Infidelity isn’t always a clear-cut issue. It’s a complex mix of emotions, circumstances, and personal choices.
While there’s no single “type” who cheats, some factors and behaviours can make it more likely. Here are some of them so you can better understand the psychology behind infidelity and potentially strengthen your own relationships.
1. You struggle with emotional intimacy and vulnerability.
Source: Unsplash Healthy relationships thrive on emotional connection. If you find it hard to open up, share your true feelings, or be vulnerable with your partner, it can create distance and lead to dissatisfaction. This emotional disconnect can make you more susceptible to seeking that intimacy elsewhere. If this resonates, consider exploring ways to deepen your emotional bond with your partner through open communication and shared experiences.
2. You constantly crave novelty and excitement.
The initial spark of a new relationship is thrilling, but it naturally fades over time. If you constantly chase that initial high, you might be tempted to seek it outside your current relationship. Instead, try finding ways to infuse your existing relationship with novelty. Explore new hobbies together, plan surprise dates, or simply make time for each other amidst life’s chaos. A little effort can go a long way in rekindling the spark.
3. You feel unheard or unappreciated in your relationship.
Feeling undervalued or taken for granted can breed resentment and leave you longing for validation elsewhere. Open communication is key here. Express your needs and concerns to your partner honestly and without blame. Work together to address any imbalances in the relationship and ensure that both of you feel heard, appreciated, and valued.
4. You have unresolved past trauma or attachment issues.
Past experiences, especially those involving betrayal or neglect, can shape how we relate to people. If you have unresolved trauma or attachment issues, you might find it difficult to trust, commit, or feel secure in your relationships. This can increase the risk of seeking validation or connection elsewhere. If this resonates with you, seeking therapy can be a helpful way to address these underlying issues and develop healthier relationship patterns.
5. You’re going through a major life transition or crisis.
Times of significant change or upheaval, such as job loss, illness, or grief, can strain relationships and leave you feeling vulnerable. You might seek comfort or distraction in the arms of another. During these difficult periods, it’s important to lean on your support system, communicate openly with your partner, and seek professional help if needed. Remember, you’re not alone in facing life’s challenges.
6. You have unrealistic expectations of love and relationships.
Romantic comedies and fairy tales can create unrealistic expectations of what love and relationships should look like. If you believe in the myth of “the one” or expect your partner to fulfil all your needs, you might be more prone to disappointment and disillusionment. It’s important to have realistic expectations and understand that every relationship has its ups and downs. Focus on building a partnership based on mutual respect, trust, and open communication.
7. You have a pattern of avoiding conflict or difficult conversations.
Avoiding conflict might seem like a way to maintain peace, but it can actually create distance and resentment in a relationship. If you bottle up your feelings or avoid addressing issues that are bothering you, they can fester and lead to disconnection. Learn to communicate openly and honestly with your partner, even when it’s difficult. Addressing issues head-on can strengthen your bond and prevent misunderstandings that could lead to infidelity.
8. You feel disconnected from your partner’s life and interests.
Over time, couples can drift apart as their individual interests and priorities evolve. If you feel like you and your partner are living parallel lives, with little shared interests or activities, it can create a sense of loneliness and disconnection. Make an effort to reconnect with your partner by exploring new hobbies together, planning regular date nights, or simply spending quality time talking and catching up. Shared experiences can strengthen your bond and reignite the spark in your relationship.
9. You have a tendency to idealise or fantasise about other people.
It’s natural to find other people attractive or interesting, but if you constantly fantasise about being with someone else or idealise them as the perfect partner, it can create dissatisfaction in your current relationship. Remember, everyone has flaws and imperfections, and the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Focus on appreciating your partner’s strengths and working together to build a stronger connection.
10. You have a history of impulsivity or risk-taking behaviour.
If you tend to act on impulse without considering the consequences, you might be more likely to make impulsive decisions in your relationships as well. This could manifest as flirting with other people, engaging in risky online behaviour, or even acting on a fleeting attraction. If you recognise this tendency in yourself, it’s important to develop self-awareness and self-control. Practice pausing before making decisions, considering the potential consequences of your actions, and communicating openly with your partner about any temptations or concerns you might have.
11. You’re surrounded by people who are unfaithful.
The people we surround ourselves with can influence our own behaviours and beliefs. If your friends or colleagues engage in infidelity or normalise cheating, it can subconsciously affect your own attitudes towards monogamy and commitment. If you’re concerned about the influence of your social circle, try to surround yourself with people who value honesty, loyalty, and healthy relationships. Their positive examples can reinforce your own commitment to fidelity.
12. You have a strong need for independence and autonomy.
While a healthy dose of independence is important in any relationship, an excessive need for autonomy can create distance and hinder emotional intimacy. If you value your independence to the point of avoiding commitment or prioritising your own needs above your partner’s, it can create an environment where infidelity is more likely to occur. Finding a balance between independence and interdependence is key to building a strong and fulfilling relationship.
13. You have unresolved issues with your parents or early caregivers.
Our early experiences with the people who raised us can shape our attachment styles and influence how we relate to other people in adulthood. If you had insecure attachments in childhood, you might struggle with trust, intimacy, and commitment in your adult relationships. These unresolved issues can create a fertile ground for infidelity, since you might seek validation or security outside of your relationship. Seeking therapy can be a helpful way to explore these patterns and develop healthier attachment styles.
14. You have a tendency to blame everyone else for your problems.
If you have a habit of blaming your partner or external circumstances for your unhappiness or dissatisfaction, it can prevent you from taking responsibility for your own actions and choices. This lack of accountability can make it easier to justify infidelity as a way to escape from problems or seek happiness elsewhere. It’s important to recognise that you have the power to make choices and create positive change in your life, rather than relying on other people to make you happy.
15. You lack a strong sense of self-worth and self-love.
A lack of self-worth can lead to seeking validation and affection from external sources, making you more susceptible to infidelity. If you don’t believe you deserve love and respect, you might settle for less than you deserve in your relationships or seek validation through affairs. Building self-esteem and self-love is crucial for healthy relationships. Focus on your strengths, practice self-care, and surround yourself with positive and supportive people. Remember, you are worthy of love and happiness.
