Given what a high percentage of marriages end in divorce these days, making one last is a real accomplishment.
However, despite what you might think, it doesn’t take any special knowledge or grand gestures all the time (though they’re always nice). Instead, you just have to master a few important skills that will keep your connection with your partner strong — so much so that as a couple, you become unbreakable.
1. Learn to fight fairly.
Source: Unsplash The most resilient couples aren’t the ones who never fight — they’re the ones who know how to fight productively. That means no name-calling, no bringing up past issues, and definitely no silent treatment. Instead, successful couples focus on the current issue, use “I feel” statements, and remember they’re on the same team even when they disagree. Think of it as having different play styles but still working toward the same goal: a stronger relationship.
2. Master the art of active listening.
This goes beyond just hearing words — it’s about truly understanding your partner’s perspective. Put down the phone, make eye contact, and respond thoughtfully instead of just waiting for your turn to speak. Good listeners don’t just absorb information; they ask clarifying questions and reflect back what they’ve heard. You get to be your partner’s personal translator, making sure you understand their emotional language.
3. Cultivate financial transparency.
Money talks shouldn’t be taboo in marriage. Successful couples discuss their finances openly, plan together, and make major financial decisions as a team. Whether you’re deciding on a new car or planning retirement, both partners should understand where the money goes and have equal say in financial choices. Regular money check-ins keep both partners informed and prevent financial surprises.
4. Maintain independence while growing together.
The strongest marriages aren’t about two people becoming one — they’re about two individuals choosing to build a life together while maintaining their unique identities. Keep pursuing your own interests, maintain separate friendships, and support each other’s personal growth. Think of it like a garden where two different plants thrive side by side, each needing their own space to grow.
5. Practice everyday thoughtfulness.
Grand romantic gestures are great, but it’s the small daily acts of kindness that really make a marriage last. Make their coffee just how they like it, send a random text just to say you’re thinking of them, or take care of a chore they usually handle. These tiny moments of consideration show your partner they’re valued and remembered throughout the day.
6. Learn their love language and speak it fluently.
Everyone expresses and receives love differently. Some need words of affirmation, others physical touch, acts of service, quality time, or gifts. Understanding and actively showing love in your partner’s preferred language makes them feel truly appreciated. Just because you feel loved through hugs doesn’t mean that’s what fills their emotional tank — learn what works for them and make it a daily practice.
7. Embrace growth and change together.
People change over time, and successful marriages adapt to these changes. Stay curious about who your partner is becoming, and be open to evolving together. Regular check-ins about goals, dreams, and values help keep both partners aligned even as they grow. Think of your marriage as a living thing that needs to adapt and evolve to stay healthy.
8. Maintain physical intimacy.
This isn’t just about sex — it’s about maintaining physical connection through affection, touch, and intimacy. Hold hands while walking, share a morning hug, or simply sit close while watching TV. Physical closeness releases bonding hormones that help maintain your emotional connection. Remember that intimacy needs to change over time, and that’s perfectly normal.
9. Share the mental load equally.
Long-lasting marriages divide both visible and invisible work fairly. This means sharing not just household chores, but also the mental load of running a home and family. Both partners should know the kids’ schedules, when bills are due, and what needs restocking in the pantry. It’s about being true life partners, not just roommates who love each other.
10. Keep your sense of humour.
Life throws curveballs, and being able to laugh together makes them easier to handle. Don’t take yourselves too seriously — find humour in daily mishaps, develop inside jokes, and maintain your playful side. Couples who can laugh together, especially during tough times, build resilience that carries them through challenges.
11. Master the art of forgiveness.
Nobody’s perfect, and holding grudges only poisons your relationship. Learn to forgive the small stuff quickly and work through bigger issues with compassion. This doesn’t mean forgetting or allowing bad behaviour, but rather choosing to move forward constructively. Think of forgiveness as regular relationship maintenance, keeping resentment from building up.
12. Make quality time a priority, no matter how busy you are.
In our busy world, intentional time together matters more than ever. Schedule regular date nights, find shared hobbies, or simply create daily rituals like having your morning coffee together. Quality time doesn’t always mean grand adventures — sometimes it’s just about being fully present with each other without distractions.
13. Keep expectations realistic.
Lasting marriages aren’t perfect — they’re real. Your partner won’t always say the right thing, read your mind, or be the person you need them to be 100% of the time. Accept that both you and your marriage will have good days and bad days. It’s about choosing each other every day, imperfections and all.
14. Build a support system.
Strong marriages don’t exist in isolation. Maintain relationships with friends and family who support your marriage, ask for a bit of help or advice when needed, and don’t be afraid to be honest about how you’re feeling and what you’re going through. Having a community around your marriage provides perspective, support, and examples of what healthy relationships look like.
15. Practice gratitude daily.
Notice and express appreciation for both big and small things your partner does. Regular expressions of gratitude prevent taking each other for granted and maintain a positive perspective in your relationship. Make it a habit to share at least one specific thing you’re grateful for about your partner each day.
16. Maintain mutual respect.
Respect is the foundation that keeps love strong through challenges. This means speaking kindly about each other (even when they’re not around), honouring boundaries, and treating each other as equals. Never let familiarity eat away at the basic courtesy and consideration that drew you together in the first place.
