While a narcissist might initially charm you with their charisma and attention, their true colours eventually emerge.
It’s important to understand the tactics they use to manipulate and control, not to demonise them, but to protect yourself and heal from the pain they cause. Here are some of the most hurtful things a narcissist might do to you.
1. They constantly criticise and belittle you.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists have an uncanny ability to chip away at your self-esteem. They’ll make subtle digs at your appearance, intelligence, or choices, gradually eroding your confidence. They might disguise these criticisms as “jokes” or “constructive feedback,” but their true intention is to make you feel inferior and dependent on their approval.
2. They gaslight you, making you doubt your own reality.
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that involves twisting your perception of events or denying your feelings. A narcissist might tell you that you’re overreacting, that you’re imagining things, or that they never said or did something you clearly remember. This can leave you feeling confused, disoriented, and doubting your own sanity.
3. They withhold affection and attention as a form of punishment.
Narcissists often use affection and attention as a means of control. They might shower you with love and compliments one moment, only to withdraw and become cold and distant the next. This hot-and-cold behaviour can leave you feeling anxious, insecure, and constantly striving to please them.
4. They project their own flaws and insecurities onto you.
Narcissists are masters of projection. They’ll accuse you of the very things they’re guilty of, deflecting blame and avoiding accountability. This can be incredibly confusing and frustrating, as you find yourself defending against accusations that are completely unfounded.
5. They isolate you from your friends and family.
Narcissists often try to isolate you from your support system. They might criticise your loved ones, discourage you from spending time with them, or even create drama that drives a wedge between you. This isolation leaves you vulnerable and dependent on them, making it harder to leave the toxic relationship.
6. They use your vulnerabilities against you.
Narcissists are skilled at identifying your weaknesses and insecurities. They might use this knowledge to manipulate you, exploit your fears, or trigger your emotional wounds. This can leave you feeling exposed, betrayed, and deeply hurt.
7. They make you feel like you’re never good enough.
No matter what you do, a narcissist will always find a way to make you feel inadequate. They might set impossible standards, constantly move the goalposts, or compare you unfavourably to other people. This constant criticism can destroy your self-esteem and leave you feeling worthless.
8. They take credit for your accomplishments and blame you for their failures.
Narcissists crave recognition and admiration, and they’ll often steal the spotlight from your achievements. They might downplay your contributions, take credit for your ideas, or simply ignore your successes altogether. Conversely, they’ll readily blame you for their own failures, deflecting responsibility and maintaining their inflated ego.
9. They disregard your boundaries and needs.
Narcissists have a way of bulldozing through your boundaries like they don’t even exist. They might dismiss your feelings, ignore your requests, or pressure you to do things you’re not comfortable with. They prioritise their own needs and desires, often at your expense, leaving you feeling unheard and disregarded.
10. They engage in manipulative love-bombing.
At the beginning of the relationship, narcissists often engage in love-bombing, showering you with attention, affection, and gifts. This intense display of adoration can be intoxicating, making you feel cherished and desired. However, it’s often a manipulative tactic to lure you in and gain control over your emotions.
11. They play the victim, even when they’re the aggressor.
Narcissists are experts at playing the victim role. Even when they’ve clearly wronged you, they’ll twist the narrative to make themselves appear innocent and blameless. They might accuse you of being overly sensitive, demanding, or unreasonable, shifting the focus away from their own harmful behaviour.
12. They engage in silent treatment and emotional withholding.
When you don’t comply with their wishes or challenge their authority, narcissists might resort to silent treatment or emotional withholding. They’ll shut down communication, ignore your attempts to reconcile, and leave you feeling anxious and rejected. This is a form of emotional manipulation designed to make you feel powerless and desperate for their approval.
13. They try to control every aspect of your life.
Narcissists crave control and power, and they’ll often try to micromanage every aspect of your life. They might dictate what you wear, who you spend time with, or even how you think and feel. This controlling behaviour can be suffocating and can strip you of your autonomy and individuality.
14. They lie and deceive without remorse.
Narcissists are notorious liars. They might lie about their past, their feelings, or their intentions. They might even lie about seemingly trivial things, just to maintain control or keep you off balance. This dishonesty can ruin trust and make you feel constantly uncertain and insecure.
15. They engage in triangulation to create jealousy and insecurity.
Triangulation is a manipulative tactic where a narcissist introduces a third person into the relationship to create jealousy and insecurity. They might flirt with other people in front of you, talk about their exes, or even manufacture scenarios that make you doubt their loyalty. This is a way to keep you on edge and constantly vying for their attention.
16. They discard you abruptly and without explanation.
When a narcissist has drained you of your energy, resources, and self-worth, they might discard you without warning or explanation. They might suddenly ghost you, end the relationship via text, or simply move on to a new target. This abrupt rejection can leave you feeling devastated, confused, and utterly worthless.
17. They hoover you back in, only to repeat the cycle of abuse.
Even after discarding you, a narcissist might try to hoover you back into their life. They might apologise, promise to change, or shower you with attention and affection. However, this is usually just a temporary tactic to regain control and resume their manipulative behaviour. Once they’ve sucked you back in, the cycle of abuse will likely start all over again, leaving you even more broken and traumatised than before.
