Respect is a vital part of any relationship, and it goes both ways — without it, your partnership just can’t last.
If your wife isn’t showing you the respect you deserve, it’s important to address it quickly so that the issue can either be resolved or you can consider whether the marriage is worth continuing. Here’s how to confront her without losing your cool or being accusatory (neither of which are likely to get you the results you’re hoping for).
1. Take a step back and figure out what respect means to you both.
Respect isn’t a one-size-fits-all thing. Have you both sat down and talked about what respect looks like to each of you? Maybe what feels disrespectful to you doesn’t even register on her radar. By getting clear on expectations, you’ll have a solid foundation to start working from. A heart-to-heart about what you both value can really help set the tone.
2. Check if you’re holding your ground on the small things.
Disrespect doesn’t always come in huge, obvious waves. Sometimes, it’s the small stuff—like rolling eyes or dismissive comments—that chip away at your confidence. Are you letting these things slide, thinking they don’t matter? If you’re constantly brushing off the little things, that could be where the respect lines start to blur. These moments can build up, so addressing them can go a long way.
3. Be direct, not dramatic.
You don’t need a big, blow-out fight to bring up feeling disrespected. The simpler, the better. A calm, straightforward “Hey, I felt disrespected when you said/did this,” can actually be more effective than raising your voice. When you skip the drama, you’re more likely to get a constructive response instead of defensiveness.
4. Remember, silence can speak volumes.
If talking isn’t getting the point across, try pulling back a bit. You don’t need to fill every silence with an explanation. Let her have the space to reflect on what’s happening. Silence can give both of you time to think, and sometimes it speaks louder than words.
5. Show her the version of you that demands respect.
Respect starts with how you treat yourself. Are you living in a way that shows you respect yourself? People pick up on that energy, and if you start holding yourself with more self-respect, it’ll likely shift how she treats you, too. Walk the walk—people tend to mirror the behaviour they see.
6. Ask yourself if this is a pattern or a one-off.
Everyone has bad days, but if the disrespect feels constant, that’s a whole other thing. Before diving in, think: is this something that happens regularly, or are you holding on to one isolated incident? Understanding if it’s a pattern or just a blip will help you approach the situation with the right perspective.
7. Change the vibe with a curveball.
If you keep having the same arguments and getting nowhere, shake things up. Sometimes, just changing the environment—like going for a walk or grabbing a coffee somewhere neutral—can make those tough conversations feel less like a confrontation and more like problem-solving together. It helps to take the tension out of the room.
8. Don’t be afraid to get real about your needs.
Maybe it’s not just about respect—it could be about unmet needs. If you’re feeling a certain way, don’t just expect her to know why. Be upfront about what you need from her. A little vulnerability goes a long way, and it opens up a space for real communication. If she knows what’s missing, she’s more likely to understand and adjust.
9. Check if there’s respect when the heat dies down.
How she acts when the heat dies down says a lot. Does she come back to apologise, or at least show some reflection? If she respects you, that respect will often show after the dust settles. Pay attention to those moments—they can tell you whether she’s in this with you or not.
10. Flip the script—how are you showing respect?
It’s easy to point out what you’re not getting, but it’s worth asking: are you giving her the respect you expect in return? Relationships are a two-way street. Take a moment to reflect on your own actions. Respect isn’t just something you demand—it’s something you build together.
11. Be curious instead of combative.
Instead of saying, “You’re disrespectful,” ask her why she reacted a certain way. Approaching the situation with curiosity instead of accusation opens up a real conversation. You might be surprised by what’s behind her behaviour, and it gives you both a chance to get to the root of the problem.
12. Make her laugh—seriously, humour helps.
Humour can be a great way to break the ice during tough conversations. If things are feeling too tense, throw in a well-timed joke to lighten the mood. It can remind both of you why you’re in this relationship in the first place and make serious talks feel less like a battle.
13. Catch her off guard with kindness.
It might feel counterintuitive, but responding to her disrespect with an act of kindness can shift the energy. A small, thoughtful gesture can catch her off guard and make her re-evaluate how she’s treating you. Sometimes, kindness can be the curveball that resets a rough dynamic.
14. Reflect on why you’re with her in the first place.
When was the last time you both remembered why you’re together? It’s easy to forget the good stuff when you’re stuck in a rut. Take some time to revisit those early days and what made your relationship special. It might remind both of you why respect was never an issue back then.
15. Set a firm boundary and mean it.
If her disrespect is a constant, it’s time to set a clear line. Be specific about what behaviour you won’t accept and make sure you stick to it. Boundaries are only effective if you enforce them, so once they’re set, don’t let them slide.
16. Know when to walk away, but make it your last resort.
If you’ve tried everything and the disrespect keeps coming, it’s okay to start considering bigger decisions. No one deserves to feel disrespected all the time. But before you walk away, make sure you’ve done everything you can to reconnect. Respect is non-negotiable, and if it’s not there, you deserve better.
