Look, we’ve all been part of a conversation in which we’re thinking about what we’re going to say after the other person stops yammering.
However, while our minds are coming up with the perfect response, we’re not actually listening to what the other person has to say. That’s… not ideal, especially because active listening is all about making the other person feel heard and understood. If you want to get better at actually tuning into what your convo partners have to say, here are some tips to get you started.
1. Put down your phone.
Source: Unsplash It seems obvious, but these days, our phones are constant distractions — we’re literally glued to them most of the time. When someone is talking to you, put your phone away, turn off notifications, and give them your undivided attention. This simple act shows respect and signals that you value what they have to say.
2. Actually look the person in the eye.
Looking someone in the eye while they speak shows you’re engaged and helps you better understand their emotions and intentions. Avoid glancing at your watch, scanning the room, or staring off into space. Instead, focus your gaze on the speaker and let them know you’re fully present.
3. Let them finish their train of thought without interrupting.
It can be tempting to jump in with your own thoughts or experiences, but resist the urge to interrupt. Let the speaker finish their thought before sharing your own. This shows respect for their perspective and allows you to fully grasp their message before responding.
4. Ask questions that require longer, more thoughtful answers.
Instead of simple yes or no questions, ask questions that encourage the speaker to elaborate and share more details. For example, instead of asking “Did you have a good day?” ask “What was the highlight of your day?” This shows genuine interest and invites deeper conversation.
5. Pay attention to their body language and respond accordingly.
Words are just one part of communication. Pay attention to the speaker’s body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. These nonverbal cues can provide valuable insights into their emotions and true feelings, even if their words don’t fully express them.
6. Sum up what they have to say and repeat it back to them (but not in a weird way).
Source: Unsplash After the person finishes sharing, briefly sum up what you heard and reflect back their feelings. This shows that you were listening actively and helps ensure you understood their message correctly. It also gives the speaker a chance to clarify any misunderstandings.
7. For God’s sake, don’t give advice if you haven’t been asked for it.
Source: Unsplash Unless specifically asked for, resist the urge to offer advice or solutions. Sometimes, people just need to vent or share their feelings without being told what to do. Simply listening and offering support can be more valuable than any advice you could give.
8. Be patient and give the person space to talk.
Source: Unsplash Not everyone is a natural communicator, and some people might need a bit more time to gather their thoughts or express themselves. Be patient and allow pauses in the conversation. Avoid rushing the speaker or filling every silence with your own words. Giving them space to think and speak at their own pace can lead to more meaningful conversations.
9. Validate their feelings.
Source: Unsplash Even if you don’t necessarily agree with their perspective, acknowledge and validate their feelings. You can say things like, “That sounds really frustrating” or “I can understand why you feel that way.” This shows empathy and understanding, even if you don’t share the same viewpoint.
10. If they do want advice, don’t give it too quickly.
Sometimes, people just need to vent or talk through a problem without being told what to do. Resist the urge to jump in with solutions right away. Instead, listen patiently and offer support. If they ask for your advice, provide it thoughtfully, but remember that ultimately, the decision is theirs.
11. Be present in the moment.
Source: Unsplash Put aside your own worries and distractions and focus your full attention on the person speaking. Avoid mentally rehearsing your response or thinking about other tasks. Being fully present allows you to truly hear and understand what the other person is saying.
12. Don’t compare their experiences to your own.
Everyone’s experiences are unique. Avoid comparing their situation to something you’ve gone through. Instead, focus on understanding their perspective and offering support based on their individual needs and feelings.
13. Be mindful of your own biases.
We all have biases and preconceived notions that can affect how we listen and interpret information. Be aware of your own biases and strive to keep an open mind. Challenge your assumptions and be willing to consider different perspectives.
14. Practice your listening skills until you get them perfect.
Like any skill, listening takes practice. The more you engage in active listening, the better you’ll become at it. Make a conscious effort to practice these techniques in your daily interactions with friends, family, and colleagues. Over time, you’ll notice a significant improvement in your ability to connect with people and build stronger relationships.
