Between the morning commute and bedtime routine, women’s mental load carries an extra set of calculations that would impress a maths professor.
These aren’t the obvious things that make it into equality discussions or workplace seminars, either. The mental gymnastics happen so automatically now that most women don’t even register them as extra work. Yet each day involves dozens of micro-decisions and safety calculations that simply don’t cross male minds. Here’s what runs through women’s heads while going about a perfectly ordinary day.
1. Choosing between the quick dark route or the long well-lit one
The mental mapping of the safest route home starts well before leaving the office. Phone in hand, keys between fingers, and a constant mental note of which shops are still open along the way. That “quick pop to Tesco” after dark requires more tactical planning than a military operation. The mental energy spent on choosing between the shorter dark route or the longer well-lit one adds up over time.
2. Making sure your dress won’t reveal too much during meetings
Every clothing choice comes with its own risk assessment form. That new dress needs a test-sit to check for accidental exposure during the morning meeting. The “professional enough but not too attention-grabbing” calculation happens before every client presentation. The mental maths of heel height versus walking distance versus time spent standing starts before every workday.
3. Checking which carriage has the most women on the late train
The last train home requires an entirely different strategy than the 6pm service. Choosing the right carriage means scanning for groups of women, checking for exits, and avoiding empty cars. The mental debate between splashing out on an Uber or braving public transport hits different after sunset. Texting your mate to say you’ve made it home safely has become as routine as tapping your Oyster card.
4. Timing your tea breaks to avoid that handsy coworker
The office kitchen becomes a mental chess game of avoiding that one colleague who stands too close. Moving your desk to face the door isn’t about feng shui. Making tea involves timing it right to dodge certain coworkers. The constant awareness of who’s behind you in open-plan spaces takes up more brain space than spreadsheet formulas.
5. Calculating if your tampon supply will last the workday
The monthly supplies stockpile needs managing like a small warehouse operation. Emergency products get stashed everywhere like a squirrel prepping for winter. The handbag Tetris of fitting in necessities while keeping it light enough to not wreck your shoulder. The subtle pass of supplies to a colleague in need has become an art form.
6. Making requests sound nice enough to avoid being called bossy
Striking the balance between assertive and “nice” in meetings requires Olympic-level vocal gymnastics. Phrasing emails to sound confident but not bossy has become a professional sport. Adding just enough softeners to requests to avoid being labelled difficult. The constant monitoring of tone would exhaust a voice coach.
7. Creating invisible barriers with bags on public transport
The strategic placement of bags on empty seats during public transport. Creating invisible barriers with coats and scarves in crowded spaces. The constant shuffle away from people who ignore social distance norms. Mastering the art of taking up just enough space to maintain boundaries without being confrontational.
8. Remembering everyone’s appointments while forgetting your own
Managing multiple calendars while accounting for everyone else’s needs would qualify as a project management certification. Balancing work deadlines around school runs and parents’ evenings requires advanced calculus. Scheduling medical appointments months in advance while trying to predict cycles. The mental load of remembering everyone’s appointments, preferences, and dietary requirements.
9. Never leaving your drink unattended, even for a wee
Never leaving drinks unattended at the pub has become second nature. The drink-covering techniques with coasters or hands have evolved into an art form. Keeping track of drink levels and watching for suspicious behaviour around glasses. The unspoken agreement among women to watch each other’s drinks during loo breaks.
10. Checking the back seat before getting into your car
The strategic choice of parking spots based on lighting and visibility. Checking the back seat before getting in has become automatic. The quick survey of surroundings while loading shopping into the boot. The phone-ready walk through dimly lit car parks.
11. Planning your jog around daylight hours and busy streets
Planning runs around daylight hours and populated areas. Choosing gym times based on how busy certain types of equipment get. The mental energy spent on finding workout clothes that balance comfort with avoiding unwanted attention. Calculating the safest time to use the weights section.
12. Double-checking every door and window before bed
The nightly ritual of checking locks multiple times. The strategic placement of keys and phone while sleeping. Creating excuses to avoid giving out your address to service providers. The careful vetting of delivery times to ensure someone else will be home.
13. Avoiding posting your location on social media until later
The constant decisions about what information to share online. Avoiding posting real-time updates about current locations. The careful selection of profile photos to balance professional with approachable. Managing privacy settings like a cybersecurity expert.
14. Tracking outfit repeats so nobody notices the rotation
The invisible tax of maintaining “professional” standards that go well beyond basic grooming. Tracking multiple outfits to avoid the “she always wears that” comments. Managing hair, makeup, and nails becomes a part-time job in itself. The constant balance between looking “put together” but not “trying too hard”.
