Growing up in a strict household meant you had to follow a long list of rules, and you didn’t dare question them.
Whether it was having a rigid curfew, strict expectations about school, or not being allowed to express certain emotions, the way you saw and experienced the world was shaped by your parents’ strict approach to parenting. While structure and discipline can be helpful, when everything you do is controlled, it’s tough to turn into a well-adjusted adult. If any of these sound familiar, you might have grown up in a strict household—and it could still be influencing you in ways you didn’t realise.
1. You constantly ask permission before making decisions.
If you grew up in a household where your parents controlled most of your choices, from what you wore to what activities you joined, you might struggle with decision-making as an adult. Even when you have full freedom, you may feel the need to ask for permission or reassurance before making choices. Learning to trust your own judgement and reminding yourself that you don’t need approval for every decision can help break this habit.
2. You don’t know how to relax.
In strict households, being productive was often expected, and free time wasn’t always encouraged. If you grew up with this mindset, you might feel guilty when you’re not doing something “useful.” As an adult, you might struggle to fully enjoy downtime without feeling restless or unproductive. Recognising that rest is just as important as productivity can help you create a healthier balance in life.
3. You’re overly critical of yourself.
Strict parents often have high expectations, and while that can push kids to succeed, it can also lead to an inner voice that’s constantly judging and criticising. Even if no one is pressuring you anymore, you might still set unrealistic expectations for yourself. Learning to offer yourself a bit of compassion and celebrating small wins can help silence that inner critic.
4. You don’t even know what boundaries are, let alone how to set them.
When you grew up in a home where questioning authority wasn’t an option, standing up for yourself as an adult can feel uncomfortable. You might find it hard to say no or feel guilty when you try to set limits with people, even though you know you really need to. Understanding that your needs matter and that healthy boundaries are necessary can help you feel more confident in asserting yourself.
5. You feel guilty for putting yourself first, even when you really need to.
If your parents expected you to put family, school, or responsibilities above your own needs, you might struggle with guilt whenever you do something just for yourself. As an adult, you might feel selfish for taking time off, saying no to plans, or prioritising your own mental and physical health. Changing your mindset to see self-care as a necessity rather than a luxury can help you feel more at ease with putting yourself first.
6. You’re absolutely terrified of failure.
Strict households often emphasise achievement and discipline, which can make mistakes feel like something to be ashamed of rather than part of learning. Unfortunately, that can lead to perfectionism and a fear of taking risks because failure feels like a personal failure rather than a normal part of growth. Learning to see setbacks as opportunities to improve rather than as something to avoid can be freeing.
7. You second-guess your emotions.
If expressing certain emotions—like frustration, sadness, or even excitement—was discouraged in your home, you might have learned to suppress how you feel. As an adult, you might struggle to trust your emotions or feel like you need to justify them. Allowing yourself to fully experience and acknowledge your feelings without judgement can help you become more emotionally secure.
8. You’re hyper-aware of authority figures.
When you grow up in a strict household, authority figures often hold a lot of power. You might have learned to be extra careful around teachers, bosses, or anyone in a leadership role. This can sometimes result in feeling overly anxious in workplace settings or hesitating to speak up, even when you have a valid opinion. Recognising that authority figures are still just people can help reduce this tension.
9. You feel uncomfortable breaking rules, even unnecessary ones.
If rules were strict and non-negotiable in your home, following them became second nature. As an adult, you might find yourself hesitant to challenge even rules that don’t make sense. While structure is important, it’s also helpful to recognise when flexibility is needed. Not every rule is meant to be followed blindly, and learning to question them can help you develop confidence in your own judgement.
10. You struggle with confrontation.
If voicing disagreement in your household led to arguments or punishments, you might avoid confrontation at all costs as an adult. Even when standing up for yourself is necessary, you might find it easier to stay silent rather than risk conflict. Practising small acts of self-advocacy, like speaking up about minor preferences, can help you build confidence in handling bigger conflicts.
11. You don’t feel confident enough to express want you want and need.
Strict households often prioritise structure and discipline over emotional needs. If you weren’t encouraged to speak up about what you wanted, you might still struggle to express your needs clearly. Learning that your wants and needs are valid—and that you don’t have to justify them—can help you communicate more openly in relationships and work settings.
12. You need a lot of external validation.
Growing up in a home where praise was rare or only given for achievement can make external validation feel essential. You might find yourself relying on approval from other people to feel good about your choices. While validation feels good, learning to build confidence from within by recognising your own progress and strengths can help you rely less on outside opinions.
13. You struggle to trust yourself.
Source: Unsplash Strict parenting can lead to a habit of questioning yourself, especially if you were frequently corrected or told how to think and act. As an adult, you might hesitate to trust your instincts, fearing you’ll make the wrong choice. Rebuilding trust in yourself by making small, independent decisions and seeing them play out can help build your confidence over time.
14. You feel anxious about disappointing people
If making a mistake or failing to meet expectations led to serious consequences in your home, you might carry a deep fear of letting people down. This can lead to over-apologising, overcommitting, or stressing over things that don’t need to be perfect. Recognising that it’s okay to disappoint people sometimes—because you can’t control everyone’s reactions—can help relieve some of that pressure.
15. You’re working on unlearning these habits.
Growing up in a strict household comes with challenges, but the good news is that you’re not stuck with these patterns forever. The fact that you’re aware of them means you’re already taking steps to unlearn the parts that no longer serve you. By giving yourself permission to make mistakes, set boundaries, and embrace your own choices, you can break free from the limitations of a strict upbringing and create a life that feels more authentically yours.
