Not all relationships are built to last, but some would probably stand a pretty good chance if it weren’t for our own silly mistakes.
No one is perfect, of course, but going into a relationship with certain mindsets is bound to create unhappiness and even resentment over time, both in yourself and your partner. Here are a few things that will eventually derail any couple, whether you realise it or not.
1. The illusion of always being right
Being convinced you’re never wrong is a fast track to relationship disaster. It’s hard to grow together when you can’t admit your mistakes or see things from your partner’s perspective. Plus, it’s exhausting for everyone involved. Hold your hands up and admit it when you mess up. It’s really not the end of the world.
2. Scorekeeping in relationships
Relationships aren’t a competition. If you’re constantly tallying up who did what and who owes who, you’re missing the point of being a team. It creates resentment and makes your partner feel like they’re always falling short. Besides, what happens when you’re the one who comes up short?
3. The expectation of mind reading
Assuming your partner should just know what you want or how you feel without you saying it is a recipe for disappointment. You’re an adult and have a voice, so use it. Expecting mind-reading abilities from your partner is unfair and unrealistic. If you want or need something, say it.
4. Avoiding confrontation or conflict at all costs
While constant arguing isn’t healthy, neither is sweeping issues under the rug. Avoiding disagreements might seem peaceful, but it can lead to unresolved problems festering beneath the surface. Sometimes, a good, honest discussion is necessary for growth. You’ll feel much better once you clear the air.
5. Putting correctness over kindness
If winning arguments is more important to you than your partner’s feelings, you might want to rethink your priorities. Relationships thrive on kindness and understanding, not on proving your point at all costs. Sometimes you have to be willing to just let things go, “correct” or not.
6. The comparison trap
Every relationship is unique, and constantly comparing yours to other people’s (especially the ones you see in those curated social media posts) is a guaranteed way to make both of you miserable. Focus on what works for you and your partner, not what looks good on Instagram.
7. Holding grudges
Forgiveness is a necessary part of any healthy relationship (at least one you don’t want to end). If you’re still bringing up that thing your partner did wrong three years ago, you’re not giving your relationship room to grow and heal. Let bygones be bygones and move on.
8. The completion fallacy
Thinking your partner should fill all the gaps in your life puts an enormous amount of pressure on them. It’s important to be a whole person on your own and see your partner as a complement to your life, not your entire reason for being. You should be whole all on your own before even getting into a relationship.
9. Ignoring boundaries
Boundaries are non-negotiable in any relationship. If you consistently ignore or push against your partner’s, you’re showing a lack of respect for their needs and individuality. This can quickly destroy trust and intimacy. It shouldn’t be hard to respect your partner’s limits. If it is, you have a problem.
10. The blame game
Constantly pointing fingers and blaming your partner for everything that goes wrong is toxic behaviour. It creates a negative atmosphere and prevents you from taking responsibility for your own actions and growth. Sometimes it doesn’t matter whose fault something is, it just matters how you’re going to fix the problem.
11. Refusal to compromise
Relationships involve give and take. If you’re always insisting on having things your way, you’re not being a team player. Compromise doesn’t mean losing; it means finding solutions that work for both of you. If you don’t want to meet someone halfway, you should probably be on your own.
12. Taking partners for granted
It’s easy to fall into routines and forget to appreciate your partner, but taking them for granted can make them feel undervalued and unimportant. Remember to show gratitude for the big and small things they do. Everyone likes feeling appreciated, after all.
13. Having grass is greener syndrome
If you’re constantly wondering if there’s someone better out there, you’re not fully invested in your current relationship. You’ll never appreciate or nurture what you have if you always have one foot out the door. Either commit to the person in front of you, or be kind enough to let them go.
14. The myth of effortless love
While love itself might come naturally, maintaining a healthy relationship takes work. If you think everything should always be easy and effortless, you might not be prepared to put in the necessary effort when tough times crop up.
15. Deprioritising the relationship
Yes, work, hobbies, and friends are important. But if your relationship consistently comes last in your list of priorities, it’s bound to suffer. Healthy relationships need time, attention, and care to thrive. No matter how busy you are, make sure your partner knows they matter to you.
16. Fear of vulnerability
Opening up and showing your true self can be scary, but it’s a must for deep connection. If you’re always keeping your guard up, you’re preventing your partner from truly knowing and understanding you. Trust them to see the darkest parts of you and love you despite them.
17. The change agenda
Entering a relationship with the expectation that you can mould your partner into your ideal version of them is unfair and unrealistic. Love should be about accepting your partner for who they are, not who you want them to be. If you’re looking for a “project”, you’re doing it wrong.
18. Emotional bottling
Keeping your emotions locked away might seem easier in the short term, but it can lead to explosive outbursts or deep resentment over time. Sharing your feelings openly and honestly is vital for emotional intimacy.
19. Defensive posturing
If your first reaction to any criticism or feedback is to get defensive, you’re shutting down opportunities for growth and understanding. Try to listen and consider your partner’s perspective before reacting. You should at least be open to what they have to say, even if you don’t ultimately agree with it.
20. Forgetting the fun factor
Life can get serious, but don’t forget to laugh and enjoy each other’s company. If you’re always focused on problems or responsibilities, you might be missing out on the fun and playfulness that can keep your relationship strong and vibrant.
