The things we hear growing up don’t always fade—in fact, many times, they echo.
That’s especially true when they come from our mothers. Some phrases build us up; others, even well-meaning, can send our confidence into a nosedive faster than you can imagine. If you’ve said any of these things to your daughters when they were growing up (or still say them now), chances are, it’s stuck with them—and still makes them feel a bit rubbish, if they’re being honest.
1. “Why can’t you be more like your sister?”
This one might be said in frustration, but it plants a seed of comparison that’s hard to shake. Hearing that you fall short next to someone else, especially a sibling, can make you question your worth from an early age. It implies that who you are isn’t quite enough, and that someone else’s way of being is the standard you should aim for.
Even if it’s meant to motivate or encourage growth, it often creates feelings of rivalry, quiet resentment, or shame. Instead of pushing a child to improve, it can push her to hide the parts of herself that don’t match up. And over time, she might start striving for approval rather than authenticity, always wondering if she’s being compared.
2. “You’d be so pretty if you just…”
Whether it ends with “lost weight,” “smiled more,” or “did something with your hair,” this comment links beauty to conditional approval. It teaches her that she has to meet a certain standard to be seen or celebrated. It’s a message that her appearance, as it is, doesn’t fully count—not until it’s altered to someone else’s liking.
These kinds of comments, even in passing, often live rent-free in her mind. She may start to second-guess her natural features, feel the need to adjust her body or face, or link self-worth to meeting aesthetic expectations. In the long run, it can lead to a complicated relationship with self-image and the belief that love is earned, not just given.
3. “Stop being so sensitive.”
This tells a girl that her feelings are inconvenient, dramatic, or too big to be taken seriously. When it comes from a parent, it can teach her to mistrust her emotional responses or feel ashamed of expressing what’s going on inside. It subtly suggests that showing emotion is a flaw instead of a strength.
Rather than learning to navigate emotions in a healthy way, she might start bottling them up or downplaying how she feels. When someone grows up thinking their emotions are “too much,” it becomes harder to advocate for themselves or process discomfort later in life. That internal silence can shrink even the most vibrant kind of confidence.
4. “You always mess things up.”
Harsh generalisations stick, especially when they come from someone you love and want approval from. A single mistake becomes a defining trait, and that label takes root far deeper than most realise. Being told you “always” get it wrong can shape how a girl sees herself long after childhood is over.
Instead of learning that mistakes are part of growth, she learns to associate them with personal failure. She may avoid trying new things out of fear of proving that label right. What could’ve been a valuable learning experience turns into shame, and her self-trust starts to be destroyed under the weight of someone else’s impatience.
5. “Boys don’t like girls who act like that.”
Even if it’s meant to encourage calm or polite behaviour, this comment links worth to male approval. It subtly teaches her that how she behaves should be filtered through what other people, especially boys, find acceptable or attractive. That her value isn’t her own to hold, but something other people grant or take away.
As she grows, that mindset can quietly lead to people-pleasing, shrinking, or editing herself in relationships. It may cause her to prioritise likeability over authenticity, or feel that being her full self might cost her love or connection. That belief can linger in her choices for years to come.
6. “That’s not very ladylike.”
This might be said casually or out of habit, but it draws a clear, narrow line around how girls are expected to behave. It discourages messiness, boldness, or anything that falls outside a traditional image of femininity. After a while, it can create a sense that her natural instincts need to be polished or reined in.
When she’s constantly reminded to stay within a mould, she starts performing rather than living. She may feel the need to monitor how she sits, speaks, laughs, or even moves, worried that being “too much” isn’t proper. But confidence doesn’t thrive under quiet rules—it grows best where freedom is allowed to exist.
7. “Don’t eat too much—you’ve had enough.”
Food-related comments from a parent cut deep. This one, in particular, connects nourishment with judgement. It sends the message that her appetite or body needs to be managed, monitored, or kept in check, not trusted. That kind of thinking, especially when repeated, can leave a mark that shapes how she relates to her body and food for years.
