15 Signs You’re Dealing With Something More Serious Than Just A Difficult Person

There’s no shortage of challenging people in the world.

However, there’s a big difference between a garden-variety difficult person — someone who’s a bit abrasive, opinionated, or set in their ways — and someone who’s genuinely toxic, manipulative, or abusive. Dealing with the latter can take a serious toll on your mental health, self-esteem, and overall wellbeing. It’s important to realise when you’re not just dealing with a personality clash, but with someone who’s fundamentally unsafe to be around. Here are 15 signs that you’re dealing with something more serious than just a difficult person.

1. They consistently make you feel worse about yourself after interactions.

A hallmark of a toxic person is that they leave you feeling small, inadequate, or just generally bad about yourself after spending time together. Their words and actions chip away at your self-esteem, rather than building you up. You find yourself second-guessing your own thoughts, feelings, and capabilities in their presence. A difficult but ultimately benign person might occasionally ruffle your feathers, but they won’t systematically undermine your sense of self-worth. If interactions with this person are a consistent drain on your confidence and wellbeing, that’s a major red flag.

2. They constantly criticise or belittle you, often in the guise of “joking” or “helping”.

Constructive criticism, when delivered with care and respect, can be a gift. But a toxic person wields criticism as a weapon to make you feel inferior and under their control. They’re quick to point out your flaws, mistakes, and shortcomings, often in a mocking or condescending tone. They might insist they’re “just joking” or “trying to help you improve,” but their barbs are designed to sting, not to support your growth. If you feel like you’re constantly being nitpicked, put down, or made the butt of mean-spirited jokes, you’re not dealing with a mere difficult person, but with a bully.

3. They regularly violate your boundaries and ignore your “no”.

Healthy relationships of all kinds require clear, respected boundaries. But a toxic person sees your limits as challenges to overcome, not lines to be honoured. They push you to share more than you’re comfortable revealing, pressure you into activities or situations you’re not okay with, and disregard your clearly expressed “no.” They make you feel like you’re being uptight, unreasonable, or no fun when you try to assert yourself. This boundary-trampling behaviour shows a fundamental lack of respect for your autonomy and wellbeing — a cornerstone of any safe, trusting connection.

4. They’re deeply manipulative and always have an ulterior motive.

With a toxic person, every interaction is a chess move, every kind word a calculated play. They’re masters at reading people and telling them exactly what they want to hear to get what they want. They might love-bomb you with effusive praise and affection, only to withdraw it abruptly to keep you scrambling for their approval. Or they might play on your insecurities and guilt to get you to bend to their will. If you constantly feel like you’re being played or can’t take this person’s apparent kindness at face value, your gut is telling you something important.

5. They’re pathologically dishonest and remake reality to suit their agenda.

Everyone tells little white lies or has selective recall sometimes. But a truly toxic person engages in pervasive, blatant dishonesty to shift blame, dodge accountability, and paint themselves in a falsely positive light. They’ll boldly deny things you know they said or did, even if you have ironclad proof. They’ll invent elaborate stories to cover their tracks or cast themselves as the victim. Trying to untangle their web of lies can make you feel like you’re losing your grip on reality. This kind of rampant deceit corrodes the basic trust and stability needed for any healthy relationship.

6. They’re highly controlling and get enraged when you don’t do what they want.

A defining feature of toxic people is an insatiable need for control. They want to call all the shots — where you go, who you see, how you spend your time and money, even how you think and feel. They micromanage your every move and react with extreme anger or coldness when you don’t obey. They might isolate you from your support system, police your clothing and appearance, or demand constant check-ins and access to your devices. This level of domineering behaviour isn’t just difficult or overbearing — it’s a form of abuse.

7. They have wildly unpredictable moods and reactions that keep you walking on eggshells.

With a toxic person, you never know what version of them you’re going to get on any given day. They’re prone to sudden, drastic mood swings, and their reactions to even minor provocations are completely out of proportion. You find yourself constantly trying to anticipate and manage their emotional states, terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing and setting them off. This emotional rollercoaster is deeply destabilising and places you in a constant state of high alert, unable to relax into a sense of security or predictability. That’s a trauma response, not just a clash of temperaments.

