People reveal a lot about their character through the words they use.
If someone frequently drops any of these 15 phrases in conversation, it’s a big red flag that they might be a jerk. I’m not talking about the occasional slip-up or bad day, but a consistent pattern of using language that puts people down, manipulates, or just plain rubs you the wrong way. So pay attention and trust your gut.
1. “I’m just being honest.”
Watch out for this one. People who feel the need to preface their statements with “I’m just being honest” are often using it as a free pass to say hurtful or insensitive things without taking responsibility. Truly honest people don’t need to announce it constantly. They understand tact and timing. If someone’s always hitting you with this phrase before dropping a truth bomb, they might care more about the brutal part than the honest part.
2. “You’re being too sensitive.”
This phrase is a classic gaslighting tactic used to make you doubt your own feelings and reactions. If someone says this whenever you express hurt or frustration with their behaviour, they’re basically telling you that your emotions are invalid and not worth considering. Nice people don’t dismiss people’s feelings so casually. They listen, empathise, and take responsibility when they’ve caused harm, even unintentionally.
3. “I don’t mean to be rude, but…”
Spoiler alert: they absolutely mean to be rude. This phrase is the verbal equivalent of putting on a mask before punching someone in the face. If someone needs to couch their statement with a disclaimer about not intending to be rude, offensive, or mean, chances are that’s exactly what they’re about to do. Nice people find ways to express their thoughts and opinions without prefacing them with half-hearted apologies.
4. “No offence, but…”
This one’s a close cousin of “I don’t mean to be rude.” It’s another way of trying to absolve oneself of responsibility for saying something hurtful or insulting. Here’s the thing: adding “no offence” doesn’t magically make something inoffensive. If someone says this a lot, they’re probably not too concerned about whether their words are actually causing offence. Nice people care about the impact of their words, not just their intent.
5. “I’m not racist/sexist/homophobic, but…”
If someone feels compelled to announce that they’re not prejudiced before sharing an opinion, that’s a giant waving red flag. Truly unprejudiced people don’t need to constantly proclaim their lack of bias. They let their words and actions speak for themselves. If someone trots out this disclaimer on the regular, brace yourself for some problematic views. Nice people don’t hide behind this flimsy shield.
6. “You should smile more.”
This phrase is often directed at women, and it’s a prime example of benevolent sexism. Telling someone to smile more may seem like a harmless suggestion, but it’s actually a way of policing their emotions and implying that they should perform cheerfulness for anyone else’s benefit. Nice people respect people’s right to express a full range of emotions without unsolicited advice. They recognise that no one owes anyone a smile.
7. “Wow, you actually look good today!”
Backhanded compliments are a speciality of not-so-nice people. Saying “you actually look good today” implies that the person usually looks less than good. It’s a subtle put-down disguised as praise. Nice people offer genuine compliments without qualifiers or comparisons. They make people feel good without the undercurrent of negativity.
8. “You’re not like other [insert group here].”
This phrase may seem like a compliment on the surface, but it’s rooted in stereotyping and othering. When someone says, “you’re not like other girls/Black people/gay people/etc.,” they’re suggesting that the group in question is monolithic and inferior, except for you. It’s a way of putting you on a pedestal while tearing people down. Nice people don’t rely on stereotypes to praise individuals. They recognise everyone’s unique qualities without throwing entire groups under the bus.
9. “I was only joking!”
Ah, the classic “I was only joking” defence. Not-so-nice people love to use humour as a shield for saying cruel or inappropriate things. They’ll make a cutting remark or an offensive joke, and then act like you’re the problem for not finding it funny. Here’s the thing: if someone constantly says hurtful things and then tries to laugh them off, they’re showing you their true colours. Nice people understand the difference between good-natured teasing and mean-spirited jabs. They also know how to apologise sincerely when their jokes miss the mark.
10. “I’m just playing devil’s advocate.”
Watch out for the self-appointed devil’s advocates. These people love to argue for the sake of arguing, often taking contrarian positions just to get a rise out of people. They’ll defend problematic views or pick apart progressive ideas under the guise of “intellectualism.” But here’s the thing: nice people don’t feel the need to constantly challenge people’s perspectives, especially when those perspectives come from marginalised groups. They listen more than they argue and use their critical thinking skills to dismantle harmful ideas, not to play rhetorical games.
11. “It was just a misunderstanding!”
If someone hurts you and then tries to brush it off as a misunderstanding, pay close attention. While genuine misunderstandings do happen, not-so-nice people will often use this phrase to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. They’ll act like the problem is your interpretation, not their behaviour. Nice people, on the other hand, are willing to listen to your perspective and make amends when they’ve caused harm, even unintentionally.
12. “You’re being too dramatic.”
This phrase is a favourite of gaslighters everywhere. If someone dismisses your feelings or reactions as “too dramatic,” they’re essentially telling you that your emotions are invalid and overblown. They’re minimising your experience and making you question your own reality. Nice people don’t trivialise other people’s feelings. They listen with empathy and try to understand where you’re coming from, even if they disagree.
13. “It was just a joke. You need to lighten up!”
Not-so-nice people love to use humour as a get-out-of-jail-free card. They’ll say something offensive or hurtful, and then accuse you of being too serious when you don’t laugh along. Here’s the thing: if someone constantly makes jokes at other people’s expense and then blames the audience for not being amused, they’re not as funny or edgy as they think they are. Nice people understand that humour shouldn’t come at the cost of other people’s dignity. They also know how to read a room and adjust their jokes accordingly.
14. “I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking.”
People who use this phrase often fancy themselves as brave truth-tellers, unafraid to voice the politically incorrect thoughts that other people are too scared to say. But more often than not, they’re just using it as an excuse to say something bigoted, offensive, or downright mean. Nice people don’t assume they speak for everyone. They express their own thoughts and opinions without hiding behind the supposed “silent majority.”
15. “If you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best.”
This phrase has been memed to death, but some people still use it unironically. It’s often employed by those who think their “bad sides” are quirky and endearing rather than toxic and draining. Here’s the hard truth: if someone’s worst involves treating you badly, manipulating you, or constantly testing your boundaries, you absolutely do not deserve that. Nice people don’t use their best qualities to justify their worst ones. They work on their flaws and treat people with consistent respect.
