While you’re obviously not going to be going for candlelit dinners or making grand gestures on a daily basis in your relationship, romance should still be alive and well throughout the time you’re together. However, there are certain habits we tend to get into that destroy any semblance of romance, and once it’s gone, getting it back is all but impossible. Here are some of the worst offences to be aware of and avoid for the sake of your partnership.
1. Taking your phone to bed every single night
Scrolling through social media or checking emails whilst your partner lies next to you sends a clear message that your device is more interesting than they are.
Create a charging station outside the bedroom and use an actual alarm clock instead of your phone. Those last few minutes before sleep should be for connection, conversation, or simply enjoying each other’s presence without digital distractions competing for your attention.
2. Stopping all physical affection outside the bedroom
Many couples limit touch to sexual encounters and miss countless opportunities for casual intimacy that keeps romance alive throughout daily life.
Bring back spontaneous hugs whilst cooking, hand-holding during TV shows, quick kisses when passing in hallways, and gentle touches during conversations. These small moments of connection build intimacy that makes your relationship feel special rather than purely functional.
3. Treating date nights like obligatory chores
Going through the motions of scheduled romance without genuine enthusiasm or effort creates hollow experiences that feel more like relationship maintenance than actual connection.
Plan activities that genuinely excite both of you instead of just defaulting to dinner and a movie every time. Try new restaurants, take classes together, explore different neighbourhoods, or create themed evenings at home that require creativity and collaboration.
4. Never expressing genuine appreciation anymore
Couples often stop acknowledging the daily efforts their partners make and begin taking thoughtful gestures for granted instead of recognising them as expressions of love.
Make specific appreciation a daily habit by mentioning particular things your partner did that made your day better. Thank them for making coffee, acknowledge their work around the house, or express gratitude for their emotional support during stressful times.
5. Letting yourself go completely without consideration
Whilst comfort is important in relationships, completely abandoning all effort to be attractive to your partner can signal that you no longer value their opinion or desire.
Maintain basic self-care and occasionally dress up for each other, not to meet impossible standards, but to show you still want to be appealing to them. Small efforts like wearing something they complimented or trying a new fragrance demonstrate ongoing care.
6. Having the same conversations on repeat
Discussing only logistics, schedules, and daily necessities creates a housemate dynamic rather than a romantic partnership because deeper connection requires varied and meaningful dialogue.
Introduce new conversation topics by asking about dreams, fears, memories, or hypothetical scenarios. Share articles that sparked your interest, discuss books or documentaries, or talk about places you’d like to visit together to keep your mental connection fresh.
7. Criticising more than you compliment
Negative comments about your partner’s habits, appearance, or choices gradually poison the atmosphere and make them feel unloved, not supported and accepted.
Aim for a ratio of at least five positive comments for every critique you offer. Focus on specific behaviours; don’t just launch into non-stop character attacks. Also, make sure you always balance feedback with reassurance about what you love about them as a person.
8. Never being fully present during conversations
Half-listening whilst doing other activities or thinking about your next response prevents genuine connection and makes your partner feel unimportant and unheard.
Practice active listening by putting down whatever you’re doing, making eye contact, and asking follow-up questions that show you’re engaged. Repeat back what they’ve shared to confirm understanding and demonstrate that their thoughts matter to you.
9. Avoiding eye contact during intimate moments
Looking away during conversations, physical intimacy, or emotional sharing creates distance and prevents the deep connection that comes from truly seeing and being seen by your partner.
Make a conscious effort to maintain eye contact during important conversations and intimate moments. This vulnerability strengthens bonds and creates the kind of connection that makes relationships feel special rather than casual or distant.
10. Scheduling everything except time for each other
Filling every moment with work, social obligations, or individual activities leaves no space for the spontaneous connection and quality time that romance requires to flourish.
Protect unscheduled time together by saying no to some invitations and commitments. Create pockets of time when you can be spontaneous, have unexpected conversations, or simply enjoy each other’s company without rushing to the next obligation.
11. Treating your partner like a mind reader
Expecting them to know what you want, need, or feel without clear communication creates frustration and resentment that slowly destroys romantic feelings and connection.
Practise direct, kind communication about your needs and desires, as it’s unfair to just assume they’ll figure it out. Share your feelings openly and ask specific questions about what they need from you. Don’t just make unfair assumptions about their wants.
12. Never surprising each other anymore
Predictable routines without any element of surprise or thoughtfulness make relationships feel stale and reduce the excitement that keeps romantic feelings alive over time.
Plan small, unexpected gestures like bringing home their favourite treat, leaving sweet notes, or suggesting spontaneous activities. The surprise doesn’t need to be expensive or elaborate, just thoughtful enough to show you were thinking of them.
13. Competing instead of collaborating
Turning conversations into contests about who works harder, suffers more, or deserves more sympathy creates adversarial dynamics that destroy romantic partnership and mutual support.
Approach challenges as a team by using “we” language and focusing on solutions. It’s not a competition for who has it worse, after all. Celebrate each other’s successes and support each other through tough times instead of competing for attention or sympathy.
14. Saving affection only for when you want something
Being sweet or romantic only when you need a favour teaches your partner that your affection is transactional, not genuine, which kills trust and spontaneous connection.
Express love and appreciation regularly without expecting anything in return. Give compliments, offer help, and show affection simply because you care, not because you’re trying to butter them up for future requests or needs.
15. Bringing up past arguments during current disagreements
Dragging previous conflicts into new discussions prevents resolution and creates ongoing resentment that makes your partner feel like they can never truly move forward or earn forgiveness.
Focus on current issues without referencing past problems that have supposedly been resolved. If previous conflicts are truly relevant, address them separately. Never use them as ammunition during unrelated disagreements or conversations.
16. Assuming romance should happen naturally without effort
Believing that love alone will maintain romantic feelings without intentional actions and choices leads to complacency that gradually drains the spark from even the strongest relationships.
Treat romance as a skill that requires ongoing practice and attention, especially since it’s really not something that should flow effortlessly. Make conscious decisions to prioritise romantic connection and view relationship maintenance as an investment rather than a burden or obligation.
