As anyone who’s ever dealt with one knows, narcissists rarely act alone.
They make sure to surround themselves with people who echo their stories, defend their actions, or do their bidding without question. These enablers, sometimes called “flying monkeys,” aren’t always easy to recognise, especially because they may be people you thought were your friends or who cared about you. However, if you notice any of these red flags, beware—these people aren’t to be trusted.
1. They defend the narcissist no matter what.
Certain people will jump to shield the narcissist, even when their behaviour is plainly unfair or cruel. Instead of acknowledging the harm done, they excuse it, minimise it, or insist the intentions were harmless, leaving you second-guessing your own reaction.
Take note of who constantly covers for them. If someone always finds a way to protect the narcissist from criticism rather than engaging with the reality of the harm, they’re functioning as a sidekick rather than a true friend.
2. They spread the narcissist’s version of events.
Stories rarely stay with the narcissist. Their supporters often repeat them, adjusting the details to cast the narcissist as the victim and you as the one at fault. Over time, these retold stories warp how other people see the situation.
Notice where rumours and gossip start. If the same narrative is being echoed by someone else, it’s a strong indicator they’re carrying messages designed to damage your reputation while protecting the narcissist’s image.
3. They pressure you to forgive quickly.
Forgiveness can be a powerful thing, but being pushed to “just move on” before issues are resolved is unfair. When this pressure comes from someone else, it usually isn’t about your well-being, but about shielding the narcissist from accountability.
Recognise when you’re being urged into forgiveness on someone else’s timeline. If a person makes you feel guilty for holding firm, it shows they’re more invested in keeping the narcissist comfortable than in ensuring fairness for you.
4. They play the messenger for manipulation.
Instead of addressing you directly, the narcissist often uses other people to deliver their messages. These go-betweens may pass along comments, complaints, or even veiled threats, allowing the narcissist to maintain distance while still controlling the narrative.
When you find yourself receiving repeated messages second-hand, step back and question why. Declining to participate in this back-and-forth forces direct communication, which removes the buffer that fuels manipulation.
5. They minimise your feelings.
Sharing your concerns only to be told you’re “too sensitive” or “overreacting” is a classic sign of emotional invalidation. Instead of taking your feelings seriously, these people push the blame back onto you, which conveniently shields the narcissist from scrutiny.
Pay attention to how conversations leave you feeling. If you consistently walk away doubting yourself or feeling dismissed, it’s a clear sign the other person is protecting someone else’s image rather than respecting your truth.
6. They encourage you to doubt yourself.
Confusion is often part of the strategy. Supporters may insist you’ve misunderstood, that your memory is faulty, or that you’re being unfair. Little by little, these comments can erode your confidence in your own perspective.
Stay steady by keeping track of events and trusting your instincts. If doubt creeps in only after speaking with certain people, it’s worth questioning whose side they’re really on and why they want you unsettled.
7. Their loyalty feels exaggerated.
You may notice some people constantly praising or admiring the narcissist in a way that feels over the top. Their loyalty often sounds scripted, as though they’re desperate to prove their devotion rather than offering genuine support.
Observe whether their loyalty leaves room for honesty. True respect includes acknowledging flaws, but blind allegiance usually signals manipulation and imbalance at work.
8. They subtly isolate you from other people.
One common tactic is to act as a gatekeeper, influencing who spends time with you. They might spread rumours, withhold invitations, or subtly discourage other people from keeping close, leaving you more isolated as time goes on.
Watch how your social circles evolve and change. If someone repeatedly steers people away from you, it’s likely they’re carrying out the narcissist’s strategy to reduce your support system.
9. They make you feel guilty instead of offering support.
Rather than showing empathy when you step back, they may shame you for not giving the narcissist “another chance.” These guilt trips frame self-protection as selfishness, which can leave you questioning your boundaries.
Remind yourself that protecting your peace is not unkind. When guilt is used as a weapon, it reveals the other person’s agenda clearly: keeping you tethered to the narcissist at your own expense.
10. They portray the narcissist as misunderstood.
You may hear repeated claims that the narcissist “means well” or that “people don’t see the real them.” This narrative softens accountability and nudges you towards excusing behaviour that doesn’t deserve to be excused.
Stay cautious when compassion is used as a shield. While empathy is valuable, ignoring the harm done only enables destructive behaviour to continue unchecked.
11. They stir competition instead of helping you find or reach a resolution.
Instead of helping resolve issues, they may imply you’re being compared to other people, even if that’s not the case at all. This stirs rivalry and keeps you distracted from the actual problem, which is the narcissist’s behaviour.
Refuse to play along with comparisons. Step back and remember that rivalry is being introduced to unsettle you, not to genuinely resolve anything.
12. They pose as peacekeepers, but aren’t neutral.
Some people present themselves as mediators, appearing calm and reasonable. However, their suggestions often lean heavily towards the narcissist’s benefit, leaving you pressured to compromise far more than is fair.
Look at the outcomes rather than the tone. If their so-called solutions consistently favour one side, neutrality is only a façade, not the reality.
13. They shame you for setting boundaries.
When you try to create distance or protect yourself, they may label you as “cold” or “selfish.” These shaming tactics are meant to make you feel guilty so you drop your boundaries and fall back in line.
Stay firm by reminding yourself why those limits are in place. Boundaries are not cruelty; they’re essential for protecting your mental and emotional health, no matter how other people frame them.
14. They fade away once you disengage.
When you step back and refuse to engage in the drama, many of these people quietly disappear. Their involvement was tied to playing a role in the narcissist’s world, not to genuine care for you as a person.
Notice who stays when the chaos subsides. Real friends and family remain present, but those who were only ever serving someone else’s agenda drift away without a second thought.
