Chores might seem like a simple part of daily life, but the way we relate to them starts early.
For many men, the household habits and expectations they grew up around have a lasting influence—not just on what they do, but how they feel about doing it. Here are some common childhood experiences that often impact how men view pitching in with housework in adulthood, sometimes without even realising it.
1. Being praised for doing the bare minimum
If a boy grew up getting applause for washing a single dish or putting his clothes in the hamper, he might carry that into adulthood. The bar was low, and the praise was high—so later on, basic contribution still feels like a big deal. This sets up a dynamic where effort gets overcredited, instead of just being expected as part of running a house that they live in, too.
2. Seeing chores as “helping” rather than participating
Lots of men were raised to believe that household work was their mum’s responsibility—and anything they did was framed as assistance, not ownership. So even as adults, they might talk about “helping out” instead of just doing their part. This subtle language reinforces the idea that the home isn’t their responsibility—it’s someone else’s they occasionally step into.
3. Being given “boy chores” instead of ones everyone else does
Taking out the bins, mowing the lawn, fixing things—boys were often given the more occasional or external jobs. They weren’t asked to clean bathrooms, fold laundry, or do the deeper daily stuff. As a result, those kinds of tasks never felt like their domain. Later in life, this can make certain chores feel foreign, uncomfortable, or somehow “not theirs”—when really, they’re just equally part of life.
4. Watching women carry the mental load
Even in households where dads pitched in physically, the invisible work—meal planning, remembering appointments, knowing where everything is—was usually done by women. That division often goes unnoticed by kids. This leads to men entering adult life unaware of just how much there is to track behind the scenes. It’s not laziness—it’s conditioning. But it still has an impact.
5. Growing up with jokes that dismissed domestic work
TV shows, locker room banter, and even casual family jokes often framed chores as nagging, boring, or unmanly. Cleaning wasn’t something to take pride in—it was something to avoid, laugh about, or delegate. Those messages don’t just fade with age. They linger in how chores feel emotionally, like a burden rather than a basic shared responsibility.
6. Watching women clean before guests came over
In a lot of families, the woman of the house kicked into high gear before visitors arrived, while the men stayed relaxed. That routine quietly taught boys that presentation and cleanliness were “her thing,” not theirs to stress about. Later on, this might show up as not noticing mess, not anticipating needs, or wondering why their partner is always in cleaning mode before company comes over.
7. Not being expected to notice what needs doing
If no one ever said, “Hey, look around and see what needs doing,” they might never have developed that muscle. They were told what to do, not taught how to observe, anticipate, or take initiative. This creates adults who wait for instructions rather than jumping in—because their role was always reactive, not proactive.
8. Seeing mothers overextend without complaint
Source: Unsplash Many boys grew up watching their mums do everything—quietly, endlessly, without expecting help. And when they did ask for support, it was often met with resistance, eye-rolls, or silence. This created a false norm: that women just naturally handle it all. And if it never seemed like a problem back then, it’s easy to overlook how unbalanced it really was.
9. Being let off the hook “because boys will be boys”
Messy room? Brushed off. Forgetting chores? No big deal. A lot of boys weren’t held to the same domestic standards as their sisters. That double standard sent a message: some responsibilities just don’t apply to you. That idea can follow them into adulthood, where habits formed by early leniency clash with real-life partnership expectations.
10. Never being taught how to do things properly
Sometimes, boys weren’t expected to clean or cook—not because they weren’t allowed, but because no one ever showed them how. Or worse, when they tried, they were told they were doing it wrong and asked to stop. This leads to adults who feel awkward or unsure around basic household tasks. They do care, they just never learned differently.
11. Seeing housework as emotionally one-sided
In many homes, chores were connected to guilt, frustration, or nagging, but only on one side. Boys watched their mothers get emotionally depleted by the workload, while their fathers were distant or uninvolved. That disconnect taught them that housework is a source of stress, but not their stress to carry. It built emotional distance from something they were part of, even if they didn’t realise it.
12. Being praised for effort instead of consistency
When boys did something around the house, the focus was often on the effort: “Thanks for doing that, that was really helpful.” The message became, if you try hard once, you’re amazing. If you forget five times after, no big deal. Consistency never got the spotlight, but in adult life, it’s consistency—not the one-off effort—that actually makes partnerships feel balanced.
13. Growing up with models of gendered labour
Even if no one said it directly, a lot of boys watched how things were split: Dad did the finances, Mum did the kitchen. One parent fixed things, the other organised life. Those patterns become internalised even in the most modern-seeming homes. Without questioning it, it’s easy to repeat those roles, even if they’re outdated or unfair. Familiar doesn’t always mean functional.
14. Never learning to associate care with cleaning
Girls are often taught that cleaning is an act of love. Boys are often taught it’s just a task to get through. So it makes sense that some men don’t link chores with care for other people. It’s never been framed that way for them. However, in healthy relationships, cleaning up isn’t just about hygiene—it’s about contribution. It’s about saying, “This space matters because you matter.” And that’s something worth unlearning and relearning.
