Getting over someone you care about is never easy, even if you know it was for the best.
It’s one of those things where you feel like you’ve finally got your head above water on a Tuesday, only to find yourself back in the depths by Wednesday morning because you saw a specific brand of biscuits in the supermarket. Your emotions are all over the place, and it’s completely normal to feel like you’re taking one step forward and about 20 steps back. It’s a total drain on your system, but the good news is that this isn’t your new permanent state.
You’re not going to be stuck in this rut forever, and eventually, you’ll reach a point where you can think about them without that heavy feeling in your chest. It takes a lot of mental graft to move on, but you’ll come out the other side a lot more resilient than you were before the whole thing kicked off. When the days feel particularly long, and you’re struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel, there are some important reminders you should keep in your back pocket. These aren’t just empty platitudes; they’re the solid truths that’ll help you navigate the mess and get your life back on track.
1. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused.
Don’t try to be a hero and bottle up everything you’re feeling just to look like you’re “winning” the breakup. If you’re fuming one minute and ready to cry the next, that’s just your brain trying to process the fact that your life has changed. Allow yourself the space to actually grieve the loss of that connection instead of pretending you’re a robot.
Whether you need to have a moan to a friend, write a load of nonsense in a journal, or just spend a Saturday morning under the duvet, acknowledging that things are rubbish right now is a massive part of the healing process.
2. This pain is temporary, and it will get better with time.
Source: Unsplash Heartbreak has a nasty habit of making you feel like the world has stopped turning, but it’s important to remember that this isn’t your “forever.” In the heat of the moment, the ache feels all-consuming, but that intensity will eventually start to fade into the background.
Time is a remarkably effective healer, even if it feels like it’s moving at a snail’s pace right now. Trust that you’re going to emerge from this experience with a much better understanding of yourself. One day soon, you’ll realize you’ve gone a whole afternoon without thinking about them, and that’s a massive win.
3. You deserve someone who chooses you wholeheartedly.
Source: Unsplash If the relationship hit the buffers because the other person wasn’t fully committed or didn’t see your worth, you need to remind yourself of a basic truth: you deserve someone who doesn’t have to be convinced to be with you. There’s no point in pining for someone who was only halfway in, or who made you feel like you were a bit of a burden.
Don’t settle for a love that’s lukewarm or one-sided when you could have someone who chooses you without a single hesitation. You’re worth a lot more than being someone’s “maybe” or a backup plan for when they’re bored.
4. Focus on self-care and rediscover your own happiness.
Now is the time to put yourself at the very top of your priority list without feeling a single shred of guilt about it. When you’re in a relationship, you often end up compromising on what you want to do or where you want to go, so take this chance to lean into the things that make you happy.
Whether it’s hitting the gym, finally watching that series they hated, or just spending more time with your family, focus on your own well-being. Rediscovering what makes you tick as an individual is a vital step in moving forward and realizing that you’re a complete person all on your own.
5. Don’t dwell on the past or what could have been.
It’s incredibly easy to fall into the trap of replaying every argument or imagining a perfect “what if” scenario where everything worked out. However, dwelling on a version of the past that didn’t actually happen is just a way of prolonging your own misery.
The relationship ended for a reason, even if that reason is hard to swallow right now. Instead of trying to rewrite the script in your head, try to stay grounded in the present moment. Focus on the reality of where you are now and the possibilities that are waiting for you, rather than getting stuck in a loop of nostalgia.
6. Surround yourself with supportive people who uplift you.
Lean on your inner circle during this time because that’s exactly what they’re there for. Your mates and your family are the ones who are going to remind you who you are when you’ve lost your way a bit. Don’t be afraid to share how you’re really doing or ask for a bit of advice when the thoughts get too loud.
Having people around who genuinely care about you can make a world of difference when it comes to keeping your chin up. Their support and the odd distraction or night out can be the perfect antidote to the loneliness that often follows a split.
