Dealing with someone whose actions never quite match their words is a frustrating experience, to say the least.
They talk a big game, but when it comes to putting their money where their mouth is, suddenly, they can’t live up to it (or simply refuse to). They’re happy to dole out advice and point out rules, but these things clearly don’t apply to them, at least in their own minds. Here are some of the traits people who say one thing and do another tend to have. Avoid them if at all possible!
1. They’re inconsistent in their behaviour.
One day, they’re all about healthy eating, the next they’re demolishing a giant pizza. Their inconsistency isn’t just about food, either — it extends to all areas of their life. You never quite know which version of them you’re going to get on any given day, which makes it hard to trust or rely on them.
2. They make promises they don’t keep.
They’re full of grand plans and promises, but somehow these never seem to materialise. They might swear they’ll help you move house, only to be mysteriously busy on the day. Over time, you learn to take their promises with a pinch of salt. In the end, their relationships and their reputation suffers because of this.
3. They’re often late or cancel plans at the last minute.
Despite assuring you they’ll be on time, they consistently show up late or not at all. They might have a litany of excuses, but the pattern remains the same. They don’t seem to care that their behaviour shows a lack of respect for other people’s time and can strain friendships and professional relationships.
4. They struggle with commitment.
Whether it’s relationships, jobs, or hobbies, they talk a big game but struggle to stick with anything long-term. They might enthusiastically sign up for a gym membership, only to stop going after a week. They clearly have a fear of commitment, which might stem from a deeper issue with following through on their words.
5. They’re quick to criticise other people for things they do themselves.
They might lambast a friend for being disorganised, while their own life is in chaos. What’s worse is that their hypocrisy often goes unnoticed by them, but it’s glaringly obvious to everyone around them. It can be particularly frustrating when they hold other people to standards they don’t meet themselves.
6. They have a hard time admitting when they’re wrong.
Even when caught red-handed, they’ll find ways to justify their actions or deflect blame. Their inability (or blatant unwillingness) to admit fault can make it hard for them to learn from their mistakes or improve their behaviour. It can also lead to a breakdown in trust in their relationships.
7. They’re prone to exaggeration or embellishment.
Their stories often seem a bit too good to be true, and that’s because they usually are. They might claim to be experts in fields they know little about, or exaggerate their accomplishments. Either way, their habit of stretching the truth can make it hard to believe anything they say.
8. They often play the victim.
When anyone confronts them about their behaviour, they’re quick to paint themselves as the person who’s been wronged. They either claim they had no choice or that circumstances forced their hand. In their heads, this victim mentality allows them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. However, it can be incredibly frustrating for those around them.
9. They’re very good at making excuses.
No matter what they’ve done, they always have a ready explanation, and these excuses often shift blame to outside circumstances or other people. While everyone makes mistakes, their constant stream of justifications can become tiresome and transparent over time.
10. They have a selective memory.
They conveniently forget promises they’ve made or things they’ve said, especially if it doesn’t suit their current narrative. Their selective memory can make it hard to hold them accountable for their words or actions. It can also lead to gaslighting, where they make you doubt your own memory, and that’s never okay.
11. They’re often defensive when questioned.
Instead of addressing concerns directly, they get defensive or angry when their actions are questioned. Their reaction can shut down communication and make it hard to resolve problems. Over time, people may stop confronting them altogether to avoid the backlash.
12. They have a hard time with long-term planning.
While they might talk about future goals, they struggle to take concrete steps towards achieving them. The disconnect between their words and actions can be particularly evident in areas like career progression or personal development, and it often leads to a cycle of unfulfilled potential and disappointment.
13. They’re often chasing approval or validation.
Their words are often aimed at gaining approval rather than expressing their true intentions. They might agree with everyone in a group discussion, even if the opinions expressed are contradictory. Such intense people-pleasing behaviour can lead to them making commitments they have no intention of keeping.
14. They can never seem to upkeep any long-term relationships.
Due to the mismatch between their words and actions, they often struggle to keep friends or romantic partners long-term. People eventually tire of the broken promises and inconsistent behaviour, which inevitably leads to short-lived relationships and a reputation for being unreliable.
15. They’re prone to impulse decisions.
Despite talking about careful planning, they often make snap decisions without much thought. Their impulsivity can lead to behaviours that contradict their stated intentions or values. It can also result in a chaotic lifestyle that’s at odds with the image they try to project.
16. They have a flexible relationship with the truth.
While not outright lying, they often bend the truth to suit their needs. They might give different versions of the same story to different people, or change their stance depending on who they’re talking to. Their fluid approach to honesty can make it nearly impossible for people to trust or understand them. And who could blame them?
