While you may not have heard of the term before, you’re likely all too familiar with the behaviour.
Kitchen sinking happens when, during an argument, one person throws in every past issue, complaint, or grievance, whether or not it’s relevant to the current disagreement. Instead of focusing on the matter at hand, the conversation turns into a laundry list of unrelated problems, which inevitably makes it hard to resolve anything. If you do these things, you just might be guilty of this toxic practice and need to stop for the sake of your relationships and your reputation.
1. You bring up old arguments in every disagreement.
Do you find yourself rehashing old arguments every time you argue about something new? This is a clear sign of kitchen sinking, where unresolved issues are thrown into the mix, making it impossible to address the real problem. It keeps old problems alive instead of moving forward.
2. You struggle to stay on topic during an argument.
If you often veer off track during disagreements and bring up unrelated matters, this can make things more complicated. Staying focused on the current issue is key to resolving conflicts effectively. Wandering off-topic causes confusion and prevents clarity.
3. Your partner feels overwhelmed by your complaints.
When every disagreement becomes a catalogue of everything that has gone wrong in the past, your partner may feel overwhelmed or unable to respond. It creates an environment where nothing gets resolved. Overwhelming them with too much at once makes meaningful discussion pretty much impossible.
4. Arguments spiral out of control quickly.
If your disagreements escalate rapidly because many unrelated issues come up, it’s likely a sign of kitchen sinking. When too many topics are introduced, emotions rise, and it becomes harder to resolve anything. Fast-escalating arguments lead to heightened emotions and less control.
5. You find it hard to let go of the past.
Holding on to past hurts can fuel kitchen sinking. If you constantly bring up old problems during arguments, it could mean you’re struggling to forgive or move forward, which prevents you from resolving current issues. Clinging to old grievances prevents new solutions from emerging.
6. Your partner often feels blindsided.
Does your partner feel like they’re being hit with unrelated issues in the middle of an argument? This tactic can leave them feeling confused, making it harder for both of you to find a solution. Feeling blindsided can lead to defensiveness rather than open communication.
7. You use every argument to bring up unresolved issues.
If you view every disagreement as an opportunity to air your frustrations about unrelated matters, you’re likely engaging in kitchen sinking. This approach leads to longer, more frustrating arguments. Bringing up unresolved issues adds unnecessary length and tension to disagreements.
8. You feel like your concerns are never resolved.
When every argument includes past problems, it can feel like nothing ever gets solved. You may end up feeling like your partner doesn’t listen or that your concerns are constantly ignored. Repeated issues create a feeling of being stuck in the same place.
9. Your partner feels defensive before you’ve even started talking.
If your partner braces for a fight the moment an argument starts, it could be because they’re used to you bringing up unrelated issues. This can create a tense atmosphere from the beginning. They may feel like they’re under attack before anything is even discussed.
10. Arguments seem to go in circles.
When kitchen sinking occurs, arguments can feel repetitive, with the same issues being brought up again and again. This leads to frustration and a lack of progress in resolving conflicts. Circular discussions prevent new insights from surfacing.
11. You can’t address one issue without raising others.
Do you struggle to stay focused on one issue at a time? If you bring up multiple problems during a single disagreement, it makes it hard to solve the main issue, leaving everything unresolved. Jumping between topics leaves important issues unaddressed.
12. You feel emotionally drained after every argument.
When every disagreement becomes a long, drawn-out affair that covers too many topics, it’s emotionally exhausting. You might feel drained and frustrated, with no resolution in sight. Emotional exhaustion often follows when too many issues are tackled at once.
13. Your partner accuses you of overreacting.
Source: Unsplash If your partner accuses you of overreacting or exaggerating, it might be because you’re bringing up unrelated issues. Kitchen sinking can make it seem like you’re making a bigger deal out of things than necessary. Perceptions of overreaction often stem from too many grievances being discussed at once.
14. You often feel unheard.
Source: Unsplash Kitchen sinking can create an environment where neither side feels truly heard. When too many unrelated issues are brought into an argument, it’s hard to address any of them properly, leaving both parties frustrated. It often leaves both of you feeling unheard and ignored.
15. You repeat the same patterns in every argument.
Do your arguments follow the same pattern every time? Kitchen sinking creates a cycle where unresolved issues keep coming back, preventing you from making any real progress. Repeating patterns indicates a lack of growth in resolving disputes.
