A lot of people complain about “PC culture,” but there’s nothing wrong with speaking to everyone with respect and courtesy.
While most people don’t set out to intentionally offend someone, that doesn’t mean there aren’t statements you make that lead to exactly that result. These are the everyday expressions that seem harmless but actually land badly with the people on the receiving end, and most of us say them without thinking twice.
1. “You’re so articulate.”
This compliment often gets directed at people from backgrounds where others don’t expect eloquence, and it carries the implication that being well-spoken is surprising given their race, class, or background. It’s meant as praise but suggests that articulate speech isn’t the norm for “people like them.”
The phrase reveals unconscious assumptions about who’s supposed to be intelligent or educated, and it can make people feel like they’re being judged against lowered expectations. Just appreciate good communication without adding surprise to the mix.
2. “I don’t see colour”
This statement is meant to show you’re not racist, but it actually dismisses the very real experiences that people of colour face and suggests their racial identity doesn’t matter. Claiming colour blindness can feel like you’re erasing an important part of someone’s identity and the challenges they’ve faced because of it.
Acknowledging that you see and respect differences while treating everyone fairly is much better than pretending those differences don’t exist. People want their experiences recognised, not ignored.
3. “You’re lucky you can eat whatever you want”
This comment about someone’s weight or metabolism assumes they don’t work for their body, have health issues you can’t see, or struggle with food in ways you don’t understand. It also implies that thinness is purely luck rather than genetics, health conditions, or personal circumstances.
Many people who hear this are actually dealing with eating disorders, health problems, or body image issues that make these comments painful rather than complimentary. Keep observations about other people’s bodies and eating habits to yourself.
4. “Everything happens for a reason”
When someone is going through something awful, this phrase suggests their suffering serves some cosmic purpose, which can feel dismissive of their pain and frustrating when they’re trying to process difficult emotions. It implies they should find meaning in their trauma rather than just being allowed to hurt.
This saying often makes people feel like they’re not allowed to be upset about bad things that happen to them. Sometimes terrible things just happen, and there doesn’t need to be a deeper reason for someone’s pain to be valid.
5. “You look tired”
Unless someone has specifically mentioned being exhausted, this comment is basically telling them they look rough, which isn’t helpful or kind. It makes people self-conscious about their appearance and often reflects more about your expectations than their actual state.
This phrase rarely comes from genuine concern and usually just makes people feel worse about themselves. If you’re actually worried about someone’s wellbeing, ask how they’re feeling rather than commenting on how they look.
6. “At least you don’t have kids”
This gets said to people dealing with various life challenges, but it assumes not having children is always a choice and that everyone finds parenting burdensome. For people struggling with infertility or who desperately want children, this phrase can be deeply hurtful.
It also dismisses their current struggles by suggesting their problems aren’t as valid as those of parents. People’s difficulties are real regardless of their family situation, and comparing suffering rarely helps anyone feel better.
7. “You’re so exotic looking”
This phrase treats someone’s appearance as foreign or unusual rather than just different from your own background, and it often makes people feel like they’re being othered or fetishised. Calling someone exotic suggests they’re not quite normal or that their looks are novelty items.
The word “exotic” is typically used for animals or foreign objects, not people, and it can make someone feel like a curiosity rather than just a human being with different features. Compliment people’s appearance without making it sound like they’re from another planet.
8. “That’s so gay”
Using “gay” as a synonym for stupid, annoying, or bad associates homosexuality with negative qualities, even when you don’t mean it that way. This casual usage perpetuates harmful stereotypes and can make LGBTQ+ people feel unwelcome or attacked.
The phrase suggests that being gay is inherently negative or undesirable, which affects how people think about sexuality and identity. Find other words to express disapproval that don’t inadvertently insult entire groups of people.
9. “You’re being too sensitive”
This phrase dismisses someone’s emotional response and suggests their feelings are wrong or excessive, rather than addressing the issue that upset them. It shifts blame from the action that caused hurt to the person’s reaction, which often makes them feel worse.
Telling someone they’re too sensitive shuts down communication and makes them less likely to share their feelings in the future. Instead of policing their emotional responses, try understanding why they’re upset and whether there’s something you can do differently.
10. “I was just joking”
This defence comes out when someone gets called out for saying something hurtful, but it places the responsibility on the listener to find offensive comments funny rather than on the speaker to consider their impact. It suggests the person who’s upset lacks a sense of humour.
Impact matters more than intention, and dismissing someone’s hurt feelings with “it was just a joke” prevents any real accountability or learning. If your joke hurt someone, the appropriate response is an apology, not a lecture about their sense of humour.
11. “Where are you really from?”
When someone says they’re from Manchester and you keep pushing for their “real” origin, you’re implying they don’t belong in their home country or that their appearance doesn’t match your expectations of who gets to be British. This question others people based on their ethnicity.
The follow-up questions about ancestry or parents’ origins suggest that some people are more authentically from here than others. If you’re curious about someone’s background, wait for them to share that information rather than interrogating them about their origins.
12. “You’re pretty for a [insert group]”
This backhanded compliment suggests that people from certain backgrounds are generally not attractive, making the person an exception to their group’s supposed ugliness. It’s meant as praise, but actually insults both the individual and everyone who shares their characteristics.
The phrase reveals prejudiced assumptions about what beauty looks like and implies that the person should feel grateful for being considered attractive despite their race, size, age, or other attributes. Compliments shouldn’t come with implicit insults attached.
13. “That’s not normal”
Labelling someone’s behaviour, preferences, or lifestyle as abnormal can be deeply hurtful and isolating, especially for people who already feel different or marginalised. This phrase suggests there’s a right way to be human, and they’re failing at it.
What’s normal varies widely between cultures, families, and individuals, and using your own experience as the standard for everyone else dismisses the validity of different ways of living. Different doesn’t mean wrong, and normal is often just what you’re used to.
14. “You should smile more”
This instruction, often directed at women, suggests someone’s natural expression isn’t pleasant enough for your comfort and that they should perform happiness for your benefit. It implies their face exists for other people’s enjoyment rather than their own emotional expression.
Telling someone to smile more dismisses whatever they might be feeling and places the burden of managing your comfort on them. People’s faces belong to them, and they don’t owe you or anyone else a particular expression.
15. “Boys will be boys”
This phrase excuses harmful behaviour by suggesting it’s inevitable male nature rather than choices that can be addressed and changed. It sets low expectations for boys and men while dismissing the impact of their actions on other people.
Using biological determinism to excuse poor behaviour prevents accountability and growth, while sending the message that victims should just accept mistreatment. Boys and men are capable of controlling their behaviour and should be held to reasonable standards.
16. “I’m not racist, but…”
Whatever follows this disclaimer is almost always going to be racist, and prefacing problematic statements with denial doesn’t make them less offensive. It’s become a warning sign that someone’s about to say something they know is questionable.
If you have to preface a comment with assurances about your character, that’s probably a sign you shouldn’t say it. Let your actions and words speak for themselves, rather than trying to provide cover for statements you know might be problematic.
