Everyone is looking for something different in a relationship, but there are some deal-breakers we can all agree on.
There are certain things you need from a partner to be happy, enjoy a healthy bond, and feel safe and cared for. That doesn’t make you high-maintenance or imply that your expectations are unreasonable (no matter how some of your exes might have wanted you to feel). In reality, you need to be with someone who does these things at the bare minimum, without you having to nag them about it or beg for it. If they don’t, you’re better off without them.
1. They follow through on small promises.
If they say they’ll text you back, they do. If they promise to pick up milk on their way home, it’s in the fridge. These aren’t grand gestures—they’re the small but steady acts that build trust over time. Knowing you can count on someone, even for the everyday stuff, shows you’re with a partner who values reliability. It’s about creating a foundation where their word really means something.
2. They respect what you say “no” to.
When you set a boundary, they don’t push or guilt you into changing it. They don’t pressure you to go out when you need a quiet night in, and they don’t make snide comments when you decide something isn’t for you. Respecting your limits isn’t just polite—it’s a way of showing they see and value you as an individual. It’s in the little things, like asking before making plans that involve you or giving you space when you need it.
3. Nothing makes them happier than seeing you win.
When something good happens in your life, they’re right there celebrating with you. Whether it’s a promotion at work or nailing a new recipe you’ve been practising, their excitement is real. They don’t downplay your achievements or try to make the moment about themselves. Seeing your joy lights them up because they’re secure enough in themselves to cheer you on fully. A partner who’s happy for your happiness is someone who truly has your back.
4. They remember what matters to you.
It’s not just about remembering your birthday—it’s the small, everyday details that show they’re paying attention. They remember that you’re allergic to shellfish, the name of your childhood dog, or the project you’ve been stressing about at work. These moments of thoughtfulness show they’re not just going through the motions; they’re invested in your world and care about what matters to you.
5. They’re upfront about what’s on their mind.
You don’t have to guess how they’re feeling or wonder why they’re upset. They’ll tell you, calmly and directly, when something’s wrong, and they’ll listen just as openly when you need to share. There’s no silent treatment, no passive-aggressive digs, and no emotional games. Clear communication means you can actually work through issues together, instead of dancing around them.
6. They show up during tough times.
Life isn’t always smooth sailing, but they don’t bail when things get hard. Whether you’re facing a stressful week at work, a personal loss, or just an off day, they’re there, asking how they can help or just sitting with you through it. Their willingness to stand by you during the tough moments shows they’re in it for the long haul, not just the good times.
7. They own their mistakes.
When they mess up, they don’t deflect, deny, or blame someone else. They apologise sincerely and show through their actions that they’re working to do better. Accountability doesn’t mean perfection—it’s about respect. A partner who can admit when they’re wrong is someone you can trust to grow alongside you.
8. They make time for you.
No matter how busy life gets, they find ways to make time for you. They never make you feel like it’s inconvenient to squeeze you into their schedule. In fact, they’re showing that they value the relationship enough to create space for it. Whether it’s a quiet night in or a planned weekend adventure, they show that your connection is important to them.
9. They respect your independence.
They don’t feel threatened when you succeed or need time for yourself. Instead, they encourage you to chase your goals and celebrate your achievements. They understand that a healthy relationship doesn’t mean being glued together 24/7—it’s about supporting each other’s growth as individuals. Their confidence in themselves makes room for both of you to thrive.
10. They’re the same person in public and in private.
Their kindness and attentiveness don’t disappear when other people are around. They’re just as thoughtful when it’s the two of you as they are in a group setting. This consistency shows that their feelings are genuine and not performative. It’s reassuring to know they’re not putting on a front—they’re just being themselves, with you and with other people.
11. They see a future with you in it.
When they talk about plans down the road, they naturally include you. They’re not rushing or forcing anything—they’re showing that they see you as part of their life in the long term. Whether it’s discussing a holiday next year or a dream they’re working toward, their inclusion of you speaks volumes about their commitment.
12. They’re kind to service workers.
The way they interact with waiters, shop assistants, and other service workers says a lot about their character. They don’t act entitled or dismissive—they treat people with respect, no matter the context. How they handle these everyday interactions gives you insight into how they’ll treat you, especially during less-than-perfect moments.
13. They maintain strong relationships outside of yours.
They put effort into their friendships and family connections, showing they understand the value of long-term relationships. They’re not relying on you to meet every emotional or social need, which takes the pressure off your relationship. This balance makes them more grounded and capable of nurturing your connection.
14. They share your core values.
You don’t need to agree on every little thing, but on the big stuff—the things that really matter—you’re aligned. Whether it’s about how you approach family, work, or what you value in life, being on the same page helps you move forward together. Shared values mean you’re building toward similar goals.
15. They support your growth.
They’re your biggest cheerleader when you want to take on a new challenge, whether it’s learning a skill, pursuing a passion, or making a big life change. They believe in you and want to see you thrive. Their support helps you take those leaps because you know they’re rooting for you every step of the way.
16. They respect your privacy.
They don’t feel the need to snoop through your phone or poke into every corner of your personal life. They trust you, and they respect your right to have your own space, both physically and emotionally. This level of trust creates a sense of security in the relationship.
17. They choose you daily.
Love isn’t just something they say—it’s in the way they show up daily. Through their actions, their words, and the way they prioritise you, they demonstrate that you matter to them. This steady commitment makes all the difference, reminding you that they’re not just in it when it’s easy but for the long run.