8. They’re incapable of genuine empathy and make everything about them.

A difficult person might be a bit self-centred or occasionally insensitive, but a toxic person is incapable of truly stepping into your shoes and imagining your perspective. Everything is filtered through the lens of how it affects them. They hijack conversations about your struggles to complain about their own. They respond to your pain with dismissive platitudes or make you feel like a burden for having needs. They fundamentally lack the empathy and emotional generosity required to make you feel seen, heard, and supported. A true friend or partner will care about your inner world, not just their own.

9. They’re never wrong and will never sincerely apologise.

In a healthy relationship, both people take responsibility for their missteps and are willing to offer a genuine “I’m sorry” when needed. But a toxic person views apologies as a sign of weakness and an admission of defeat. Even when they’ve clearly messed up or hurt you, they’ll deflect blame, make excuses, or turn the tables to make it your fault somehow. On the rare occasions they do apologise, it’s usually a superficial, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or an insincere promise to change that’s quickly forgotten. Being unable to acknowledge fault or make amends is a hallmark of a deeply unhealthy person.

10. They chip away at your other relationships and support systems.

Toxic people often try to isolate you from your friends, family, and other sources of support and validation. They might subtly bad-mouth the people closest to you, planting seeds of doubt about their motives or trustworthiness. They might manufacture crises or pick fights to pull you away from important events or gatherings. They might demand all your free time and energy, leaving little room for anyone else. Bit by bit, you find yourself distanced from the people and activities that once brought you joy and strength. This isolation tactic is a way to make you more dependent on them and less likely to leave.

11. They hold your past mistakes and vulnerabilities against you.

When you share something sensitive or reveal a past mistake in a moment of trust, a toxic person files it away as ammunition to use against you later. They’ll bring up your old wrongs in fights to deflect from their own bad behaviour. They’ll use your insecurities as a pressure point to manipulate you into compliance. They’ll openly discuss things you told them in confidence with other people to embarrass or discredit you. Using your vulnerabilities against you is a huge betrayal and shows they don’t deserve your trust or intimacy.

12. They subject you to the silent treatment or cut you off over minor conflicts.

The silent treatment — refusing to communicate or acknowledge someone as a means of punishment — is a favourite tactic of toxic and abusive people. They’ll ice you out for days on end over the slightest perceived infraction, leaving you in anguish, frantically trying to figure out what you did wrong and how to get back in their good graces. In more extreme cases, they might abruptly cut you out of their life altogether at the first hint of conflict, only to reappear weeks later as if nothing happened. This hot-and-cold, all-or-nothing approach is crazy-making and keeps you perpetually off-balance, unable to find solid ground in the relationship.

13. They have a history of short, turbulent friendships and relationships.

Toxic people often leave a trail of broken bonds and bitter ex-partners in their wake. They may regale you with stories of all the “crazy” people they’ve cut out of their life, never taking any responsibility for their role in these failed connections. They latch onto new friends or lovers quickly and intensely, only to clash and fall out just as dramatically when the shiny illusion of perfection wears off. If you look closely, you’ll notice a pattern of them playing the victim in every interpersonal conflict. As the saying goes, if everyone around them is the problem, they’re probably the real problem.

14. They revel in drama and seem to thrive on chaos and conflict.

For most people, interpersonal strife is stressful and unpleasant, something to be avoided or resolved as quickly as possible. But for a toxic person, drama is like oxygen. They seem to relish the adrenaline rush of a blazing argument or the juicy gossip of a scandal. They’re constantly stirring the pot, pitting people against each other, or manufacturing crises where none exist. Being around them feels like being swept up in a never-ending soap opera. This addiction to turbulence and discord is a sign of deep emotional immaturity and instability.

15. Your gut is constantly screaming that something is “off”.

One of the clearest signs that you’re dealing with a toxic person is a persistent, gnawing feeling of unease in their presence. Even if you can’t put your finger on exactly why, something just feels “off.” You find yourself making excuses for their behaviour, questioning your own judgment, and feeling like you have to be on guard at all times. This is your intuition trying to alert you to danger. Our subconscious minds often pick up on signals that our conscious minds try to rationalise away. Learning to trust that inner alarm system is crucial for protecting yourself from harmful people and situations.