Everyone wants their parents to be proud of them, but most realise that your parents won’t always approve of your life choices, and that’s okay.
However, not everyone is okay with following their own path in life. If you’ve ever caught yourself feeling like you need to “prove” something, impress them, or avoid rocking the boat, there’s a good chance you’re still looking for their validation on some level. Here are some things people often do when they haven’t fully untangled that need from their day-to-day decisions. Recognising this need can help you overcome it in the end, so it’s pretty important.
1. You downplay your achievements, even when you’re proud of yourself.
You might have done something genuinely impressive, but instead of celebrating it, you shrink it down or brush it off. Deep down, you’re hoping your parents will be the ones to say “well done” first, so it doesn’t feel real until they do.
This habit can make you feel like your wins aren’t really yours, or that they only count if someone else approves. It’s exhausting waiting for recognition that may never come the way you want it to, especially when you’re doing amazing things already.
2. You second-guess your life choices, especially the ones they wouldn’t agree with.
Whether it’s your job, where you live, or the person you’re dating, you sometimes find yourself questioning it—not because it’s wrong, but because you know they wouldn’t get it. That second-guessing isn’t always about your gut. It’s about their imagined disapproval.
When you’re still hoping for their approval, their preferences can sneak into your inner dialogue. Even if they’ve never said a word, you’ve internalised the version of success or happiness they expected, and it still pulls at you in quiet moments.
3. You hide parts of your life from them.
Maybe you’ve stopped telling them certain things—not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because you don’t want to hear the disappointment in their voice. You’d rather avoid the conversation entirely than feel judged again. That silence isn’t always about boundaries. Sometimes, it’s about protecting yourself from feeling rejected or misunderstood. That says a lot about how much their opinion still holds weight, even if you’ve built an adult life of your own.
4. You crave praise, even in subtle, quiet ways.
You might not fish for compliments outright, but when your parents offer even a small amount of praise, it sticks with you. It means more than it should. It’s like being back in your old bedroom, hearing “I’m proud of you” for the first time in ages. When that kind of affirmation is rare, you start craving it like a lifeline. And even though you act like it doesn’t matter, you can’t help but feel a little more settled when it finally comes, even if it’s just a half-hearted comment.
5. You keep choosing the “safe” path.
You might call yourself practical or realistic, but deep down, you’ve been avoiding anything too risky because you’re still trying to be “sensible” in their eyes. That dream you’ve tucked away? It’s not just fear holding you back—it’s the fear of their disapproval.
Approval-seeking often shows up in your career or lifestyle choices. You may have talked yourself out of creative pursuits, bold travel plans, or less traditional routes simply because they wouldn’t understand them. Even now, that voice still lingers.
6. You feel guilty when you set boundaries with them.
Even if your boundaries are completely reasonable, part of you still feels like a “bad” child for putting your needs first. You might set the boundary and then spend days overthinking whether you upset them or pushed too far.
This guilt is often rooted in a deep desire to stay in their good books, even when they’ve never respected your boundaries before. Emotional intelligence tells you to protect your space, but the approval-seeking part makes it hard to feel settled after doing so.
7. You keep trying to impress them with your independence.
On the outside, you’re self-sufficient and proud of it. But sometimes that independence isn’t just for you—it’s a performance. You want them to see how capable you are, how well you’ve done, how little you’ve needed help. It’s not wrong to want to stand on your own two feet. However, when you find yourself quietly hoping they’ll notice how together you seem, it might be worth asking if you’re still chasing the “look at me now” moment.
8. You replay old arguments in your head and imagine winning them.
You might have walked away years ago, but in your mind, those arguments keep playing on loop—only now, you say the perfect thing. You prove your point. You finally feel heard. It’s not about revenge—it’s about resolution you never got. That mental replay often shows you’re still hoping they’ll see your side. Even if it’s unlikely, some part of you still wants that one conversation where everything clicks and they finally say, “I understand now.”
9. You struggle with decisions if they go against your upbringing.
You may be a grown adult with your own values, but when it comes to certain choices—parenting, money, religion—you hesitate. You wonder, “Would they approve?” even if you disagree with their approach entirely. It’s tricky when your childhood beliefs get tangled up with adult decisions. You don’t want to disappoint them, even if you know deep down that your path is different, and that it’s okay to want something else.
10. You get defensive when they’re critical.
Even when you pretend their comments don’t matter, they do. One little jab about your choices and suddenly, you’re 10 years old again, desperate to prove yourself. You don’t want to care, but you still react. That defensiveness often comes from a hope that they’ll just, for once, give you credit instead of criticism. When they don’t, it stings more than you expect. It’s not about ego; it’s about emotional need.
11. You compare yourself to siblings more than you’d like to admit.
If you’ve got siblings, especially ones who seem to “get it right,” you’ve probably caught yourself wondering why you’re not the favourite, or at least not seen in the same way. It’s not about competition. It’s about validation. Even if you’re close with your siblings, those quiet comparisons can eat at you. You’re not trying to win, but it’s hard not to notice when someone else gets the praise or approval you’ve quietly been hoping for all along.
12. You take criticism from them harder than from anyone else.
Someone else can give you feedback, and you’ll roll with it. However, when it comes from a parent, even a small comment can stick with you for days. It cuts deeper—not because it’s cruel, but because it touches that old wound. That sting usually comes from how much you still want to get it “right” in their eyes. You can handle most things, but disappointing them still feels like the one thing you haven’t quite figured out how to shake off.
13. You avoid conflict to keep things calm, even at your own expense.
You might pride yourself on being the peacemaker. However, a lot of times, that peacekeeping means swallowing your own needs just to avoid upsetting them. You keep things smooth because deep down, conflict feels like rejection. This isn’t weakness—it’s a survival tactic you probably learned early on. That being said, if it stops you from being honest, it might be costing you more than it’s saving. Especially if you’re always the one doing the emotional heavy lifting.
14. You base your worth on how much you achieve.
You might believe deep down that your value comes from what you can do, not who you are. That belief often traces back to parents who praised performance more than personality—and now, you’re still trying to earn that gold star. That constant striving can make you feel like you’re never quite enough. Even when other people are impressed, it doesn’t fully land because the one validation you crave is the one you still haven’t received the way you needed it.
15. You keep hoping they’ll change.
You know who they are. You’ve accepted it, mostly, but there’s still that little part of you that wonders if one day, they’ll finally get it. They’ll soften. They’ll say what you always needed to hear. You haven’t let go completely. This hope isn’t naive—it’s human. But it can also keep you stuck. The more you wait for their change, the more you delay your own. Real freedom often begins with grieving the approval you never got, and deciding to give it to yourself instead.
