When a relationship ends, it’s normal to want closure so you can properly move on — but don’t expect it from a narcissist.
Getting away from a narcissist is traumatic enough, which will likely makes closure even more attractive. How else are you going to process the trauma you undoubtedly went through while they were in your life? However, no matter how much you beg and how much you deserve clarity, here’s why the narcissist will never give it to you.
1. They lack empathy for your feelings.
Narcissists don’t understand other people’s emotions, and they don’t care to. Your need for closure simply doesn’t register as important to them. Their fundamental lack of empathy makes it nearly impossible for them to provide the emotional resolution you’re after.
2. They refuse to take responsibility for their actions.
A key trait of narcissism is the inability to accept blame. They’ll deflect, make excuses, or turn the tables on you rather than admit anything less than perfection. Their refusal to take responsibility means you’re unlikely to get the acknowledgment or apology you need for closure.
3. They thrive on keeping you emotionally invested.
Narcissists often enjoy the power they hold over other people’s feelings. By denying you closure, they keep you attached and potentially coming back for more. This emotional control feeds their need for attention and admiration, and that’s addicting for them.
4. They don’t see the relationship the same way you do.
While you might view the relationship as important, a narcissist may see it as trivial or merely a source of personal gain. The disconnect in perspectives makes it hard for them to understand or care about your need for closure. You weren’t important to them, so they don’t feel like they owe you anything.
5. They rewrite history to suit their narrative.
Narcissists tend to have a distorted view of past events, remembering things in a way that paints them in the best light. Because they rewrite history so often, it makes it nearly impossible to have an honest conversation about what really happened in your relationship.
6. They use silence as a form of control.
Many narcissists use the silent treatment as a manipulation tactic. By withholding communication, they maintain control over the situation and leave you without the answers you’re desperate for. It’s not that they can’t give you closure, they just don’t want to.
7. They lack the capacity for genuine self-reflection.
True closure often requires both people to reflect on their roles in the relationship. Narcissists typically lack the ability or willingness to engage in this kind of introspection, making meaningful closure unlikely. The minute it’s over, they’re on to the next victim, uninterested in giving you a second thought.
8. They prioritise winning over resolving.
For a narcissist, admitting fault or offering closure feels like losing. They’re more concerned with coming out on top than with resolving emotional issues or repairing relationships. By not giving you closure, they come out on top (at least in their own heads).
9. They don’t value your mental or emotional health.
Your emotional needs are simply not a priority for a narcissist. They’re focused on their own desires and comfort, which means they’re pretty unlikely to engage in the potentially uncomfortable process of providing closure.
10. They may enjoy your continued suffering.
Some narcissists derive satisfaction from knowing people are hurt or confused by their actions. Denying closure keeps you in this state of emotional turmoil, which can be gratifying for them. It sounds sick, but that’s just the kind of person they are.
11. They’re afraid of vulnerability.
Providing genuine closure often requires a level of emotional vulnerability that narcissists are uncomfortable with. They’d rather avoid these feelings than engage in an honest, open conversation about the relationship.
12. They don’t see the need for closure.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often fail to understand why closure is important. From their perspective, if they’re done with the relationship, everyone else should be too. Their complete lack of insight makes them unlikely to engage in closure-seeking conversations.
13. They use ambiguity to keep you hooked.
Source: Unsplash By leaving things unresolved, narcissists keep the door open for future interactions on their terms. This ambiguity allows them to potentially reel you back in when it suits them, without having to address what’s happened in the past. They haven’t decided if they’re ready to discard you yet, so for now, they’ll keep you on the hook.
14. They lack the emotional depth for meaningful conversations.
Source: Unsplash Closure often requires deep, emotionally intelligent discussions. Many narcissists lack the emotional depth or communication skills necessary for these types of conversations, making true closure unlikely.
15. They see your need for closure as a weakness.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often view emotional needs as signs of weakness. Your desire for closure might be seen as pathetic or needy in their eyes, making them even less likely to engage in the process. Why should they stoop to your level?
16. They’ve already moved on to their next source of supply.
Source: Unsplash Once a narcissist has decided to end a relationship, they often quickly move on to their next source of attention or admiration. They may have little interest in revisiting the past relationship or providing closure when they’re focused on their new pursuits.