Even when said out of concern, the impact often lasts. She may grow up feeling disconnected from her body’s needs, or experience shame around eating. That quiet guilt becomes a companion at meals, creating a lifelong internal battle that began with one seemingly simple remark about how full she should be.
8. “You’re too much.”
Too loud. Too energetic. Too opinionated. This tells a girl that her essence is overwhelming or excessive. It doesn’t feel like feedback; it feels like being asked to dim her light. And when it comes from her mother, it hits even harder.
In time, she may learn to shrink parts of herself that used to come naturally. She might second-guess her excitement, downplay her successes, or hold back ideas. Instead of learning to embrace her presence, she learns to tone it down for other people’s comfort, and that habit can be hard to break.
9. “No one likes a show-off.”
This might be meant to encourage humility, but it often teaches girls to hide their achievements. It sends the message that taking up space, or expressing pride in what you’ve done, is somehow off-putting.
She may learn that success needs to be quiet, or that standing out invites disapproval. Instead of celebrating herself, she keeps her wins small or secret. But self-confidence grows from the inside out, and being proud of your efforts is part of that process, not a flaw to be corrected.
10. “You’re being dramatic.”
When a girl hears this often, she begins to believe that expressing strong emotion makes her ridiculous or unreasonable. It minimises her experience and discourages her from sharing what’s real. She’s taught that calm is correct, and anything else is exaggerated.
This doesn’t just hurt in the moment; it creates long-term patterns of emotional suppression. As she grows, she might silence herself in relationships or doubt her instincts during conflict. Down the line, that inner silencing gnaws away at her ability to trust her own experience, and that kind of second-guessing stifles confidence from the inside.
11. “You’ll never be able to do that.”
Sometimes said out of worry, fear, or a desire to “be realistic,” this phrase can land like a closed door. It teaches a girl to limit her dreams before she’s even had the chance to explore them. Doubt from a parent can feel like truth, even when it’s not.
She might stop herself from trying new things, not because she lacks ambition, but because she’s internalised that she’s probably going to fail. Those words linger, reshaping what she believes is possible. And once self-belief is shaken, rebuilding it takes far longer than most people realise.
12. “You look better when you smile.”
It might sound like a compliment, but it implies that her neutral face—or authentic feelings—aren’t good enough. It teaches her that presentation matters more than presence, and that looking pleasant is a priority even when she’s not feeling it.
As time goes on, she may start to feel responsible for keeping things light, cheerful, or pretty for other people’s comfort. She might hide discomfort behind a grin, worrying that anything less will be judged. And slowly, her confidence becomes tied not to how she feels, but to how she looks to the outside world.
13. “Don’t embarrass me.”
Even if it’s said in a joking tone, this phrase tells a girl that her behaviour reflects on someone else, and that she needs to perform in a way that protects that image. It links approval with presentation, and it creates an early lesson in perfectionism.
She might start feeling pressure to manage how others see her or avoid risks that could make her stand out. That fear of embarrassment doesn’t just impact childhood; it can follow her into adulthood, keeping her cautious, apologetic, and always editing herself in public.
14. “You’re fine. Stop crying.”
Intended as comfort, this comment can feel like dismissal. It sends the message that her pain is inconvenient or exaggerated. Eventually, it teaches her to question whether her emotional needs are valid.
She may start to bottle up sadness, deny when she’s hurting, or feel ashamed for needing support. Confidence includes knowing your emotions are worth honouring—and when that’s discouraged early, it can take years to reconnect with that sense of emotional permission.
15. “You should be grateful; you have nothing to complain about.”
This message might come from a place of perspective, but it often silences rather than soothes. It suggests that unless things are terrible, her struggles don’t count. That discomfort only matters in extreme circumstances.
She might grow up believing her pain is trivial, leading her to downplay emotions, avoid asking for help, or feel guilty for feeling anything at all. Gratitude is powerful, but it should never be used to shame someone out of expressing what’s real.
