Rejecting someone is never easy, but it’s something most of us have to do at some point.
Whether it’s turning down a date, saying no to doing someone a favour, or stepping back from a friendship, it can be tough to turn someone down, but it’s a normal and necessary part of life. How you handle these moments matters. If you’ve ever felt awkward or unsure about how to say no, you might be making it harder than it needs to be. Here are 14 common mistakes people make when rejecting someone, and what you can do instead to make the situation smoother for everyone involved.
1. You sugarcoat your response too much.
It’s natural to want to soften the blow when rejecting someone, but piling on unnecessary compliments or vague excuses can lead to confusion. When you’re overly indirect, the other person might misinterpret your words as encouragement or think there’s still a chance. While your intentions are kind, it can backfire and make things messier in the long run. Instead, aim for clarity and kindness. You don’t have to be harsh, but being upfront helps avoid any mixed signals. A simple, honest response like, “I don’t feel the same way, but I really appreciate your courage in telling me,” can leave less room for misunderstanding while still showing respect.
2. You drag it out because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.
Procrastinating on a rejection might feel like you’re sparing their feelings, but it often causes more pain. When someone is left waiting for your response, they may build up false hope or feel anxious about what’s coming. Delaying the inevitable doesn’t make it easier, it makes it harder for both of you. Try to address the situation sooner rather than later. Even though it’s uncomfortable, getting it out of the way shows respect for their time and emotions. Quick action also allows you both to move on without unnecessary stress or awkwardness.
3. You apologise excessively.
Feeling bad about rejecting someone is normal, but over-apologising can make things more uncomfortable. Saying “sorry” repeatedly might make the other person feel like their feelings are a burden or that they’ve done something wrong by expressing themselves. While a single, sincere apology is appropriate, focus more on acknowledging their effort or courage. For example, “I’m sorry this isn’t the response you were hoping for, but I really admire your honesty,” keeps the conversation respectful without overloading it with guilt.
4. You avoid explaining your reasoning altogether.
While you don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation, being too vague can leave them feeling confused or even hurt. A response like, “I just don’t think it’s going to work,” might seem neutral, but it can come across as dismissive or cold if there’s no context. Offering a brief, honest reason, like differences in priorities or feelings, can help them understand without overstepping boundaries. Sharing a little bit of your perspective shows that you’ve given the situation thought and aren’t just brushing them off.
5. You try too hard to stay friends right away.
It’s tempting to offer friendship as a way to soften the blow, but pushing for it immediately after rejecting someone can feel insincere or even overwhelming. The other person might need time to process their feelings before considering a platonic relationship, and rushing this step can make things awkward. Instead of forcing friendship, let them know the door is open but give them space to decide. Saying something like, “I’d love to stay friends if that feels right for you, but I understand if you need time,” shows that you’re considerate of their emotions and willing to respect their boundaries.
6. You come across as too blunt or cold.
On the flip side, being overly direct can feel harsh, even if you’re just trying to be honest. A statement like, “I’m not interested, sorry,” might get the point across, but it can leave the other person feeling dismissed or embarrassed, especially if they’ve put themselves in a vulnerable position. A little compassion goes a long way. Adding kindness to your rejection, such as, “I really appreciate you being open with me, but I don’t think we’re a good fit,” makes your message clear without coming off as unnecessarily cold.
7. You ghost instead of having the conversation.
Disappearing without explanation might seem like an easy way out, but it’s often the most hurtful option. Ghosting leaves the other person with unanswered questions and can make them feel like their feelings weren’t worth addressing. It’s a move that often leads to resentment and frustration. Even if it feels uncomfortable, having a direct conversation shows maturity and respect. A short message or call is enough to let them know where you stand. You don’t need to follow a perfect script — just give closure rather than leaving them in the dark.8. You make promises you can’t keep.
Sometimes, people overpromise during a rejection to soften the blow, saying things like, “Maybe in the future,” or “Let’s hang out soon,” even when they don’t mean it. While it might seem kind in the moment, these false assurances can give the other person hope and make it harder for them to move on. It’s better to avoid making vague promises and stick to honesty. Saying, “I don’t see this changing, but I wish you the best,” might be tough to say, but it’s kinder in the long run and avoids unnecessary confusion.
9. You downplay their feelings.
Reactions like, “It’s not that big of a deal,” or “You’ll get over it,” can feel dismissive, even if they’re meant to make the rejection seem less painful. Diminishing their feelings might unintentionally make them feel invalidated or ashamed of their emotions. Acknowledging their vulnerability, like saying, “I know this might be hard to hear, and I really appreciate your honesty,” shows that you respect their courage. It validates their feelings without putting additional pressure on the situation.
10. You let your nerves make the situation more awkward.
Source: Unsplash It’s normal to feel nervous when rejecting someone, but stumbling over your words or dragging out the conversation can make things unnecessarily uncomfortable. Overthinking what to say might lead to mixed signals or a rejection that feels less sincere. Keeping it simple and straightforward is often the best approach. Take a deep breath, practise what you want to say if needed, and remind yourself that being kind and clear is what matters most. Confidence helps make the conversation easier for both of you.
11. You focus too much on yourself.
Sometimes, in an effort to explain, people end up making the rejection about themselves. Saying things like, “I just don’t have time for a relationship right now,” might be true, but it can leave the other person feeling sidelined or unimportant. Balancing your explanation with acknowledgment of their effort helps keep the conversation more mutual. Saying, “I think you’re great, but I don’t feel this is the right connection for me,” keeps the focus respectful and shared.
12. You let guilt take over the conversation.
Feeling guilty about rejecting someone is natural, but letting that guilt dominate the conversation can shift the focus away from what’s really important. Over-apologising or second-guessing yourself might make them feel worse or leave things unclear. Instead, focus on delivering your message with kindness and clarity. Reassure yourself that being honest is ultimately the most compassionate choice, even if it feels difficult in the moment.
13. You get defensive when they push back.
Not everyone takes rejection gracefully, and some people might react with frustration or try to argue their case. While it’s tempting to get defensive or engage in a debate, this often escalates the situation and makes it more emotionally charged. Staying calm and repeating your message with firmness and empathy is key. Saying, “I understand this isn’t what you were hoping for, but this is where I stand,” helps keep the conversation grounded while holding your boundaries.
14. You try to make jokes to lighten the mood.
Source: Unsplash Humour can be a great tool in conversations, but during a rejection, it can come across as dismissive or insensitive. Joking about the situation might make you feel more comfortable, but it can also trivialise the other person’s feelings and make them feel less heard. Instead, focus on being genuine and considerate. While it’s okay to keep things light if appropriate, prioritise compassion over humour. A sincere approach often resonates more deeply and leaves both of you feeling more at peace.
