” That’s not misunderstanding. That’s testing you. Someone who cares about you will take your boundaries seriously, even if they don’t fully understand them yet. If you feel like you’re constantly having to explain why your needs matter, it’s not a good sign.
10. They interrupt a lot, but never notice.
In early conversation, constant interruption can feel like excitement. However, if they regularly talk over you, jump in to correct you, or dominate every topic—it’s not just enthusiasm. It’s control creeping in. If they don’t even notice or apologise when they cut you off, it shows a lack of awareness and respect. Eventually, you’ll start speaking less, and they’ll think that’s normal.
11. They expect you to justify your emotions.
If they only validate your feelings when you can “prove” them, that’s a red flag. You shouldn’t have to build a case every time something upsets you just to be taken seriously. A caring partner tries to understand your emotional experience—even if it’s different from theirs. If they’re always asking you to explain or defend how you feel, it’s not emotional curiosity—it’s dismissal in disguise.
12. They treat service staff badly.
This one’s a classic for a reason. If they’re rude to waiters, roll their eyes at customer service, or act superior in subtle ways when they think it “doesn’t matter,” believe what you’re seeing. How someone treats people they don’t have to impress says everything about their character. Eventually, that same attitude will show up in how they treat you when things get hard.
13. They brush over your wins.
Source: Unsplash When something goes well for you, they might give a half-hearted “nice” or change the topic quickly. You might tell yourself it’s just not a big deal, but deep down, it feels a little off. Someone who can’t celebrate your small wins isn’t going to support your big ones. That disinterest can slowly eat away at your self-worth without you even realising it.
14. Your body feels tense around them.
Source: Unsplash This one’s subtle, but important. If you find yourself tensing your jaw, feeling drained after hanging out, or second-guessing yourself constantly, it’s not just anxiety—it might be your nervous system picking up on something real. You don’t need a dramatic reason to feel uneasy. Sometimes your body knows what your mind hasn’t caught up to yet. If something feels off, it probably is, even if you can’t explain why just yet.
