“Be kind” seems to be the mantra du jour (often used by people who don’t actually follow it themselves), but like everything, you can have too much of a good thing.
It’s great that you treat other people with dignity, respect, and consideration, but there’s actually a pretty thin line between kindness and people-pleasing. If you do these things regularly, you’re not just being nice — you’re bending over backward trying to make other people happy, often at your own expense.
1. You always say yes to requests, even when you’re overwhelmed.
You pride yourself on being helpful, but you agree to every favour asked of you. Whether it’s staying late at work or babysitting on short notice, you never turn down a request. While you think you’re being kind, you’re actually neglecting your own needs and boundaries. This constant ‘yes’ can lead to burnout and resentment, ultimately harming both you and your relationships.
2. You apologise for things that aren’t your fault.
You’re always saying sorry, even in situations where you’ve done nothing wrong. Whether it’s apologising for someone else’s mistake or for circumstances beyond your control, you think you’re smoothing things over. In reality, this excessive apologising can diminish your self-worth and make other people less likely to take responsibility for their actions.
3. You avoid expressing your true opinions to keep the peace.
In conversations, you’re constantly agreeing with people or staying silent, even when you disagree. You believe you’re maintaining harmony, but you’re actually suppressing your own voice and authenticity. This habit can lead to a loss of self-identity and prevent genuine connections based on honest exchange of ideas.
4. You take on extra work to “help out” your colleagues.
You regularly volunteer to take on additional tasks at work, thinking you’re being a team player. However, this often means you’re working longer hours or sacrificing your own priorities. While you believe you’re being kind, you’re actually enabling other people to take advantage of your willingness to overextend yourself.
5. You let people interrupt or talk over you without speaking up.
When someone cuts you off mid-sentence, you let it slide, thinking you’re being polite. You believe it’s kind to let everyone else have the floor, but in reality, you’re allowing your own thoughts and contributions to be devalued. This passive behaviour can lead to a pattern where your voice is consistently overlooked.
6. You pretend to enjoy activities you dislike to make other people happy.
You agree to watch films you hate or participate in activities you don’t enjoy, all in the name of being accommodating. While you think you’re being kind by putting everyone else’s preferences first, you’re actually being inauthentic and potentially building resentment towards those you’re trying to please.
7. You avoid asking for help to not be a burden.
When you’re struggling, you keep it to yourself, believing it’s considerate not to bother anyone with your problems. However, this self-reliance taken to extremes isn’t kindness – it’s a barrier to genuine connection. By not letting other people support you, you’re denying them the opportunity to show kindness in return.
8. You downplay your achievements to avoid making anyone feel bad.
When you succeed, you tend to minimise your accomplishments around other people. You think you’re being modest and avoiding making anyone feel inferior. In reality, this habit can lead to undervaluing your own worth and can keep people from genuinely celebrating your successes with you.
9. You go along with plans you’re not comfortable with.
You often end up in situations that make you uneasy because you agreed to plans you weren’t truly comfortable with. Whether it’s a risky activity or a social event that pushes your boundaries, you go along with it to avoid disappointing anyone. This isn’t kindness – it’s compromising your own mental health and values for the sake of pleasing everyone else.
10. You give more in relationships than you receive.
In your friendships and romantic relationships, you consistently put in more effort, time, and emotional energy than the other person. You believe you’re being caring and supportive, but this imbalance often leads to one-sided relationships where your needs are neglected. True kindness in relationships involves mutual give and take.
11. You don’t set boundaries because you don’t want to upset people.
You struggle to say no or set limits on other people’s behaviour towards you, fearing you’ll hurt their feelings. While you think you’re being kind by being accommodating, you’re actually letting people disrespect your personal space and needs. Healthy boundaries are a form of kindness both to yourself and everyone else.
12. You take on other people’s emotions as your own.
When someone around you is upset, you absorb their feelings entirely, thinking you’re being empathetic. However, this goes beyond kindness into emotional enmeshment. By taking on everyone else’s emotions to this degree, you’re exhausting yourself and potentially enabling other people to avoid dealing with their own feelings.
13. You hide your own struggles to avoid worrying people.
You keep your problems to yourself, believing you’re protecting your loved ones from worry. While this might seem considerate, it actually prevents genuine intimacy and support in your relationships. True kindness involves letting people be there for you, just as you are for them.
14. You change your personality to fit in with different groups.
You often act differently depending on who you’re with, thinking you’re making anyone comfortable by adapting to their style. However, this chameleon-like behaviour isn’t kindness – it’s a form of inauthenticity that can lead to a fragmented sense of self. Real kindness involves being genuinely yourself while still being considerate of other people.
