Control freaks try to twist everything to get their way. They use sneaky tactics to stay in charge, and it’s super frustrating to deal with. Understanding how they operate helps you recognize those tricks and stop them from manipulating you.
1. They micromanage every single detail.
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Control freaks thrive on having everything meticulously organized and under their supervision, Forbes notes. From household chores to work projects, they insist on overseeing every aspect, which leaves no room for autonomy or spontaneity. Their need for control often stems from deep-seated insecurity and fear of uncertainty.
2. They use guilt-tripping and emotional manipulation.
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Using guilt as a weapon, control freaks play on other people’s emotions to bend them to their will. Whether through passive-aggressive remarks or exaggerated displays of distress, their goal is to coerce compliance and stay in the driver’s seat. Their manipulation tactics can create toxic dynamics in relationships, destroying trust and creating resentment.
3. They gaslight and distort reality.
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Control freaks typically twist facts and manipulate perceptions to undermine people’s confidence and assert their dominance. By creating doubt and confusion, they try to control the narrative and avoid accountability for their actions. Gaslighting can be incredibly harmful, making victims question their own sanity and reality. As Medical News Today explains, this is a form of psychological abuse that shouldn’t be taken lightly.
4. They criticize people and undermine their confidence.
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By constantly nitpicking and criticizing, control freaks slowly eat away at people’s self-esteem to reinforce their own superiority. Whether it’s subtle jabs or outright insults, their goal is to keep their victims feeling inadequate and reliant on their guidance. Their criticism is often a reflection of their own insecurities and need for validation, of course, but it’s hard to see that when you’re on the receiving end of their constant jabs.
5. They isolate people from their support systems.
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Control freaks usually try to isolate their targets from friends, family, or other sources of support to maintain control over their lives. As Georgina Dorrington writes on Medium, control freaks hate moving targets, so by keeping you alone and in one place, they can keep you under their thumb more easily. By limiting outside influences, they ensure their dominance remains unchallenged. Isolation tactics can create a sense of dependency and helplessness in their victims.
6. They withhold affection and approval.
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Control freaks dangle affection and approval as rewards or incentives for compliance, essentially using them as bargaining chips. By doling out love and validation selectively, they reinforce dependency and manipulate behaviour. Sadly, their conditional affection creates an unhealthy dynamic of control and submission.
7. They create fake emergencies and crises.
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Control freaks thrive in chaotic environments they can control, often making up emergencies or crises to maintain a sense of power and importance. By keeping the people around them on edge, they assert their authority and manipulate situations to their own advantage. Their manufactured crises distract people from questioning their motives or actions (or make them feel bad about doing so).
8. They play the victim.
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When confronted or challenged, control freaks tend to martyr themselves, portraying themselves as unfairly persecuted or misunderstood. By deflecting responsibility and getting sympathy from people instead, they try to completely avoid accountability for their behaviour. Their victim mentality allows them to avoid taking ownership of their actions and manipulate people’s perceptions.
9. They set unrealistic expectations.
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Control freaks impose impossibly high standards on everyone, setting them up for failure and reinforcing their own sense of superiority, explains Dr. Sharon Martin, LCSW. By demanding perfection, they maintain control over people’s actions and decisions because they can then claim that they know best and that people should do things their way. People in their lives end up feeling like they’re constantly under an enormous amount of pressure, and it’s a lot to deal with.
10. They use intimidation and threats.
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In extreme cases, control freaks sometimes resort to intimidation and threats to assert dominance and to make people too scared to cross them. Whether they do this through overt aggression or subtle coercion, they’ll stop at nothing to make sure they have the upper hand at all times, and because they can be pretty terrifying at their worst, the relationships they have with people tend to be full of fear and submission (on the other person’s behalf).
11. They manipulate information and hold back the truth.
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Control freaks often control what information people get by selectively sharing or withholding truths to manipulate how situations play out and maintain their power. By controlling the narrative, they can shape people’s perceptions and actions to serve their own agenda. This behaviour destroys trust and creates an environment of uncertainty that’s extremely uncomfortable and unnerving to be part of.
12. They exploit vulnerabilities and insecurities.
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After finding out what their victims feel insecure about, control freaks use these weaknesses as leverage to manipulate behaviour and maintain control. By preying on people’s fears and doubts, they reinforce their own dominance and authority. The effect this can have on the victim’s self-esteem and mental and emotional health is staggering.
