Having kids is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make, and who you have them with matters just as much as whether you want them at all.
Some people just aren’t built for co-parenting, no matter how good they might seem on paper. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about having the emotional maturity, stability, and values to raise a whole human. If you’re thinking long-term, here are the types of people who will likely make that journey a lot harder than it needs to be.
1. The one who treats parenting like a favour
This is the person who acts like every nappy they change or school run they do is some grand gesture. They expect praise for showing up at the bare minimum level, as if parenting is optional for them and default for you. If someone views looking after their own child as a job they occasionally help with, it’s not going to be a fair or supportive partnership. You’ll end up doing everything while they act like they’re being generous.
2. The emotionally unavailable one
This person might function just fine in the day-to-day, but when it comes to showing emotional warmth, patience, or affection—they freeze. Kids need more than routines. They need presence, love, and someone who can handle big feelings without shutting down. If you’re constantly the one managing everyone’s emotions, that gets exhausting fast. A child raised by someone emotionally detached may grow up feeling unseen, even if their physical needs are met.
3. The one with zero self-awareness
This is the person who never reflects, never questions their own behaviour, and always blames other people when something goes wrong. If they hurt someone, they justify it. If they mess up, they deflect. Raising kids means learning on the job, and that takes humility. If someone can’t admit when they’re wrong, they’ll teach your child to hide mistakes, fear honesty, and repeat unhealthy patterns.
4. The one who’s always in victim mode
Everything is always happening to them. They carry a cloud of helplessness around and expect other people to rescue them from their own choices. When life gets hard, they fall apart, or make it everyone else’s fault. If you have kids with this person, expect to become the emotional and practical backbone of the household. And worse, your children may grow up thinking that being overwhelmed is a permanent state instead of something you work through.
5. The control freak
This is the person who has to have everything done their way, on their timeline, with no room for flexibility. They micromanage, correct constantly, and create an environment that feels more like a military operation than a home. Children need structure, yes, but not to the point of suffocation. A rigid co-parent makes it hard to let kids be kids. And you’ll likely spend most of your time trying to soften their grip, so your child can actually breathe.
6. The one with untreated issues they won’t address
Everyone’s got something, but if someone refuses to acknowledge or work on their own trauma, addictions, or behavioural issues, that’s a massive red flag. Their pain ends up shaping your child’s emotional landscape. It’s not about perfection—it’s about effort. If they’re unwilling to grow or get help, they’ll create chaos that your child will absorb, and you’ll be stuck trying to clean up the emotional fallout.
7. The one who sees kids as accessories
This is the person who’s more interested in how parenthood looks than what it actually demands. They post cute photos, talk about milestones, and expect their child to reflect well on them, but they’re checked out when it gets messy. Raising kids is gritty and unglamorous at times. If someone isn’t willing to be present during the tantrums, the chaos, and the boring bits, you’ll end up being the only real parent in the picture.
8. The commitment-phobe
This person avoids long-term plans, ducks responsibility, and treats relationships as temporary contracts. When things get serious, they either vanish or emotionally detach so they don’t have to feel responsible. If they can’t commit to you, they won’t suddenly step up for a child. And you’ll be left trying to co-parent with someone who sees parenthood as optional once it no longer suits them.
9. The one who thinks kids are meant to complete them
They talk about how a baby will bring purpose or heal their wounds. They expect children to fill the gaps in their self-worth and create a new reason to live. That’s far too much emotional weight to put on a child. It creates pressure and resentment, and it turns your kid into a coping mechanism instead of a person. That never ends well.
10. The unpredictable one
This is the person whose moods change like the weather. You never know if you’re getting calm, distant, angry, or overbearing. Living with them is like walking on eggshells, and that tension affects kids even more than it affects you. Children thrive in emotional safety. If a co-parent is constantly chaotic, it chips away at that safety until your child starts to feel like stability only exists when the unpredictable person isn’t around.
11. The one who belittles your parenting
This person constantly corrects or mocks the way you parent. They don’t want to work as a team—they want to feel superior. Every choice you make becomes a point of criticism, not discussion. Parenting already comes with doubt. The last thing you need is someone undermining you from the inside. And worse, it teaches your kids that one parent deserves respect while the other doesn’t.
12. The one with no patience
Source: Unsplash Parenting demands repetition. You’ll explain the same thing twenty different ways. You’ll clean up the same mess over and over. If someone lacks basic patience, they’ll either blow up or check out when things get frustrating. Your child deserves a parent who won’t snap over spilled milk—literally. If someone’s fuse is short with adults, it’s going to be even shorter with a toddler who doesn’t know how to regulate anything yet.
13. The one who doesn’t respect your boundaries
Source: Unsplash If they bulldoze your needs, ignore your limits, or guilt you every time you say “no,” they’re not going to magically start respecting boundaries once a baby shows up. It’ll only get worse. You’ll be trying to protect your energy, your sleep, and your time—and they’ll treat that as selfish or inconvenient. A healthy co-parent needs to understand that your well-being matters, too—because it directly impacts your child.
