To women, men can sometimes seem like creatures from another planet.
However, they’re not all that difficult to understand — you just have to be willing to pay attention. Here are some things the men I’ve spoken to have told me they want women to know about them. The more we do, the easier our relationships will be.
1. Men are not mind readers.
Contrary to popular belief, men cannot read your thoughts or decipher your subtle hints. If you want something, you need to communicate it directly and clearly. Don’t expect him to just “know” what you need or want. Men appreciate straightforward communication, and they’ll respect you more for being upfront about your needs and desires. Hinting, pouting, or playing games will only lead to confusion and frustration on both sides.
2. Men need respect as much as love.
For men, respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship. They need to feel like their opinions, feelings, and contributions are valued and appreciated. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything he says or does, but it does mean treating him with basic dignity and consideration. Belittling, emasculating, or constantly criticising a man is a guaranteed way to destroy his trust and affection. Show him respect, and he’ll show you love in return.
3. Men are visual creatures.
It’s no secret that men are more visually stimulated than women. They’re wired to respond to physical beauty and sexual imagery in a way that women simply aren’t. This doesn’t mean all men are shallow or only care about looks, but it does mean that visual attraction plays a big role in their romantic and sexual interests. Taking care of your appearance and putting effort into looking good for your man can go a long way in keeping the spark alive.
4. Men need alone time.
Source: Unsplash Just like women, men need time to themselves to recharge, pursue their interests, and decompress from the stresses of daily life. This doesn’t mean he’s pulling away from you or doesn’t enjoy your company. It just means he values his independence and needs space to be his own person. Encourage him to pursue his hobbies and friendships, and don’t take it personally when he needs some solo time. A confident, self-assured man is a more attractive and fulfilling partner.
5. Men want to feel needed and useful.
Source: Unsplash Despite the stereotype of the “strong, silent type,” men have a deep-seated need to feel needed and useful in their relationships. They want to be the hero, the problem-solver, the protector. This doesn’t mean you have to be a damsel in distress or pretend to be helpless. But letting him know that you value his strengths and appreciate his contributions can make him feel more connected and invested in the relationship.
6. Men express love through actions, not just words.
Source: Unsplash Men are often less verbally expressive than women when it comes to emotions and affection. They might not constantly say “I love you” or gush about their feelings. But that doesn’t mean they don’t care. Men often express love through actions — doing things for you, spending quality time together, being physically affectionate. Pay attention to the ways he shows up for you and expresses his love, even if it’s not always in the form of flowery words.
7. Men are not always ready to talk about their feelings.
Source: Unsplash Men are often socialised to suppress their emotions and be “tough.” This can make it difficult for them to open up and talk about their feelings, even with a trusted partner. If your man seems reluctant to have deep emotional conversations, don’t push him or make him feel inadequate. Create a safe, non-judgmental space for him to share when he’s ready, and be patient with his process. Vulnerability takes time and trust.
8. Men need to feel like they’re making you happy.
Source: Unsplash For many men, one of their biggest sources of pride and fulfilment is knowing that they’re making their partner happy. They want to feel like they’re adding value to your life and contributing to your overall well-being. If you’re constantly complaining, nagging, or expressing dissatisfaction, he may start to feel like a failure or a burden. Make sure to express gratitude for the things he does right and let him know how much you appreciate him.
9. Men are not always confident.
Source: Unsplash Despite the “macho” stereotype, men are not always the swaggering, self-assured creatures they’re often portrayed as. They have insecurities, doubts, and vulnerabilities just like women do. They might worry about their appearance, their career, their sexual performance, or their place in the world. Be sensitive to his self-esteem and don’t assume he’s always feeling on top of his game. A little reassurance and validation can go a long way.
10. Men need novelty and excitement.
Source: Unsplash Men are often wired for novelty and adventure. They crave new experiences, challenges, and stimulation. This doesn’t mean you have to constantly be jumping out of aeroplanes or trying exotic new positions in the bedroom (although those things can certainly help). But it does mean being open to trying new things together, shaking up your routine, and keeping things fresh and exciting. A little spontaneity and creativity can help keep the spark alive.
11. Men are not always thinking about physical intimacy.
Source: Unsplash Contrary to popular belief, men are not constantly thinking about hitting the bedroom every seven seconds (or whatever that bogus statistic is). They have rich inner lives, diverse interests, and complex thoughts and feelings that go way beyond just physical intimacy. Don’t assume that every gesture or comment is a sexual come-on, and don’t reduce him to a walking hormone. Treat him like a whole person with a multifaceted mind and heart.
12. Men need to feel like they’re pleasing you.
Source: Unsplash That being said, men do place a high value on satisfaction and performance in the bedroom. They want to feel like they’re rocking your world and giving you the kind of pleasure you crave. This can sometimes lead to performance anxiety or a fear of not measuring up. Be open and communicative about your sexual needs and desires, and give him positive feedback when he’s hitting the right spots. A confident, satisfied man is a happier and more attentive partner.
13. Men are not always looking for a relationship.
Source: Unsplash Not every man you meet is going to be interested in a long-term, committed partnership. Some guys are just looking for casual fun, some are focused on their career or personal growth, and some simply aren’t ready for the responsibilities of a serious relationship. Don’t assume that every flirtation or date is a step towards happily ever after. Be upfront about your own intentions and expectations, and don’t try to force a relationship if he’s not on the same page.
14. Men need encouragement and positive reinforcement.
Source: Unsplash Just like women, men thrive on praise, compliments, and positive feedback. They need to feel like their efforts are noticed and appreciated, whether it’s in their career, their hobbies, or their personal relationships. Don’t be stingy with your encouragement and affirmation. Let him know when he’s doing something right, and celebrate his successes and achievements. A little ego boost can go a long way in making him feel valued and motivated.
15. Men are not always the enemy.
Source: Unsplash In today’s climate of gender politics and #MeToo, it can be easy to fall into an “us vs. them” mentality when it comes to men and women. But the truth is, most men are not predators, misogynists, or oppressors. They’re human beings with their own struggles, fears, and desires, just trying to navigate the complexities of modern masculinity. Don’t vilify or stereotype all men based on the actions of a few. Approach each individual with an open mind and a willingness to see their humanity.
16. Men are ultimately looking for a partner, not a project.
At the end of the day, what most men really want is a true partner — someone who will stand by their side, support their dreams, and love them for who they are. They’re not looking for someone to fix them, change them, or mould them into something they’re not. They want a woman who is confident, self-assured, and capable of being her own person. Focus on being the best version of yourself, and the right man will be drawn to your authenticity and strength.
