These days, it seems like basic human decency is sorely lacking in society, and we’re a lot worse off for it.
Everyone likes to think they’re decent, but whether or not comes down to how you treat people and how you operate in the world in general. No, performative kindness or posting quotes about empathy don’t count. It’s the stuff that happens in everyday moments, when no one’s watching and no one’s clapping. That’s where real decency shows up, and if you want to consider yourself someone with that trait, these are the kinds of things that need to be part of how you live, not just what you say.
1. You admit when you’ve messed up.
There’s nothing decent about pretending you’re never wrong. A decent person can say, “That was on me,” without throwing in a bunch of excuses or guilt-tripping the other person for being upset. They don’t need to pretend they’re perfect, nor do they pass the blame when they’ve clearly dropped the ball.
People respect that kind of honesty way more than someone who always tries to save face. Owning your mistakes shows you’re trying to grow, not just manage your image. That’s way more valuable than a polished apology with no real self-awareness behind it.
2. You’re not a nightmare to service workers.
If you’re rude to people in shops, cafés, hospitals, or anywhere someone’s just doing their job, you’ve lost the plot. It’s one of the easiest ways to see if someone’s genuinely decent or just pretending to be. No one needs your attitude just because you’re having a bad day.
Decency shows up in eye contact, in saying thank you, in not acting like people are beneath you. If you can’t manage that, it doesn’t matter how nice you are to your mates. Being decent means you’re not selectively respectful. In fact, you just treat people well, full stop.
3. You don’t mask cruelty as honesty.
“I’m just being honest” is one of the laziest excuses for being mean. Being a decent person doesn’t mean you avoid the truth, but you know how to say it without being a jerk. If you’re leaving people feeling worse just so you can feel superior, that’s not honesty, it’s ego. There’s a way to be straight with someone without tearing them down. Kindness and truth aren’t opposites. A decent person finds the line between saying what’s real and still being someone people feel safe around.
4. You don’t sit there while someone’s getting treated badly.
You don’t have to be loud to have a backbone. Decent people don’t laugh along when someone’s getting insulted or mistreated, even if it would be easier to stay quiet. Sometimes it’s a look, a question, or a quiet pull aside, but they do something. There’s no drama involved, but they’re not comfortable being someone who stands by while stuff gets ugly. Doing nothing doesn’t make you neutral. It just makes it easier for the bad behaviour to carry on unchecked. And decent people get that.
5. You apologise properly.
Saying “I’m sorry you felt that way” doesn’t count. That’s just avoiding responsibility. A proper apology owns what you did, not just how the other person reacted. It doesn’t come with, “But I was just…” or, “You have to understand…” tagged on the end. When someone can apologise without making it about themselves, it hits differently. It shows you actually care about what happened, not just about moving on quickly. That’s what makes it genuine.
6. You let people have their boundaries.
You don’t have to fully get someone’s limits to respect them. If they need space, say no to something, or just aren’t up for talking about something, you don’t need a full explanation to back off. Decent people don’t push past someone’s “no.” Even if it feels personal, it usually isn’t. And even if it is, respecting someone’s boundary shows more about your character than theirs. You don’t have to agree; you just need to honour it.
7. You don’t assume the worst right away.
We all mess up sometimes, and decent people give everyone around them a bit of breathing room before writing them off. They check in, ask questions, and don’t jump straight into resentment mode. They’re not naive; they just know that context matters. Of course, that doesn’t mean letting people off the hook all the time. If you’re decent, though, you at least leave room for the possibility that it was a mistake, not malice. It makes relationships healthier and way less tense.
8. You actually listen to people.
Not “listen so you can jump in with your take.” Not “half-listen while scrolling, either”—proper listening. Decent people know how to give someone space to speak without rushing to fix them or make it about themselves. Most people don’t want a solution. Really, they just want to feel heard. When you actually let them finish their sentence and take it in, that’s rare, and weirdly powerful. It makes people feel respected in a way that sticks.
9. You keep people’s trust.
If someone opens up to you or shares something personal, it stays with you. You don’t use it for gossip or make it a casual story to drop into conversation. Decent people understand trust isn’t a toy; it’s something you protect. That also means following through on what you say you’ll do. Showing up when you said you would. Doing the thing even if it’s annoying. Reliability might not be flashy, but it builds the kind of trust that lasts.
10. You don’t treat personal growth like an excuse.
Working on yourself doesn’t give you a free pass to treat other people badly in the meantime. “I’m healing” shouldn’t leave a trail of damaged relationships. Decent people know growth includes accountability, not just reflection. It’s okay to be messy while you figure things out. However, if people around you are getting hurt, it’s time to pause and take a proper look at your impact. Rather than being hard on yourself, it’s taking personal responsibility.
11. You help without making it about you.
If you’re helping someone, help. Don’t make it a production or a way to look good. Decent people don’t need to be the centre of the story. They’re just there, getting on with it. No drama, no Instagram captions. This is the kind of decency that happens when no one’s clapping. Checking in. Offering a lift. Being there when it’s boring or inconvenient. That’s the kind of stuff that really matters, and it usually goes unnoticed. Which is exactly the point.
12. You grow, even when it’s awkward.
Being decent doesn’t mean you’ve always had it all figured out. It means you’re willing to shift when you learn better. You don’t dig in your heels or defend your past views just to save face. You let yourself change. It might mean admitting you were wrong, or letting go of a belief that once made you feel safe. Either way, growth takes a bit of guts. But it also makes you someone people can trust to keep evolving, not someone stuck in self-righteousness.
13. You don’t need a round of applause for basic humanity.
Holding the door open. Being kind. Showing up when someone’s struggling. You don’t need to broadcast it to feel good about it. Decent people don’t keep a scoreboard. They just live by values that matter to them, even when no one’s watching. You’re not trying to look like a good person; you’re trying to be one. That shows up in the little, consistent things. No big performance. Just decency, done daily.
