Family relationships can be tricky, especially when it comes to recognising when your brother or sister is struggling.
They might not come right out and ask for help, but subtle changes in their behaviour, mood, or routines can give you clues. If you’ve got that gut feeling something’s off, it’s worth paying attention — and doing something about it. Without them saying a single word, here’s how you can tell your sibling is struggling. If anyone is in a position to help and support them, it’s you.
1. They’ve withdrawn from family events.
One of the most telling signs that something’s wrong is when your sibling suddenly starts avoiding family gatherings or important events. If they were once a regular at birthdays, holidays, or casual meet-ups but now come up with excuses to skip them, it’s worth digging a little deeper. That kind of withdrawal can indicate they’re dealing with stress, anxiety, or even depression. When someone feels overwhelmed or emotionally low, social settings can feel like too much to handle. Instead of assuming they’re just busy, reach out to check in. A simple conversation can make them feel noticed and valued, even if they’re not ready to open up fully.
2. Their communication has changed.
Source: Unsplash Has your brother or sister gone from calling or texting regularly to barely replying? Or maybe their messages seem shorter or more distant than usual. A sudden shift in communication patterns can be a subtle way they’re signalling that something’s not right, even if they don’t realise it themselves. It’s easy to assume they’re just busy, but changes like this often reflect internal struggles. Instead of letting the distance grow, take the initiative to reach out and ask how they’re doing. Sometimes, just knowing someone cares can make a huge difference.
3. They seem overly irritable or snappy.
Everyone has bad days, but if your sibling is consistently irritable, impatient, or snapping at small things, it could be a sign of underlying stress or frustration. Changes in temperament are often a way people express internal struggles without realising it. Rather than reacting to their irritability, try approaching them with understanding. Let them know you’ve noticed they seem stressed, and ask if there’s anything they’d like to talk about. Doing so can create a safe space for them to share what’s really going on.
4. They’ve stopped looking after their appearance.
If your brother or sister usually takes pride in their appearance but suddenly seems dishevelled, uninterested in grooming, or looking more tired than usual, it could be a sign that they’re struggling. Significant changes in weight or a lack of self-care often point to emotional or mental health challenges. Approach the topic calmly to avoid making them feel self-conscious. You could say something like, “You seem a bit run down lately. How are you doing?” It shows concern without putting them on the defensive.
5. They’ve stopped doing things they used to enjoy.
Hobbies, sports, or creative pursuits often take a back seat when someone is going through a tough time. If your sibling has lost interest in things that used to light them up, it’s a strong indicator that they’re not feeling like themselves. You might try casually bringing up their old interests to see how they react. Encouraging them to revisit activities they once loved can sometimes be a gentle way to spark joy and reconnect them with a sense of normalcy.
6. Their sleep patterns seem off.
Sleep is often one of the first things to change when someone’s struggling. If your brother or sister mentions they’re barely sleeping or, conversely, that they’re sleeping too much, it could point to underlying issues like stress, anxiety, or depression. You can gently bring this up by asking how they’re sleeping lately. Sometimes, just talking about what’s bothering them can ease their mind enough to improve their rest. If the problem persists, encouraging professional help might be a good step forward.
7. They’re leaning on unhealthy coping mechanisms.
If your sibling is suddenly drinking more than usual, indulging in excessive junk food, or engaging in other unhealthy behaviours, it could be their way of coping with stress or emotional pain. These behaviours often provide temporary relief but can signal deeper struggles. Instead of judging, express your concern in a supportive way. Saying something like, “I’ve noticed you’ve been drinking more lately. Are you doing okay?” can open the door to an honest conversation without making them feel attacked.
8. They seem unusually quiet or distracted.
Sometimes, silence speaks louder than words. If your brother or sister seems unusually quiet or zoned out during conversations, it might be a sign they’re preoccupied with something weighing on their mind. Distraction or disengagement is often a way of retreating when things feel overwhelming. Rather than forcing them to talk, let them know you’re there to listen whenever they’re ready. A simple, “You seem a bit distant. Do you want to chat about anything?” can be enough to show you care without pressuring them.
9. They’re constantly apologising for small things.
Over-apologising can sometimes signal deeper feelings of guilt, insecurity, or fear of conflict. If your sibling is saying “sorry” excessively for minor things, it could indicate that they’re struggling with self-worth or feeling overwhelmed by external pressures. Reassure them when you notice this behaviour. Let them know they don’t need to apologise for being themselves, and encourage open conversations about what might be causing their anxiety. Small acts of reassurance can make a big impact on their confidence and mood.
10. Their work or school performance has taken a nosedive.
Struggling people might suddenly start underperforming at work or school, or conversely, they might throw themselves into it to avoid dealing with personal issues. Either extreme can indicate they’re grappling with stress or emotional challenges. If you notice changes like missed deadlines, complaints about burnout, or an unusual obsession with work, it’s worth checking in. Ask open-ended questions to give them space to share what’s going on behind the scenes.
11. They’re isolating themselves from friends or hobbies.
If your brother or sister is cancelling plans or avoiding friends, it could be a sign that they’re struggling to keep up socially. Isolation often feels like a safe escape for people dealing with overwhelming emotions, but it can also deepen feelings of loneliness. Encourage them to take small steps back into social settings, even if it’s something low-pressure like grabbing coffee or taking a walk together. Sometimes, your support can help them feel more comfortable re-engaging with the world.
12. They make offhand comments about feeling overwhelmed.
Statements like “I can’t handle this anymore” or “It’s just too much” can be easy to brush off as venting, but they’re often subtle cries for help. Even if your sibling says these things jokingly, they might be expressing more than they realise. Take these comments seriously and use them as an opportunity to check in. Asking, “What’s been feeling overwhelming lately?” shows you’re paying attention and care about what they’re going through. Sometimes, just knowing someone is there to listen can make a world of difference.
