Supporting someone struggling with depression can be a delicate balancing act.
While you want to offer comfort and encouragement, it’s easy to accidentally say something that might make them feel worse. Here are some words you’re better off avoiding when talking to someone who’s feeling down, as well as some more supportive alternatives.
1. “Just snap out of it.”
Depression isn’t a switch that can be flipped on and off. It’s a complex mental health condition that requires understanding and support, not dismissal. Instead, try saying, “I know it’s hard, but I’m here for you, no matter what.”
2. “Cheer up!”
Telling someone to “cheer up” is like telling someone with a broken leg to “walk it off.” It invalidates their feelings and minimises their experience. A better approach would be, “I’m here to listen if you want to talk about how you’re feeling.”
3. “You have so much to be grateful for.”
While gratitude can be helpful, focusing on what someone should be grateful for can feel dismissive. Depression often makes it difficult to see the positives. Instead, try, “It’s okay to not feel okay right now. I’m here for you through the tough times.”
4. “Everyone feels down sometimes.”
While everyone experiences sadness, depression is a different beast altogether. Comparing it to everyday blues diminishes the severity of what someone’s going through. Try saying, “I know this is more than just feeling down. I want to understand what you’re experiencing.”
5. “Have you tried yoga/meditation/positive thinking?”
While these practices can be helpful for some, they’re not a cure-all for depression. Suggesting them can come across as simplistic or dismissive. Instead, try, “Would you be open to exploring some different coping strategies together?”
6. “You’re being dramatic.”
Depression isn’t an act. It’s a real illness with debilitating symptoms. Telling someone they’re overreacting invalidates their feelings and destroys trust. Try, “I can see you’re really hurting. I’m here to listen without judgment.”
7. “Why don’t you just get out more?”
Depression often zaps energy and motivation. Suggesting social activities can feel overwhelming and guilt-inducing. Instead, offer gentle support, like, “Would you like to go for a walk with me? We can go at your pace.”
8. “You’ll get over it.”
Depression isn’t a phase someone will simply “get over.” It requires treatment and support. Saying this downplays the seriousness of the condition. A more supportive approach would be, “I’m here to help you find the support you need to feel better.”
9. “It’s all in your head.”
While depression affects thoughts and feelings, it’s also a biological condition with real chemical imbalances in the brain. Saying it’s “all in your head” is dismissive and unhelpful. Instead, try, “I know this isn’t just a mindset issue. Depression is a real illness, and I’m here to support you.”
10. “What do you have to be depressed about?”
Depression doesn’t always have a clear cause. It can strike even when life seems to be going well. Asking this question can make someone feel guilty or ashamed for feeling depressed. A more supportive approach is, “I know there might not be an obvious reason, but I’m here to listen and help you through this.”
11. “Just think positive.”
While positive thinking can be helpful, it’s not a magical cure for depression. Forcing someone to focus on the positive can feel invalidating and overwhelming. Instead, offer a more balanced perspective, like, “It’s okay to have negative thoughts, but let’s try to find some small things to be grateful for each day.”
12. “You’re so strong, you can handle this.”
While acknowledging someone’s strength is positive, it can also put pressure on them to “power through” their depression. Remember, it’s okay to not be okay. Instead, offer a more compassionate message, like, “You don’t have to be strong all the time. I’m here to support you when you need it.”
13. “Don’t worry, things will get better.”
While optimism is important, offering empty platitudes can feel dismissive. It’s better to acknowledge the current struggle while offering hope for the future. Try saying, “I know things feel tough right now, but I believe in you, and I know you can get through this.”
14. “You just need to find a new hobby/job/partner.”
External changes won’t necessarily solve depression. Suggesting these solutions oversimplifies the issue and can make someone feel like they’re not trying hard enough. Instead, focus on support and understanding, saying, “Let’s explore what might help you feel better. Maybe we can try some new things together.”
15. “Have you tried medication?”
While medication can be an effective treatment for depression, it’s not the only option, and it’s not everyone’s choice. Suggesting it can feel like you’re pushing a specific solution. Instead, offer a more open-minded approach, like, “There are many different ways to treat depression. Would you like to explore some options together?”
16. “You’re not alone.”
While this statement is well-intentioned, it can feel hollow and impersonal to someone struggling with depression. Instead of a general statement, share a personal anecdote or offer specific support. Try saying, “I’ve gone through tough times too, and I know how isolating it can feel. I’m here for you, and we can get through this together.”
