Childhood trauma leaves deep wounds that can last a lifetime if left unaddressed.
Even if someone seems to have their life together on the surface, unresolved trauma can manifest in all sorts of troubling ways. If you suspect that a loved one is struggling with the aftermath of a difficult childhood, it’s important to recognise the signs. Only by acknowledging the problem can they begin to heal and move forward.
1. They struggle with emotional regulation.
People with unresolved childhood trauma often have difficulty managing their emotions. As the National Child Traumatic Stress Network explains, they may experience intense mood swings, flying into rages or dissolving into tears at the slightest provocation. This emotional volatility can be exhausting for both them and those around them. It’s a sign that they never learned healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with stress and adversity.
2. They have difficulty forming healthy relationships.
Source: Unsplash Trauma survivors often struggle to form secure, healthy attachments with other people. They may have trouble trusting people, fearing abandonment or betrayal at every turn. Alternatively, they may cling too tightly to partners or friends, suffocating them with neediness. These attachment issues stem from early experiences of neglect, abuse, or inconsistent caregiving.
3. They engage in self-destructive behaviours.
Source: Unsplash People with unresolved trauma may turn to self-destructive behaviours as a way to cope with their pain. They may abuse alcohol or drugs, engage in risky sexual behaviour, or self-harm through cutting or other means. These behaviours provide temporary relief from emotional distress, but ultimately only compound their problems.
4. They have a distorted sense of self.
Source: Unsplash Childhood trauma can warp a person’s self-image, leaving them with a deep sense of shame, worthlessness, or self-loathing. They may feel fundamentally flawed or unlovable, even in the face of evidence to the contrary. This distorted sense of self can lead to a host of problems, from chronic low self-esteem to self-sabotage.
5. They struggle with boundaries.
Source: Unsplash Trauma survivors often have difficulty setting and enforcing healthy boundaries. They often let people take advantage of them, tolerating mistreatment or disrespect out of a misplaced sense of obligation or fear of conflict. Alternatively, they may be overly rigid and controlling, erecting impenetrable walls to keep everyone at a distance.
6. They have unexplained physical symptoms.
Source: Unsplash Unresolved trauma can manifest in physical ways, causing unexplained aches, pains, and illnesses. Trauma survivors may experience chronic headaches, digestive problems, or autoimmune disorders with no clear medical cause. These somatic symptoms are the body’s way of expressing unprocessed emotional pain.
7. They struggle with intimacy.
Source: Unsplash People with childhood trauma often have difficulty with intimacy, both emotional and physical. They may fear vulnerability, pushing away anyone who gets too close. Alternatively, they may use sex as a way to gain approval or validation, engaging in promiscuous or risky behaviour. These intimacy issues stem from early experiences of betrayal or violation.
8. They have flashbacks or nightmares.
Source: Unsplash Trauma survivors may experience intrusive memories of their past ordeals, either in the form of flashbacks during waking hours or nightmares during sleep, Psych Central notes. These vivid, visceral recollections can be highly distressing, leaving them feeling trapped in a loop of fear and helplessness. Flashbacks and nightmares are a hallmark of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
9. They struggle with authority figures.
Source: Unsplash People with unresolved childhood trauma may have difficulty relating to authority figures, either rebelling against them or seeking their approval to an unhealthy degree. This conflicted relationship with authority stems from early experiences of powerlessness or betrayal at the hands of caregivers or other trusted adults.
10. They have a heightened startle response.
Source: Unsplash Trauma survivors often have an exaggerated startle response, jumping or flinching at sudden noises or movements. This hypervigilance is a sign that their nervous system is stuck in a state of high alert, constantly scanning for threats. It’s an exhausting way to live, leaving them feeling on edge and unable to relax.
11. They struggle with decision-making.
Source: Unsplash People with unresolved trauma may have difficulty making decisions, paralysed by fear of making the wrong choice. This indecisiveness stems from a lack of trust in their own judgement, rooted in early experiences of having their needs and preferences disregarded or overridden. They may look to other people to make choices for them, or agonise over even small decisions.
12. They have a poor sense of identity.
Source: Unsplash Trauma survivors often struggle to develop a clear and coherent sense of self. They may feel like chameleons, shifting their personality to fit in with other people or to avoid conflict. This lack of a stable identity can leave them feeling lost, confused, and disconnected from their own wants and needs. It’s a sign that their authentic self was suppressed or undermined in childhood.
13. They have a high pain tolerance.
Source: Unsplash People with unresolved trauma may have an unusually high tolerance for physical or emotional pain. They may push themselves to the brink of exhaustion, ignore injuries or illnesses, or stay in harmful situations long past the point where other people would have left. This is not a sign of strength but of a damaged relationship with their own body and needs.
14. They struggle with trust.
Source: Unsplash Trauma survivors often have a deep-seated mistrust of most people, even those who have proven themselves trustworthy. They may constantly second-guess people’s motives, look for hidden agendas, or assume the worst in every situation. This chronic suspiciousness is a defence mechanism, a way to avoid being hurt or betrayed again.
15. They have a profound sense of emptiness.
Source: Unsplash Perhaps the most telling sign of unresolved childhood trauma is a pervasive sense of emptiness or numbness. Trauma survivors may feel disconnected from their own emotions, unable to experience joy or fulfilment. They may go through the motions of life without ever feeling truly alive. This emotional void is a sign that they have yet to process and integrate their painful past experiences.
