“Man up” is one of those phrases that carries a lot of weight — mostly unnecessary and outdated.
It implies there’s only one way to be a man, and anything else falls short. It’s an off-shoot of toxic masculinity, but times are changing, and there’s no reason to sit quietly when someone tries to throw this your way. Here are some smart, assertive, and new responses you can use the next time someone tells you to “man up.”
1. “What does that even mean to you?”
This is a simple but effective way to turn the conversation back on them. Most people who say “man up” probably haven’t really thought about what it means. By asking them to explain, you get them to pause and reflect on how vague or unrealistic the phrase is. Their response, if they have one, will likely show how shallow the statement is, and you get to make your point without escalating things into an argument.
2. “How about I just be myself instead?”
This is a direct, no-nonsense reply that reaffirms your right to be yourself. It challenges the outdated idea that men have to act a certain way, just because society says so. You’re not being aggressive; you’re being confidently authentic. It also subtly points out how unnecessary and restrictive their expectation is, all while keeping things calm and composed.
3. “I didn’t realise emotions were optional.”
If someone throws “man up” at you because you’re expressing emotion, this comeback hits hard. It reminds the person that emotions are a normal and healthy part of being human — something everyone experiences, men included. It’s a clever way to challenge the stereotype without being confrontational. It also helps you stay true to yourself and shows that emotional expression is not a weakness.
4. “Strength comes in many forms, not just silence.”
Here’s a way to redefine strength in a healthier, more modern light. It pushes back against the notion that men should suppress their struggles. It also gives more credit to resilience in its various forms, including vulnerability, kindness, and perseverance. You’re offering a more inclusive view of strength that doesn’t require silence or bottling things up.
5. “Do you think that’s actually helpful?”
Source: Unsplash “Man up” is rarely a helpful or constructive comment, and this question calls that out directly. It makes them think about whether their words are really adding value to the conversation or if they’re just passing judgement. Often, people don’t realise how dismissive or harmful phrases like that can be, so this question makes them reflect on the impact of their words without getting defensive.
6. “Let’s unpack that — what does ‘man up’ mean to you?”
Source: Unsplash This is a more conversational way to challenge their statement without outright rejecting it. By showing interest in understanding their view, you create space for a more meaningful discussion. Many people haven’t actually considered the implications of phrases like this, so your curiosity might open up a more thoughtful conversation about outdated gender roles.
7. “Last I checked, being human wasn’t a gendered concept.”
A witty comeback that cuts right through the nonsense. This highlights how emotions, struggles, and vulnerabilities don’t belong to any one gender. It’s a polite but firm reminder that being human isn’t about fitting a specific stereotype. Plus, it shows confidence in your perspective and keeps things calm without letting anyone get away with making sweeping generalisations.
8. “I’ll choose my own definition of manhood, thanks.”
This is an assertive yet relaxed response that reminds the other person that you define what it means to be a man in your own terms. It rejects the idea that anyone else should get to decide how you should behave. By standing firm in your own self-definition, you show that their input isn’t needed or welcomed. It’s about asserting your autonomy in the conversation while staying respectful.
9. “Would you say that to a woman?”
This is a pointed question that brings the double standard into focus. It encourages them to think about whether they would use the same phrase in a different context. It’s a clever way to shine a light on the unfairness of applying such expectations to men, and it flips the focus away from you and onto the larger issue at hand. It’s a bold, thought-provoking response that gets to the heart of the matter without escalating things.
10. “Toxic masculinity called — it wants its phrase back.”
This one is both sharp and humorous, calling out the outdated nature of “man up” in a way that’s direct but still laid-back. By making a joke of it, you keep the mood from getting too tense, while still making your point clear. It also draws attention to the bigger societal issue, encouraging reflection without sounding overly combative. Sometimes, a little humour is all you need to make a strong statement.
11. “What exactly are you trying to accomplish here?”
This question forces the person to think about their intentions. Are they trying to motivate you? Criticise you? Or are they just trying to make themselves feel better? Often, the answer isn’t as clear or helpful as they think. This one redirects the conversation and encourages them to think about whether their words are really serving any purpose beyond making a quick judgement.
12. “Real men don’t use clichés like that.”
Sometimes the best way to address a cliché is by pointing out how tired and outdated it is. This one lightly pokes fun at their comment while showing that you’re not interested in conforming to antiquated expectations. It’s a playful yet confident way to push back, letting them know you’re not taking the phrase — or their opinion — too seriously. By keeping the tone light, you avoid escalating the situation unnecessarily.
13. “I’ll handle this in a way that works for me, thanks.”
This response is a calm but firm way of setting a boundary. You’re asserting your right to handle challenges, emotions, or difficulties in the way that works best for you, rather than following some outdated advice. It’s a respectful way to reject unsolicited advice and reinforces your autonomy without creating unnecessary drama.
14. “Real strength isn’t about suppressing emotions.”
This one challenges the core idea behind “man up,” which often implies that men should suppress their emotions and struggles. By reframing strength as something more inclusive — something that allows for vulnerability and emotional expression — you invite the other person to reconsider their views. It’s a respectful way to push back and show that true strength comes from being emotionally aware and resilient.
