Most people don’t like conflict, but they understand that sometimes it’s a necessary part of life.
However, some people will go to great lengths to avoid even the slightest bit of unrest, often to their own detriment. While an issue could be solved pretty quickly with an honest (albeit awkward/uncomfortable/heated) conversation, they’d rather let it fester than confront it head-on. Sadly, that’s not the only harmful habit they have.
1. They never give straight answers.
Ever notice how some people always say things like “maybe” or “we’ll see”? Conflict avoiders love keeping things vague to steer clear of taking a firm stand. It can be super frustrating because you never really know what they’re thinking. Over time, this can make it hard to trust them since you can’t pin down where they actually stand on anything. It’s like trying to nail jelly to a wall.
2. They agree with you, even when they secretly disagree.
To keep the peace, they’ll nod along with ideas they don’t actually support. While it avoids a spat in the moment, it can lead to them feeling annoyed or fake in the long run. Imagine constantly biting your tongue—eventually, resentment builds up. Plus, without honest opinions, you miss out on good debates that help everyone grow and learn.
3. They change the subject when things get tense.
Bring up something heavy, and suddenly, they’re talking about the weather. It’s their go-to move to avoid any uncomfortable topics. Sure, it might keep things light, but important issues get swept under the rug. This can leave problems festering and make people feel like their concerns aren’t valued.
4. They say they’re “fine” when they’re anything but.
Source: Unsplash Ask them how they’re doing, and they’ll slap on a smile and say, “I’m fine,” even if they’re boiling inside. They think they’re keeping the peace, but really they’re just bottling up feelings. This can lead to misunderstandings because other people have no clue what’s really going on. Over time, that emotional build-up isn’t healthy for anyone.
5. They blame themselves to avoid pointing fingers.
Source: Unsplash Instead of addressing someone else’s mistake, they’ll take the fall themselves. While it seems noble, it’s not fair to them and doesn’t help the other person learn or grow. Constantly shouldering blame can chip away at their self-esteem and lets other people off the hook for their actions.
6. They put off tough conversations.
Source: Unsplash “Now’s not a good time” becomes their catchphrase when a serious chat is needed. Procrastinating on these discussions might provide temporary relief, but the anxiety lingers. Meanwhile, unresolved issues can snowball, making the eventual conversation even harder.
7. They bail when things get awkward.
If a social situation gets tense, they might suddenly need to “use the restroom” and never come back. Ducking out spares them immediate discomfort but can leave friends confused or feeling abandoned. It also doesn’t give them a chance to develop better coping skills for tough situations.
8. They play peacemaker, even when it’s not their job.
Source: Unsplash They’ll jump in to smooth things over between other people at the drop of a hat. While mediating can be helpful sometimes, constantly doing it can be draining. It also means they’re focusing on other people’s drama instead of addressing any issues they might have themselves.
9. They prefer texting over talking for serious stuff.
Rather than face someone in person, they’ll shoot off an email or text when something important needs discussing. While it’s less intimidating, it can lead to misunderstandings since you miss out on tone and body language. Plus, it might come off as impersonal or avoidant to the person on the other end.
10. They downplay their own needs and opinions.
Source: Pexels To avoid rocking the boat, they’ll often say things like “I don’t mind” or “whatever you want is fine.” While being easygoing is okay, constantly ignoring their own preferences can lead to feeling unfulfilled. Everyone’s opinions matter, and holding back can prevent genuine connections and satisfaction.
11. They apologise even when they haven’t done anything wrong.
Ever hear someone say “sorry” way too much? Conflict avoiders often over-apologise to keep things smooth. While being polite is good, saying sorry all the time can make them seem insecure and might lead people to take advantage of their willingness to take the blame.
12. They avoid making decisions so they don’t upset anyone.
Decision-making can be a nightmare for them. Afraid that someone might disagree or be disappointed, they might defer to other people or put off choosing altogether. This can be frustrating for everyone involved and might cause missed opportunities or unnecessary delays.
