When you’ve survived a terrible relationship, it’s natural to be a bit cautious moving forward.
After all, you believed with all your heart that your ex was a great person who would never hurt you, and you know how that turned out. The experience may have made you lose faith in your own judgement, which makes a good relationship, when it eventually comes along, harder to recognise. Here are some signs to look out for that tell you you’re on the right track.
1. You feel comfortable being yourself around them.
When you’re with this person, you don’t feel the need to put on an act. You can relax and be your authentic self without fear of judgement. Being so effortlessly comfortable is a pretty good sign that you’re with someone who accepts you for who you are.
2. They respect your boundaries from the start.
A potential good partner will honour your limits without trying to push or manipulate you. They understand when you need space or time and respect it without making you feel guilty. Their respect, right from the beginning, is a great building block for a healthy relationship.
3. Communication feels easy and open from the beginning.
You find that you can talk about various topics without fear of backlash or dismissal; they listen actively and express themselves clearly. Having an open dialogue helps build understanding and could form a strong foundation for a relationship. Communication is key, after all.
4. Early disagreements are handled maturely.
Even in the early stages, you notice that any arguments or disagreements are handled with maturity. You can have different perspectives without it turning into a major fight. Both of you focus on understanding each other rather than winning arguments, and this approach is a good sign for future problem-solving.
5. They show genuine interest in your goals and dreams.
A potentially good partner will ask about your aspirations and seem genuinely interested. They offer encouragement or ask thoughtful questions about your plans, and their interest shows that they care about your happiness and fulfilment. You want a partner who’s your biggest cheerleader, and they just might be that person!
6. You don’t feel the need to constantly check up on them.
Unlike past hurtful experiences, you feel confident that you can safely trust their words and actions. You don’t feel the urge to verify everything they say or do. The growing trust you have in them is built through consistent, reliable behaviour and open communication.
7. The budding relationship feels balanced.
You notice that both of you are putting in effort — it’s not just one person always initiating contact or making plans. Having a balance shows that both of you are equally invested in exploring the potential relationship, and that’s how you want it. No one wants to be in a one-sided situationship.
8. They encourage you to maintain your individuality.
A good potential partner doesn’t try to monopolise all your time. Instead, they encourage you to maintain your friendships, hobbies, and interests. This shows they value you as an individual and not just as a potential partner. Even if you do end up in a proper relationship, you still need your own life outside of it!
9. Physical boundaries are respected.
You notice that they’re attentive to your comfort levels with physical affection. They don’t pressure you for intimacy, and respect your pace without pouting about it or trying to guilt-trip you. Their respect for your physical boundaries implies a deeper respect for you as a person.
10. You feel heard and understood when you express yourself.
When you share your thoughts or feelings, they make an effort to understand your perspective. They ask questions so that they understand you more, and they validate your feelings, even if they don’t always agree. Their insistence on understanding creates a sense of emotional safety.
11. Their actions match their words.
Source: Unsplash You notice that they follow through on what they say they’ll do. Their behaviour is consistent, which helps you feel more secure about their intentions. Knowing you can rely on someone is paramount for building trust, especially after being hurt.
12. You feel safe being vulnerable with them.
Source: Unsplash As you get to know them, you start to feel more comfortable sharing deeper thoughts and feelings. When you do open up, they respond with empathy and support, not judgement or dismissal. Knowing you can let your guard down with them is a good sign for emotional intimacy.
13. Being around them brings out good qualities in you.
Source: Unsplash You notice that their presence or influence makes you want to be a better version of yourself — not because they demand it, but because their support and positivity motivate you. Their positive influence is a hallmark of a potentially healthy relationship.
14. You genuinely enjoy spending time together.
Source: Unsplash Beyond the excitement of a new connection, you find that you simply enjoy their company. You can have fun doing simple things together, and you never feel like you have to “entertain” them. The fact that you can enjoy yourself thoroughly together even during mundane moments is a good foundation for a lasting relationship. The honeymoon period does eventually end, after all.
15. They take responsibility for their actions.
When misunderstandings occur, you notice that they’re willing to own up to their part. They don’t make excuses or shift blame, and they apologise sincerely when needed. Their accountability shows maturity and respect for you and the potential relationship.
16. You feel cautiously optimistic about the future.
Source: Unsplash While you’re still protective of your heart, you find yourself feeling hopeful about where this could lead. You’re not rushing into anything, but you’re open to the possibilities. A bit of balanced optimism is a healthy approach to a new relationship after being hurt. You’ll get there!
