Finding out someone’s been catfishing you hits like a punch to the gut.
It’s confusing, embarrassing, and weirdly heartbreaking all at once. Who does something like that, and why? If you’re thinking about confronting them about manipulating and lying to you—and no one would blame you for wanting to do so—it’s smart to go in with a plan. Here’s how to handle it without letting it break you even more.
1. Make sure you’re 100% sure before you confront them.
Before you go in guns blazing, double-check your facts. You want to be absolutely certain you’re not making a huge mistake based on a misunderstanding. Screenshots, reverse image searches, weird inconsistencies—whatever it is, make sure you have solid ground to stand on.
You shouldn’t be playing detective forever; focus on protecting yourself from being gaslit into thinking you’re overreacting when you’re not. Clear evidence gives you strength when the conversation gets messy.
2. Decide what you actually want from the confrontation.
Are you looking for an apology? Answers? Closure? Or do you just want to call them out and walk away? Getting clear on your goal helps you stay focused, instead of getting dragged into a pointless back-and-forth that leaves you even more frustrated. You don’t have to explain yourself to them, but knowing what you want out of it will help you feel more in control when emotions start running high.
3. Keep your first message short and direct.
You don’t need a five-paragraph essay. Saying something simple and straightforward like, “I know you’re not who you said you were, and I need you to be honest with me now,” is enough to open the door without giving them room to dodge or distract. Short messages are harder for them to twist. You’re setting the tone right away: you’re calm, you’re serious, and you’re not here to be played with anymore.
4. Expect them to deny it at first.
Even when confronted with the truth, many catfishers panic and double down. They might deny everything, accuse you of being paranoid, or try to guilt-trip you into backing off. Expect it. Prepare for it. Knowing it’s coming makes it easier not to take the bait. You’re not here to argue with their lies; you’re here to stand in your truth, whether they admit it or not. It’s very unlikely they’ll hold their hands up and fess up to what they’ve done straight away.
5. Stay calm, even if you’re fuming inside.
Source: Unsplash They want you to get emotional because it gives them something to latch onto, something they can twist back onto you. Staying as calm and matter-of-fact as you can keeps you in the driver’s seat. You can be angry, sad, disgusted—all of that is valid—but try to save the real venting for your trusted people afterward. Right now, you’re protecting your energy first and foremost.
6. Resist the urge to start negotiating.
Source: Unsplash They might try to explain themselves with sad stories, promises to come clean, or offers to finally be real with you now. It’s tempting to want to salvage something, but remember: the foundation was built on lies. You’re not coming to them to make deals. You’re here to reclaim your time, your heart, and your dignity. No negotiation necessary.
7. Keep screenshots and records, just in case.
If things start getting messy—threats, harassment, or any other weird behaviour—having evidence protects you. Save the messages, screenshots, and any proof of their deception before confronting them if you can. Most of the time, you won’t need it. But if you do, you will be glad you took five minutes to back yourself up. It’s always helpful to produce receipts, especially in the face of the catfisher’s righteous indignation.
8. Have a friend ready for emotional backup.
Even if you’re calm in the confrontation itself, the emotional whiplash afterward can hit hard. Let someone you trust know what’s going on so you’re not sitting in that weird mix of anger, sadness, and betrayal all by yourself afterward. Sometimes, just having someone say, “You didn’t deserve that” can make all the difference when you’re trying to process what happened. It doesn’t take the feelings you have about it away, but it does make them a little easier to digest.
9. Expect them to guilt-trip you.
Some catfishers flip the script hard when confronted. Suddenly, they’re the victim, claiming they only lied because they were lonely, scared, insecure. It’s not your job to heal them, fix them, or stay tangled up in their drama out of pity. You can feel empathy for what they have been through and still walk away. Protecting your peace isn’t cruel, it’s necessary.
10. Don’t feel pressured to give them closure.
Just because you’re confronting them doesn’t mean you owe them a long conversation, forgiveness, or even a goodbye. You’re allowed to say your piece and then block them immediately if that feels right for you. Closure isn’t something you get from the person who hurt you; it’s something you give yourself by choosing peace over chaos.
11. Avoid making it about revenge.
Source: Unsplash It’s totally normal to fantasise about publicly exposing them or giving them a taste of their own medicine, but dragging it out usually just costs you more energy than it’s worth. The real win isn’t in making them feel bad; it’s in reclaiming your time, your dignity, and your future without them in it. Revenge feels good for about five minutes. Real healing feels good forever.
12. Trust your instincts if the conversation starts feeling unsafe.
Source: Unsplash If they start threatening you, manipulating you, or just giving off a vibe that feels wrong, end it immediately. Block them, document everything if needed, and protect yourself without apology. Your gut is there for a reason. If something feels off, it probably is. You do not owe anyone continued access to you once they have shown they can’t handle it responsibly.
13. Remind yourself that their behaviour is not a reflection of your worth.
Source: Unsplash It’s so easy to spiral into “How did I fall for this?” or “What’s wrong with me?” after being catfished. But their lies are about them—their insecurities, their issues, their choices—not about you being foolish or unloveable. You trusted. You believed. Those are not weaknesses, they’re strengths. Being tricked by someone’s lies does not make your heart any less worthy of something real and honest.
14. Decide if you want to report them.
Depending on the situation, especially if money, identity theft, or serious emotional manipulation were involved, you might want to report them to the platform, or even to authorities. You’re allowed to protect yourself and other people. Reporting isn’t petty, either. It’s part of refusing to be silent about people who prey on trust for their own gain.
15. Focus on healing, not staying stuck in what-ifs.
After the confrontation, it’s tempting to replay every conversation and pick apart every missed red flag. However, staying stuck there only hurts you more. What matters is what you do next—how you move forward, wiser, stronger, and even more in tune with yourself. Your story doesn’t end with being lied to. It keeps going, and it gets so much better from here.