7. Avoid comparing yourself to other people or their relationships.
Social media is a total disaster zone when you’re trying to move on from someone. It’s far too easy to see your ex or even total strangers looking like they’re having the time of their lives and feel like you’re the only one struggling. Remember that what you see online is just a highlight reel, usually filtered to within an inch of its life to look perfect.
Everyone’s journey is different, and comparing your “behind-the-scenes” mess to someone else’s “best-bits” is a recipe for disaster. Put the phone down and focus on your own progress instead of worrying about everyone else’s.
8. Celebrate your own strengths and accomplishments.
Heartbreak has a way of making you feel a bit rubbish about yourself, so you’ve got to be your own biggest fan for a while. Take a minute to actually look at what you’ve achieved, the skills you’ve got, and the person you’ve become. Celebrate your individuality and all the qualities that make you a great person to be around.
You haven’t lost your value just because a relationship didn’t work out. Reminding yourself of your own worth is essential for rebuilding your confidence and realizing that you’ve got a hell of a lot to offer the world, with or without a partner.
9. Embrace the freedom to create a new chapter in your life.
The end of a relationship is undeniably sad, but it also clears the decks for something completely new. You’ve suddenly got a lot more room in your life to explore your own passions, set some fresh goals, and decide exactly who you want to be. Embrace this newfound freedom to create a life that actually reflects your own values and interests.
You can move things around, change your routine, or even move to a new city if that’s what you fancy. This is your chance to start a new chapter where you’re the lead character, and you get to call all the shots.
10. Learn from the experience and grow stronger.
Even the relationships that end in a total mess have something to teach us about ourselves. Take some time to reflect on what you’ve learned—about your boundaries, what you need from a partner, and how you handle conflict. Use those insights as a bit of a roadmap for the future so you can build even healthier and happier connections next time around.
Every experience, even the painful ones, adds a bit of depth to your character. You’re becoming a wiser, more seasoned version of yourself, and that’s something that no one can take away from you.
11. Practise self-compassion and be patient with yourself.
Healing isn’t a straight line; it’s more like a series of hills and valleys. You’re going to have days when you feel like you’ve cracked it and other days when you’re right back at square one, and that’s perfectly fine. Be kind to yourself on the bad days instead of getting frustrated that you aren’t “over it” yet.
Acknowledge the progress you’ve made, however small it might seem, and don’t be afraid to ask for a bit of professional help if you’re finding the weight of it all a bit much. You’re doing the best you can with a difficult situation, so give yourself a bit of a break.
12. Focus on building healthy habits and routines.
When your emotional life is a bit of a circus, having a solid routine can be a total lifesaver. Getting enough sleep, eating something that didn’t come out of a microwave, and moving your body a bit can have a massive impact on your mood. These basic habits provide a bit of stability and a sense of control when everything else feels like it’s up in the air.
You don’t have to become a fitness fanatic overnight, but just having a regular schedule for your day can help stop you from spiralling. Taking care of the basics makes the big emotional stuff a lot easier to handle.
13. Rediscover old passions or try something completely new.
Use this period of transition to reconnect with the hobbies you might have let slide while you were busy being part of a couple. Whether it’s picking up a guitar again, joining a local football team, or trying something completely random like pottery, getting stuck into a new activity is a brilliant distraction.
It’s also a great way to meet new people who don’t know anything about your ex and just see you for who you are right now. Challenging yourself to learn something new builds your confidence and reminds you that there’s a massive world out there waiting to be explored.
14. Trust that you will find love again when the time is right.
It might feel impossible to imagine right now, but your heart isn’t permanently closed for business. When you’ve done the work, and you’ve reached a place of peace on your own, you’ll find that you’re ready to open up to new possibilities again. Trust that the right person will come into your life at a time when you’re actually ready to receive them.
You don’t need to rush out and find a replacement; just focus on being the best version of yourself. When the time is right, you’ll find a connection that’s even better because you’ll be coming at it from a place of strength and self-respect.
