Arguments happen even in the healthiest relationships.
However, it’s what happens after the argument that often shapes the future of the relationship more than the fight itself. You can say all the right things during the fight, but if your actions after the fact don’t match up, resentment can linger. Whether you’re the one who stormed out or the one who shut down, here are some things you really don’t want to do after an argument if you care about fixing things properly.
1. Pretend nothing happened
It might feel easier to just sweep it under the rug and move on like nothing happened, especially if the atmosphere is tense. The problem is that ignoring it doesn’t make it go away—it just delays the real repair. Silence can feel like punishment when what’s actually needed is reassurance and understanding.
Even if you’re both tired or over it, a quick “We good?” or “That got heated, can we talk when we’ve calmed down?” can do more than you think. Avoiding the issue sends the message that your connection isn’t worth the effort, even if that’s not what you mean.
2. Jump straight into being overly affectionate
Some people go straight into cuddles, kisses, or flirty texts right after a fight, hoping to smooth things over without actually addressing the problem. It’s well-meaning, but confusing. It skips the important part: resolution. Emotional repair doesn’t happen just because you change the subject or switch the mood. Intimacy feels safer when it’s built on clarity, not avoidance.
3. Bring up old arguments
Bringing up five past arguments just to prove a point never goes well. It turns the current issue into a messy greatest-hits album of everything that’s ever gone wrong. That makes the other person defensive, not open. If something from the past still bothers you, it deserves its own space, not as fuel in a new fight. Stick to one issue at a time, and give it the attention it actually needs.
4. Post vague messages online
Venting on social media with “some people really show their true colours” posts might feel satisfying in the moment, but it usually just adds more tension. It doesn’t solve anything. In reality, it just invites opinions from people who don’t know the full story. Even worse, it can feel humiliating to your partner, especially if they’re private. If you’re frustrated, text a friend, not your entire following.
5. Expect them to fix it all without doing your part
It’s tempting to wait for your partner to make the first move—to apologise, to explain, to repair. However, if you both do that, nothing changes. Someone has to go first, and if you care about the relationship, there’s no shame in that being you. Healing after conflict takes two people being a bit braver, a bit softer, and a bit less interested in being right. Holding a grudge might feel powerful, but connection feels better.
6. Downplay what was said in the heat of the moment
Just because things were said in anger doesn’t mean they didn’t land hard. “I didn’t mean it” doesn’t always undo the impact, especially if this happens a lot. It’s better to say, “I said that out of frustration, but I understand it hurt you,” than to act like they’re being too sensitive. Owning your words builds trust, even if they weren’t perfect.
7. Give the silent treatment
Going completely quiet after a fight isn’t the same as taking space. One is intentional, the other is cold. When someone shuts down completely with no communication, it leaves the other person confused and emotionally stranded. It’s okay to need time to cool off, but say so. “I need a few hours, but I’m not walking away from this” can make a world of difference.
8. Try to make them jealous
Some people use attention from other people as a weird way to get back at their partner, whether it’s posting thirst traps or texting someone they know will get under their skin. It’s immature, and it never ends well. If you’re hurt, say so. If you want to feel seen, ask for it. Trying to provoke jealousy usually just adds a new problem on top of the one you already had.
9. Expect the fight to disappear without talking about it
Time alone doesn’t fix things. It can help calm you down, but eventually, someone has to speak. Waiting it out and hoping it’ll vanish can leave wounds unhealed and assumptions flying. You don’t need a full sit-down therapy session every time you argue, but even five honest minutes can help you both feel less tense and more connected again.
10. Talk badly about your partner to other people
Ranting to friends or family can give temporary relief, but if it becomes your go-to, it changes how other people see your partner, and your relationship. Not everyone needs to know every low point. If you do need to vent, choose someone who won’t hold it against your partner forever. Or even better, journal it first—sometimes you realise you don’t actually want to say it out loud once it’s on paper.
11. Turn it into a personal failure
After a fight, it’s easy to spiral into thoughts like “I ruin everything” or “They must be sick of me.” The thing is, punishing yourself isn’t the same as taking accountability. It’s just another way of avoiding resolution. Stay in the moment. What happened, what needs to be said, and what you can both do differently next time—that’s what matters. Self-blame doesn’t solve anything.
12. Try to force forgiveness right away
Source: Unsplash If your partner needs a little time to cool down or process, respect that. Trying to rush back to “everything’s fine” before they’re ready can make them feel invalidated. Give space for the repair to be real. Forgiveness isn’t about pretending the fight never happened. It’s about knowing it did, and choosing to work through it anyway.
13. Weaponise your emotions
Whether it’s crying to shut the conversation down, using guilt to win the upper hand, or sulking until they cave, it’s not a good move. It changes the power dynamic instead of resolving the issue. Emotions are valid. Using them to manipulate isn’t. Stay open, stay honest, and focus on resolution, not control.
14. Expect the same kind of apology you’d give
Source: Unsplash Some people need time. Some need to write it out. Some are awkward and fumble through it. If you’re waiting for a specific kind of apology, you might miss the one they’re actually giving you. Pay attention to their effort, not just the delivery. If they’re trying, acknowledge it, even if it’s clunky. You can always follow up with what you still need.
15. Leave without explaining why
Source: Unsplash Storming out can feel powerful in the moment, but it often leaves more damage than the fight itself. It creates abandonment anxiety and turns the issue into something much bigger. If you need to step away, say so clearly. “I need a break, but I’m not leaving this unresolved” can be a small sentence that makes a huge difference.
