“Hate” is a strong word (and an even stronger sentiment), but sometimes it’s the only one that seems fitting when it comes to describing your feelings about someone.
Hating someone can feel all-consuming, draining your energy and keeping you stuck in negativity. Whether it’s resentment toward an ex, a friend who betrayed you, or someone who deeply wronged you, holding onto hatred rarely benefits you. In fact, it can actually start to eat you up inside, destroying you the way you daydream about destroying the object of your disdain. Here’s how to nip this feeling in the bud so you can move forward with a sense of peace. It’s not easy, but it’ll be worth the effort.
1. Accept that your feelings are valid but not permanent.
Hating someone doesn’t make you a bad person; it’s a natural emotional response to being hurt, betrayed, or wronged. Suppressing those feelings won’t make them disappear, but recognising them is the first step toward letting them go. Emotions change over time, and what feels unbearable now won’t always be this intense. By reminding yourself that hate isn’t a permanent state, you open the door to eventually moving on.
2. Identify what exactly fuels your hatred.
Hating someone often comes from unresolved pain, disappointment, or frustration. Is it betrayal? Unfair treatment? A lingering sense of injustice? Identifying the root cause can help you process your emotions rather than staying stuck in them. Understanding what fuels your anger allows you to focus on addressing the real issue rather than just the person. Sometimes, it’s not even about them; it’s about how they made you feel, which can be worked through without staying trapped in hate.
3. Stop replaying the situation in your head.
Constantly revisiting what happened only strengthens your hatred. While processing pain is necessary, obsessing over past events keeps the wound fresh. The more you dwell on what they did, the harder it becomes to move forward. Breaking the cycle means recognising when you’re falling into these mental loops and redirecting your focus. Finding distractions, staying busy, or even saying “stop” to yourself when the thoughts arise can help weaken the hold of resentment.
4. Consider the possibility of perspective.
You don’t have to agree with what they did, but considering their perspective can sometimes soften hatred. Were they acting out of insecurity, ignorance, or their own unresolved issues? While that doesn’t excuse their behaviour, it can help shift your focus from anger to understanding. Hate thrives on seeing someone as purely “bad,” but most people are complex. Recognising that they are human, flawed, and possibly unaware of the full impact of their actions can help reduce the intensity of your feelings.
5. Recognise how hate is affecting you, not them.
Hating someone rarely harms them — it only drains your own energy. The person you despise may not even be aware of how much space they occupy in your mind. Meanwhile, you’re the one carrying the emotional weight. Ask yourself: Is this hatred serving me? Is it making my life better? If the answer is no, then choosing to let go has nothing to do with excusing them — it’s about freeing yourself from the emotional burden.
6. Limit your exposure to things that fuel the hatred.
Social media, mutual friends, and certain environments can keep the hatred alive. Seeing updates, hearing about them, or being reminded of their presence can trigger fresh waves of anger, making it harder to let go. Consider muting, unfollowing, or setting boundaries to reduce these triggers. Creating distance doesn’t mean avoiding reality; it means giving yourself the space to heal without constant reminders.
7. Express your emotions in a healthy way.
Keeping emotions bottled up can make them feel even more overwhelming. Finding an outlet, be it exercising, journaling, or talking to someone you trust, can help you process your feelings without letting them consume you. Writing a letter to the person (without sending it) can also be surprisingly effective. Putting your feelings into words helps bring clarity and release some of the emotional weight, making it easier to move forward.
8. Practice self-compassion instead of self-righteousness.
Hatred often makes us feel morally superior, focusing on how wrong the other person was. But shifting the focus to your own healing rather than their flaws can help weaken resentment. Self-compassion allows you to prioritise your well-being instead of staying caught up in anger. Instead of thinking, “They don’t deserve forgiveness,” try asking, “Do I deserve to keep carrying this anger?” Prioritising your own peace over proving a point is one of the best ways to move on.
9. Avoid revenge, even if it feels tempting.
When someone hurts us, the desire to “even the score” can be strong. But revenge — whether through words, actions, or passive aggression — rarely brings real satisfaction. It often extends the cycle of negativity rather than bringing closure. Choosing not to seek revenge doesn’t mean letting them off the hook; it means refusing to let their actions dictate your own behaviour. True strength comes from moving on, not from sinking to their level.
10. Focus on personal growth instead of resentment.
Holding onto hate keeps you emotionally tied to the past. Shifting your focus toward self-improvement, new goals, and better relationships can help weaken the grip of resentment. The more you invest in yourself, the less space they take up in your mind. Ask yourself: What can I learn from this experience? How can I use this as motivation to grow? Transforming pain into personal development is a powerful way to reclaim control over your emotions.
11. Set boundaries if they’re still in your life.
If you can’t fully avoid the person, establishing boundaries is key. Just because they’re a colleague, family member, or someone in your social circle doesn’t mean you can’t put your foot down. Limiting interactions, keeping conversations neutral, and emotionally distancing yourself can prevent fresh conflicts from reigniting old hatred. Boundaries don’t make you cold or passive-aggressive; they’re about protecting your peace. The less opportunity they have to negatively impact you, the easier it becomes to move on.
12. Understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting.
Many people resist letting go of hatred because they think it means excusing what happened. But forgiveness isn’t about erasing the past; it’s about choosing not to let it control your present. It’s an act of self-liberation, not approval of their actions. Forgiveness can be internal — you don’t even need to tell the person. It’s simply deciding that they no longer have the power to dictate your emotions or mental state.
13. Surround yourself with people who bring positivity.
The more you engage with supportive, uplifting people, the less room there is for hate in your life. Being around those who encourage healing, growth, and optimism can naturally shift your mindset away from negativity. Spending time with people who bring out the best in you makes it easier to let go of toxic emotions. Positive relationships act as a reminder that not everyone is like the person who hurt you, helping to restore trust and emotional balance.
14. Give it time — healing isn’t instant.
Letting go of hatred doesn’t happen overnight. Some days will be easier than others, and that’s normal. The key is to keep making small choices that move you toward peace rather than staying stuck in resentment. Even if the hate feels overwhelming now, remind yourself that it won’t always be this way. With time, effort, and a focus on your own well-being, the intensity of these feelings will fade, and one day, you’ll realise they no longer have control over you.
