While the best conversation you can have with a narcissist is none at all, sometimes you just can’t get out of having to interact with one.
If you do find yourself talking to someone with this toxic personality type, it’s important that you proceed with caution so that you don’t inadvertently say something to set them off and find yourself in a world of trouble. As tempting as it might be, you’re better off avoiding saying these things altogether.
1. “You’re not as special as you think you are.”
Narcissists build their entire self-image around being exceptional, and this statement directly challenges their grandiose self-perception. In other words, you’re likely to trigger a defensive tirade about their accomplishments or unique qualities. They may also retaliate by attempting to tear down your self-esteem to re-establish their self-ascribed superiority.
2. “Can’t you think about someone else for once?”
While narcissists struggle with empathy, they often believe they’re incredibly caring. As a result, this accusation contradicts their self-image as a magnanimous person. They might respond by listing instances of their so-called generosity or by turning the tables, accusing you of being the selfish one for not recognising their ‘sacrifices’.
3. “You’re gaslighting me.”
Gaslighting is a common narcissistic tactic, but naming it rarely stops the behaviour. Instead, they might intensify their reality distortion, insisting that you’re the one with a skewed perception. This could lead to more subtle and insidious forms of gaslighting, making you doubt your own judgement even more. Just save yourself the trouble and don’t even go there.
4. “You’re playing the victim again.”
Victimhood is a manipulation tactic for narcissists, but calling this out directly rarely leads to self-reflection. Instead, they might double down on their victim narrative, accusing you of being unsupportive or cruel for not recognizing their ‘suffering’. This can further entrench their manipulative behaviour.
5. “Your childhood doesn’t excuse your behaviour.”
Many narcissists use past traumas to justify their actions, and challenging this narrative rarely leads to accountability. They might respond by delving deeper into childhood stories to garner sympathy, or by accusing you of being unsympathetic to their struggles, further avoiding responsibility for their actions.
6. “You’re being manipulative.”
Narcissists often don’t recognise their manipulative behaviours as such, so this kind of accusation might be met with genuine confusion or indignation. They could turn it around, accusing you of manipulation for even suggesting it, or become more covert in their manipulation tactics.
7. “You need to work on your empathy.”
Lack of empathy is a core trait of narcissism, but narcissists often believe they’re highly empathetic. By saying this, you’re basically contradicting their self-image and might be met with examples of the empathy they believe they have, usually involving grand gestures rather than everyday compassion. They might also accuse you of being the one lacking empathy for not understanding them.
8. “Stop trying to make me jealous.”
Jealousy is one of a narcissist’s favourite tools to feel desired or important, so pointing this out might lead them to deny the behaviour while simultaneously intensifying it. They’ll probably accuse you of being insecure or paranoid, all while continuing to try to get other people’s attention and admiration.
9. “You’re not fooling anyone with your fake confidence.”
A narcissist’s confident exterior often masks deep insecurity, and saying this threatens their carefully constructed facade. They might respond with excessive displays of confidence, put others down to feel superior, or lash out aggressively to reassert their dominance. It’s a load of rubbish, but they don’t see it that way.
10. “Your success doesn’t make you better than everyone else.”
Narcissists often equate external success with personal value. This comment challenges their belief system, so they might react by listing their accomplishments, demeaning other people’s achievements, or questioning your own success to reaffirm the fact that they think they’re better than you.
11. “You always twist my words.”
Word-twisting is a common narcissistic tactic, but calling it out rarely stops it. They might deny doing this, insist on their interpretation of your words, or accuse you of poor communication. This often leads to circular arguments where your original point gets completely lost.
12. “Not everything is a competition.”
Narcissists view life as a constant competition, but trying to challenge the way they say the world in this way is never going to work. They’ll likely argue that competition is healthy, accuse you of being afraid of competition, or find more subtle ways to compete and prove their superiority.
13. “You’re not entitled to special treatment.”
Narcissists often believe they deserve preferential treatment, and contradicting that belief won’t go down well. They might respond by listing reasons why they do deserve special consideration, or by accusing you of treating other people better than them, playing into their fear of not being the favourite.
14. “Your actions have consequences.”
Accepting the consequences of their behaviour does not come naturally to narcissists — it just doesn’t. Calling them out is likely to be met with deflection, blaming other people, or minimising the impact of their actions. They might also retaliate by pointing out your mistakes to avoid focusing on their own accountability.
15. “You’re projecting your own insecurities onto me.”
Projection is a common narcissistic defence mechanism, but naming it rarely leads to insight. They might deny it vehemently, accuse you of being the one projecting, or use it as ammunition to discuss your insecurities instead of their own behaviour.
16. “Stop love-bombing me.”
Love-bombing is a typical narcissistic tactic, especially in early relationships, and calling it out will likely lead to denial or accusations of ungratefulness. They may intensify the behaviour to ‘prove’ their affection or withdraw affection entirely as a form of punishment.
17. “Your charm doesn’t work on me.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists rely on their charisma to manipulate people. This statement challenges their perceived power, so don’t be surprised if they intensify their charming behaviour, become aggressive when their usual tactics fail, or devalue you to protect their ego.
18. “I’m not responsible for your emotions.”
Narcissists always try to make other people feel responsible for their emotional state. This boundary statement might trigger accusations of being uncaring or selfish, and they might escalate their emotional displays to regain control or withdraw to punish you for not catering to their emotional needs.
19. “You’re not the victim here.”
Source: Unsplash Narcissists flip scenarios to portray themselves as the victim, and challenging this narrative rarely works. They might double down on their victim story, accuse you of victimizing them, or bring up past instances where they felt wronged to justify their current behaviour.
20. “I’m not going to stroke your ego.”
Source: Unsplash Ego validation is a must-have for narcissists, and refusing to provide it might lead to them seeking validation elsewhere, potentially through inappropriate means. They might also become hostile, viewing your refusal as a form of rejection or attack on their self-worth.
