When someone is struggling, you want to say the right thing—to comfort them, give them some solid advice, or just make them feel better.
But sometimes, even well-meaning words can come across as dismissive, frustrating, or just not helpful. If you’ve ever found yourself unsure of what to say to someone going through a tough time, here are some things to avoid—and what to do instead. After all, the last thing you want to do is make things even worse, right?
1. “Hey, you know everything happens for a reason, right?”
When someone’s in pain, the last thing they want to hear is that their suffering has some grand purpose. Even if you believe it, saying this can feel dismissive, like you’re brushing off their emotions instead of acknowledging them. Not only is this not helpful, it’s really cliche and disconnected from reality. You’re better off leaving this one out.
Instead, try: “I know this is really hard. I’m here for you.” Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be present and listen.
2. “At least it’s not worse.”
Minimising what someone’s going through by comparing it to something worse doesn’t make them feel better—it just makes them feel guilty for struggling at all. Pain isn’t a competition, and just because things could be worse doesn’t mean they aren’t hard right now.
Instead, try: “That sounds really tough. Do you want to talk about it?” Acknowledging their feelings instead of pushing them aside makes a world of difference. They might not want or feel the need to dive into it, but knowing that you’re there will likely make them feel better.
3. “You’ll be fine.”
Source: Unsplash While this might be true in the long run, saying it in the moment can feel like you’re dismissing their pain. Right now, they don’t feel fine, and pretending otherwise doesn’t help. Chances are, they already know they’ll be okay again one day, but in the present moment, they’re not.
Instead, try: “I know things are really rough right now. I’m here for whatever you need.” Letting them process their emotions without rushing to fix things can be far more comforting.
4. “Other people have it worse.”
This one is particularly unhelpful. Yes, other people might be struggling too, but that doesn’t make what they’re going through any less painful. Comparing pain just makes people feel invalidated. A little perspective is always helpful, but it’s not really up to you to give it to them.
Instead, try: “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.” This shows empathy without diminishing their experience.
5. “You should be grateful for what you have.”
Gratitude is important, but forcing someone to focus on the positives when they’re hurting can feel like you’re ignoring their pain. They probably are grateful for certain things, but that doesn’t erase what they’re struggling with. Besides, gratitude and struggles aren’t mutually exclusive.
Instead, try: “I know things feel really overwhelming right now. If you ever need to vent, I’m here.” Sometimes, just knowing someone is listening helps.
6. “Have you tried [insert solution]?”
When someone’s upset, they’re not always looking for advice; they often just need to be heard. Jumping in with solutions right away can feel like you’re brushing past their emotions instead of sitting with them. Unless they ask you what you think or if you have any ideas for how they should move forward, you’re better off keeping your helpful suggestions to yourself.
Instead, try: “Would you like to talk about it, or do you want advice?” This gives them control over the conversation and lets them tell you what they actually need.
7. “Just stay positive.”
While positivity has its place, forcing it on someone who’s struggling can feel invalidating. It’s okay for people to feel down, and pretending everything is fine when it’s not doesn’t make problems go away. Maybe they are generally a bit more upbeat, but they’re also only human, and everyone gets a bit down sometimes.
Instead, try: “I know this is really difficult. I’m here for you no matter what.” Support is always more helpful than toxic positivity.
8. “This will make you stronger.”
It’s true that adversity can lead to growth, but when someone is in the middle of a painful situation, they don’t want to hear about how it’s going to “build character.” Right now, they’re just trying to get through it.
Instead, try: “You don’t have to go through this alone. I’ve got you.” Reminding them they have support is more helpful than trying to find a silver lining.
9. “You don’t seem that upset.”
Just because someone isn’t crying or visibly breaking down doesn’t mean they’re not struggling. Everyone processes emotions differently, and assuming they’re fine just because they’re holding it together can make them feel like they have to keep pretending. They don’t have to perform their feelings for you for them to exist and be valid.
Instead, try: “I just want you to know that if you ever want to talk, I’m here.” Giving them space without pressuring them is the best way to show support.
10. “Time heals all wounds.”
While time can help, it doesn’t erase pain. Telling someone they’ll feel better eventually doesn’t help them deal with what they’re going through right now. Again, this is yet another cliche phrase that isn’t just annoying, it’ll also likely make you seem a bit clueless. Who says this seriously, anyway?
Instead, try: “Healing takes time, and it’s okay to feel however you feel right now.” Letting them move through emotions at their own pace is more helpful than rushing them to “get over it.”
11. “You’re being a bit dramatic.”
Even if someone’s reaction seems big to you, that doesn’t mean it isn’t valid. Telling someone they’re overreacting only makes them feel unheard and ashamed of their emotions. And hey, maybe they are being dramatic, but if whatever’s happening to them is a big deal, it makes sense why that might be the case.
Instead, try: “I can tell this is really hard for you. I’m here to support you however I can.” Validating their feelings helps them feel safe expressing them.
12. “It could be worse.”
Yes, things could always be worse, but that doesn’t mean what they’re experiencing isn’t painful. This kind of statement often comes off as dismissive rather than comforting. They’re probably well aware of the fact that there are worse things happening in the world, but again, this isn’t helpful, and it doesn’t change what they’re going through.
Instead, try: “I know this is tough, and I’m really sorry you’re going through it.” A little empathy goes a long way.
13. “You kinda just need to get over it.”
If healing were that simple, no one would struggle. Telling someone to “get over it” doesn’t encourage growth—it just makes them feel like they shouldn’t be struggling at all. They will get over it in the end, but you telling them to do so now isn’t some magic wand that will speed up the process. In fact, it might even set them back.
Instead, try: “Take all the time you need. I’m here when you’re ready to talk.” Letting them know they have time and support is much more helpful.
14. “If I were you, I’d do [insert advice].”
Even if you think you have the perfect solution, unsolicited advice can sometimes feel like you’re dismissing what they’re going through. Everyone processes things differently, and what worked for you might not be helpful for them. Unless they ask what you’d do in their shoes, leave it alone.
Instead, try: “If you ever want to talk about ways to handle this, I’m happy to help.” This gives them space to ask for advice if they actually want it.
15. “God wouldn’t give you more than you can handle.”
Even if someone is religious, this phrase can feel frustrating. In the moment, it doesn’t feel like they can handle what’s happening, and hearing that it’s “part of a plan” might not be comforting. In fact, it’s often during tough times that people grapple with their faith the most, and these empty platitudes aren’t likely to help.
Instead, try: “I know this is incredibly hard. You don’t have to go through it alone.” That reassurance means far more than a cliche.
16. “Let me know if you need anything.”
While this sounds supportive, it puts the burden on the person struggling to reach out. When people are overwhelmed, they might not know what they need or feel comfortable asking for help. That’s not to say you should push yourself on them, but being a bit more proactive might be helpful.
Instead, try: “I’d love to bring you dinner this week—what day works for you?” or “I’m going to check in on you tomorrow.” Being proactive about offering support makes a huge difference.
