Some people are just jerks who love to tear others down to make themselves feel better.
Whether it’s a backhanded compliment, a snide remark, or an outright insult, these rude people have a knack for pushing our buttons and making us doubt ourselves. But here’s the thing — you don’t have to put up with their nonsense. You have the power to shut down their BS and keep your head held high. Here are 17 things people say to make you feel bad about yourself, and how to respond like the confident, self-assured human being you are.
1. “You’re so brave for wearing that.”
Translation: “That outfit looks awful on you.” Don’t let this passive-aggressive nonsense get to you. Respond with a cheerful, “Thanks, I know I look fab!” and strut away like the fashion icon you are. Remember, confidence is the best accessory.
2. “You’re too sensitive.”
This is the oldest invalidation tactic in the book, and the most annoying. When someone says this, what they really mean is, “I don’t want to take responsibility for my hurtful behaviour.” Don’t let them gaslight you into thinking your feelings aren’t valid. Clap back with a firm, “No, I’m not too sensitive. You’re being insensitive, and I won’t stand for it.”
3. “You’re so lucky, you can eat whatever you want and stay thin.”
Source: Unsplash This backhanded compliment is a thinly veiled jab at your body. Respond with a pointed, “Actually, I work hard to maintain my health through proper nutrition and exercise. It has nothing to do with luck.” Shut down their passive-aggressive nonsense and make it clear that your body is not up for discussion.
4. “You’re not like other girls/guys.”
This is a classic pick-up artist tactic designed to make you feel special while putting down an entire gender. Don’t fall for it. Respond with a dry, “Oh, you mean I’m not a walking stereotype? Thanks for noticing.” Let them know that you see right through their reductive nonsense.
5. “You’re too smart for your own good.”
Intelligence is not a flaw, no matter what some insecure git might try to tell you. When someone says this, respond with a confident, “I’m proud of my intelligence and I won’t dumb myself down to make anyone feel better about themselves.” Never apologise for being smart.
6. “You’re so articulate… for a [insert marginalised group].”
This is a racist microaggression masquerading as a compliment. Shut it down swiftly with a firm, “My articulation has nothing to do with my [race/ethnicity/etc.]. That’s a racist stereotype and I won’t tolerate it.” Call out their bigotry and make it clear that you won’t be reduced to a harmful trope.
7. “You’d be so much prettier if you smiled more.”
Your facial expressions are not there for anyone else’s enjoyment. Respond with a sarcastic, “Thanks for the unsolicited advice, but I’ll smile when I bloody well feel like it.” You don’t owe anyone a smile, no matter how much they try to police your appearance.
8. “You’re so brave for putting yourself out there at your age.”
Source: Unsplash Ageism is never a good look. When some jerk tries to make you feel bad about your age, hit back with a confident, “My age has nothing to do with my abilities or worth. I’ll continue to put myself out there because I know I have value to offer.” Show them that their ageist nonsense has no power over you.
9. “You’re too old/young to understand.”
Again with the ageism! Don’t let anyone use your age as a weapon against you. Respond with a firm, “My age does not determine my capacity for understanding. I am perfectly capable of grasping complex issues, thank you very much.” Put them in their place and refuse to be patronised.
10. “You’re so exotic-looking.”
This is a gross fetishization of your ethnicity and it’s not okay. Shut it down with a blunt, “I’m not a bloody zoo animal. Commenting on my ‘exotic’ appearance is racist, and I won’t stand for it.” Call out their ignorance and make it clear that your ethnicity is not a novelty for their enjoyment.
11. “You’re too qualified for this job.”
This is a sneaky way of making you feel like you don’t belong. Don’t fall for it. Respond with a confident, “I’m perfectly qualified for this job, and I’m excited to bring my skills to the table. If you think I’m overqualified, that says more about your insecurity than my abilities.” Show them that you know your worth and won’t be intimidated by their nonsense.
12. “You’re so brave for sharing your story.”
While this might be well-intentioned, it can come across as patronising. Respond with a genuine, “Thank you, but I don’t share my story for bravery points. I do it because I believe in the power of vulnerability and connection.” Reframe the narrative on your own terms.
13. “You’re too pretty to be single.”
Your relationship status has nothing to do with your appearance, and anyone who says otherwise is a shallow twit. Respond with a sassy, “My singlehood is a choice, not a reflection of my attractiveness. I’m not looking for validation from anyone else.” Show them that you’re confident in yourself, with or without a partner.
14. “You’re so brave for wearing that at your size.”
Nope, nope, nope. Shut this body-shaming drivel down immediately with a firm, “My size has nothing to do with my fashion choices. I wear what makes me feel amazing, and I won’t apologise for taking up space.” Your body is not up for debate, no matter what some fatphobic numpty tries to tell you.
15. “You’re just saying that because you’re [insert marginalised identity].”
This is a classic derailing tactic designed to invalidate your perspective. Don’t let them get away with it. Respond with a pointed, “My identity informs my experiences, but it does not negate the validity of my arguments. Stop trying to dismiss me and engage with what I’m actually saying.” Call out their attempt to silence you and stand firm in your convictions.
16. “You’re so brave for being out at work.”
While this might be meant as a compliment, it implies that being LGBTQ+ is something to be ashamed of. Respond with a proud, “I’m not brave for being myself — I’m brave for facing a world that still discriminates against people like me. My identity is not a liability.” Remind them that your queerness is not a weakness, but a source of strength.
17. “You’re so articulate for someone from a council estate.”
This classist rubbish has no place in civilised society. Shut it down with a firm, “My socioeconomic background has nothing to do with my intelligence or communication skills. Check your classist assumptions at the door.” Let them know that their snobbery is not welcome here.
