When your teen or adult child comes to you with relationship problems, it’s natural to want to offer advice or fix things for them.
However, some comments, even if well-intentioned, can do more harm than good. Here are 16 things to avoid saying when your kid is dealing with relationship troubles. If you get it wrong, you might find they never come back to you for advice or comfort again.
1. “I never liked them anyway.”
Even if you’ve always had reservations about their partner, saying this while they’re upset won’t help. It can make your child feel judged or like their choices are being invalidated. They need support, not someone adding fuel to the fire.
2. “You’ll find someone better.”
This might sound reassuring, but it can dismiss the emotions they’re feeling in the moment. Telling them to move on too quickly minimises their pain and can make them feel like their current relationship isn’t worth grieving. Let them process before pushing them toward the future.
3. “I told you this would happen.”
Bringing up past warnings or advice can feel like an “I told you so,” which is the last thing they need. It shifts the focus to you rather than their feelings, making them feel unsupported. Avoid pointing out their mistakes and focus on helping them move forward.
4. “Why are you still with them?”
While it’s natural to question why your child might stay in a difficult relationship, saying this can sound judgmental. Relationships are complicated, and they may not be ready to let go. Instead, ask open-ended questions that help them reflect without feeling pressured.
5. “You should just break up.”
Pushing for a breakup without understanding the full picture can feel dismissive. Your child might still be trying to work things out, and this comment can make them feel like their efforts don’t matter. Offer support instead of ultimatums.
6. “You’re too young to be this upset.”
Minimising their feelings based on their age can make them feel invalidated. Just because they’re young doesn’t mean their emotions aren’t real or important. Acknowledge their pain without attaching it to their stage in life.
7. “You need to toughen up.”
Encouraging resilience is one thing, but telling your child to “toughen up” can dismiss their emotions entirely. It might make them feel like they’re being weak for expressing their hurt. Instead, validate their feelings and remind them that it’s okay to feel vulnerable.
8. “Relationships aren’t supposed to be easy.”
While relationships do require effort, saying this can sound like you’re downplaying their struggles or encouraging them to settle for a situation that’s making them unhappy. They need to hear that healthy relationships are about mutual respect and care, not constant struggle.
9. “You’re probably overthinking it.”
This phrase can make your child feel like their concerns are being brushed aside. Even if they are overanalysing, they need to feel heard and supported. Instead of dismissing their thoughts, help them work through what’s on their mind.
10. “Everyone goes through this.”
Comparing their situation to a universal experience can make them feel like their unique struggles don’t matter. While it’s true that most people face relationship troubles, your child needs to feel like their specific emotions are valid and worth addressing.
11. “You should focus on more important things.”
Suggesting that their relationship problems aren’t as important as school, work, or other responsibilities can make them feel dismissed. While balance is important, they need to feel like their emotional well-being matters too. Support their feelings before shifting focus.
12. “You’re too good for them.”
While this might seem like a compliment, it can come across as an insult to your child’s judgment. They might feel defensive or like you’re not respecting their choices. Instead, focus on helping them recognise their own worth without tearing down their partner.
13. “You’ll laugh about this one day.”
Although this might be true eventually, it’s not helpful when they’re in the middle of their pain. It can make them feel like you’re brushing off their feelings rather than taking them seriously. They need someone to validate their experience, not rush them to move past it.
14. “This wouldn’t happen if you listened to me.”
Pointing out that they ignored your advice doesn’t help and can create distance between you. It shifts the focus away from their needs and puts unnecessary blame on them. Be a source of comfort, not criticism, during tough times.
15. “I’ve been through worse.”
Sharing your experiences can sometimes be helpful, but framing them as “worse” than your child’s struggles can feel dismissive. It’s not a competition, and their pain is real to them. Instead, offer empathy and let them share their story without comparison.
16. “You’ll regret wasting time on this.”
This comment can make your child feel like their relationship was meaningless or a mistake. While they might learn lessons from it, they need space to process and find value in their own way. Let them come to their conclusions without pressure.
