Looking back, some childhood behaviours just make sense now.
At the time, they might have seemed like quirks, intense interests, or unexplained feelings, but in hindsight, they were flashing neon signs pointing to a different path. Many LGBTQIA+ people realise later in life that certain things they did, felt, or fixated on as kids were actually early clues about their sexuality. It usually had little to do with romantic attraction; it could have been how they related to certain characters, their emotional intensity in friendships, or even their resistance to traditional gender roles. If you’ve ever had an “oh, that explains a lot” moment about your younger self, here are some things you might have experienced that pointed to queerness before you ever even realised it.
1. Getting a little too invested in certain fictional characters
Lots of kids have favourite TV characters, but some kids developed deep, unexplainable attachments to specific ones, often of the same gender. Whether it was watching their scenes over and over, feeling weirdly affected by them, or just sensing an emotional pull that was stronger than normal admiration, this was often an early sign.
For some, these characters weren’t just entertaining; they were sources of connection, longing, or something that couldn’t quite be put into words yet. The crush wasn’t obvious at the time, but looking back, it was there.
2. Confusing admiration for wanting to be like them
Many queer kids had that one person they looked up to a little too much. Maybe it was an older student, a celebrity, or even a teacher—someone who made them feel nervous, excited, and overly focused in a way that seemed like pure admiration. At the time, the explanation was simple: “I just really, really want to be their best friend.” But in reality, it was probably an early crush, just without the vocabulary to recognise it.
3. Feeling disconnected from straight romance
As kids, people often get asked, “Who’s your crush?” or “Which boy/girl do you like?” For many who weren’t straight, these questions felt confusing or forced. Some went along with it, picking someone at random to avoid awkwardness. Others just didn’t get why their classmates were so obsessed with crushes and relationships. Either way, it often felt like watching a play where everyone else knew their lines, but you never got the script.
4. Having intense friendships
Best friendships are normal in childhood, but for many queer kids, some friendships were different. These friendships weren’t just about hanging out; they were emotionally overwhelming, sometimes obsessive, and often filled with jealousy when the other person got close to someone else. At the time, it felt like deep platonic love. Looking back, it was probably something closer to romantic attraction—just hidden under the safe label of “best friends.”
5. Being weirdly aware of gender roles
Even as kids, many LGBTQIA+ people sensed that gender roles didn’t quite fit them. Whether it was resisting traditional expectations, feeling discomfort with how they were supposed to behave, or envying the way other people got to present themselves, there was always a subtle disconnect.
For some, this meant pushing against these roles and being labelled a “tomboy” or “too sensitive.” For others, it meant following the rules, but feeling like something wasn’t quite right. Either way, traditional expectations never sat comfortably.
6. Overcompensating with exaggerated straightness
Some kids got the sense early on that they were different and, instead of embracing it, they leaned hard into performing straightness. For some, this meant loudly declaring crushes on the opposite gender, even when there wasn’t much interest. For others, it meant avoiding anything that might be seen as “gay,” even if it was something they genuinely enjoyed. It was an unconscious attempt to blend in, but looking back, the effort itself was a pretty big clue.
7. Feeling weirdly emotional over certain songs
Some songs just hit differently, even before the lyrics fully made sense. Songs about longing, hiding feelings, or love that couldn’t be expressed openly felt strangely personal. At the time, it just seemed like being extra dramatic. Later on, it became clear that those lyrics weren’t just relatable in a general way—they were speaking to something deeper that hadn’t fully surfaced yet.
8. Getting oddly defensive when people assumed you were straight
Before even understanding sexuality, some kids felt a quiet resistance to being automatically grouped into straight culture. Whether it was jokes about “future husbands and wives” or relatives assuming certain crushes, there was a vague discomfort that didn’t quite have words yet. It wasn’t necessarily about knowing you were different—it was just the feeling that something about these assumptions didn’t sit right.
9. Becoming hyper-fixated on certain celebrities
Lots of kids idolise celebrities, but some weren’t just casual fans—they were full-on obsessed, often with people of the same gender. Whether it was an athlete, musician, or actress, the fascination went beyond just liking their work.
It was wanting to know everything about them, feeling a rush whenever they appeared on screen, and possibly getting unreasonably emotional over their love life. At the time, it felt like admiration, but later it became clear—this was a crush in disguise.
10. Feeling a little too invested in fictional relationships
Some kids didn’t just like TV romances—they were emotionally involved. Whether it was shipping characters, obsessing over certain moments, or getting unreasonably annoyed when a same-gender pair didn’t become canon, it meant more than just liking the show. For many, this was the first safe way to explore attraction without realising it. Fictional characters provided an outlet for emotions that felt confusing in real life.
11. Feeling completely different from “normal” kids
Even without fully understanding why, some kids just knew they didn’t fit into the standard mould. The way classmates talked about crushes, their future, or even just gender norms felt foreign. It wasn’t necessarily a sad feeling, just an awareness of being on a slightly different path, even if the reason wasn’t clear yet.
12. Feeling nervous around certain people
Ever had that one person who made you feel awkward, flustered, or overly aware of yourself? Maybe it was a classmate, a friend’s older sibling, or even a teacher—someone whose presence made you act differently. At the time, it just felt like nerves. Later, it became clear—this was a crush before recognising what a crush actually felt like.
13. Trying to explain away feelings with “logical” reasons
“I don’t like her; I just think she’s really, really cool and want to be around her all the time. I don’t like him; I just admire him so much that I can’t stop thinking about him.” Many people rationalised early attractions with innocent explanations, only to realise later that the feelings were exactly what they thought they weren’t.
14. Realising later that it was obvious
At the time, everything felt normal. But looking back, the signs were everywhere. The intense friendships, the obsessions, the discomfort with straight expectations—it was all right there. It just took time to fully understand what it all meant. For a lot of people, these moments were the first quiet hints of self-discovery. The clues were always there, even before they were ready to see them.
