Divorce rarely goes smoothly, and when emotions are running high, some people will do anything to come out on top.
From hiding assets and manipulating the process to trying to twist the narrative, there are plenty of ways people attempt to get one over on their ex. If you’re going through a divorce, knowing these tactics can help you stay one step ahead. Here are just some of the methods spiteful spouses will resort to and what you can do to stop them if you notice it happening in your own split.
1. Hiding money or assets
One of the oldest tricks in the book is trying to make financial resources “disappear” before the divorce is final. That could mean transferring money to secret accounts, undervaluing assets, or conveniently “losing” financial records. Some even gift money or property to family and friends, only to get it back later.
If you suspect your ex is hiding money, don’t ignore the red flags. Get a forensic accountant involved and make sure all financial records are disclosed. Courts don’t take kindly to financial deception, and getting ahead of it can work in your favour.
2. Dragging out the process to wear you down
Some people intentionally delay proceedings to make the process as exhausting and expensive as possible. They’ll cancel meetings, ignore legal requests, or file unnecessary motions, hoping you’ll eventually cave and settle on their terms.
The best way to handle this is to stay patient and document everything. Work with a lawyer who knows how to push back against stalling tactics. The court will eventually see through the delays, and dragging things out could backfire on them.
3. Playing the victim to get sympathy
Some exes will paint themselves as the innocent party, exaggerating events or twisting the truth to make you look like the villain. It can be especially damaging if they use it to gain favour with friends, family, or even the court. The key here is to stay calm and let the facts speak for themselves. Don’t react emotionally to their attempts at manipulation, as hard as that is, and let your lawyer present clear, factual evidence that counters their claims.
4. Using the kids as leverage
One of the most painful divorce tactics is when a parent tries to manipulate custody arrangements for their own benefit. They might exaggerate concerns about your parenting, restrict access to the kids, or use them to guilt-trip you into agreeing to unfair terms.
Family courts prioritise the child’s best interests, so make sure you document any attempts at parental alienation. Keep communication child-focused, follow court guidelines, and avoid being drawn into emotional battles.
5. Quitting their job to reduce child support or alimony
Some people conveniently leave their job or take a lower-paying one to reduce the amount they have to pay in child support or spousal support. They’ll argue they “can’t afford” to pay what they should, even if it’s clear they’re doing it on purpose.
If this happens, request an income assessment. Courts can “impute” income, meaning they’ll base support payments on what the person should be earning rather than what they claim to make. A good lawyer will know how to prove if they’re avoiding their financial responsibilities.
6. Filing false accusations
In extreme cases, an ex may try to use false accusations of abuse, neglect, or financial misconduct to gain an advantage. It’s incredibly dangerous because these claims, even if untrue, can impact custody arrangements and legal decisions.
If you’re facing false accusations, gather evidence to disprove them immediately. Keep records of interactions, get character references if necessary, and let your lawyer handle any legal responses. Courts take false allegations seriously, and if proven, they can severely damage the accuser’s credibility.
7. Refusing to cooperate until you agree to their terms
Some people use passive-aggressive tactics, ignoring legal paperwork, refusing to negotiate, or delaying responses to force you into making a bad deal. Their hope is that you’ll get frustrated and agree to something just to move forward. The best approach is to stay firm and let the legal system handle it. If they refuse to engage, your lawyer can request court intervention to move things along. The law won’t allow them to stall forever.
8. Guilt-tripping you into taking less
They might say things like, “Do you really want to drag this out?” or “I thought you were a better person than this” to make you feel bad for standing up for what you deserve. This tactic plays on emotions, hoping you’ll give in to keep the peace.
Remind yourself that divorce isn’t about being the “bigger person” at your own expense. A fair settlement is about what’s legally and financially right — not about guilt. Stay focused on the bigger picture and don’t let emotions dictate your decisions.
9. Using shared debts to trap you financially
If you have joint credit cards, loans, or a mortgage, an ex may max them out or refuse to make payments, leaving you on the hook. This can destroy your credit score and make it harder for you to move forward financially. Before divorce proceedings start, separate finances as much as possible and track all shared debts. If necessary, request a court order preventing further spending on joint accounts.
10. Moving assets to someone else’s name
To keep certain assets off the table, an ex might “gift” them to a relative or friend before the divorce, planning to take them back later. This can apply to anything from savings and cars to properties and businesses. If you suspect this is happening, ask your lawyer about financial disclosure laws. Courts take asset hiding seriously, and forensic accountants can uncover shady financial moves.
11. Agreeing to things, then changing their mind later
Some people will verbally agree to certain terms just to seem cooperative, then later pretend they never said it. They might act agreeable in mediation but drag things out when it comes time to sign anything official. Always get agreements in writing. Verbal promises mean nothing in court, so make sure everything is documented through legal channels.
12. Dragging their feet on selling assets
If a house, car, or other property needs to be sold as part of the settlement, an ex might delay the process to keep control for as long as possible. They might refuse to list it, sabotage potential sales, or stall negotiations. If this happens, legal intervention can help. Courts can enforce deadlines and even appoint a third party to handle sales if one person isn’t cooperating.
13. Claiming they “suddenly” can’t afford legal fees
Some people pretend they can’t afford to pay their lawyer, hoping to slow the process down or force you into covering costs. They might drag out the case until you’re too financially drained to keep fighting. In this case, it’s best to speak to your lawyer about requesting court-ordered legal fees. In many cases, if one party is deliberately stalling, the court can require them to contribute to the other person’s legal expenses.
14. Trying to keep you emotionally stuck
Not every tactic is about money — some exes try to keep control by dragging out emotional wounds. They might send mixed messages, try to guilt-trip you, or create unnecessary drama just to keep you engaged. Setting firm emotional boundaries is just as important as legal ones. Avoid unnecessary contact, communicate only when needed, and focus on moving forward rather than getting pulled into old arguments.
